by Gwen Jimmere
They lied to me.
They told me breastfeeding was easy. That it’s “so natural.”
They showed me pictures of happy new mothers nursing their precious, content little babies as if it took zero effort. And they pretended that it should be so simple. That it was a no-brainer. Nothing to it.
I know breast is best. It’s not that I don’t want to breastfeed. The simple fact is that I can’t. Well, not sufficiently. You see, I am one of the anomalies that cannot produce an ample enough amount of breastmilk to even remotely come close to satisfying my son, which ends up irritating him. One hundred percent of the time, this results is a screaming session until I pop a bottle in his mouth, tiredly waving my white flag in defeat.
This really hurts. Not only was I uber-excited about the ultimate bonding experience, but I invested tons of time, lots of money and every ounce of my energy into my Breastfeeding 101 class, a state-of-the-art breast pump complete with all the bells and whistles, and a multitude of pseudo-sexy nursing bras that are now doing nothing more than taking up space in my top dresser drawer.
I had every intention of nursing for the first year. Not to mention that my inner frugalista was relishing the notion of $2000+ worth of savings on baby food for that first year, or that my post-pregnancy body was craving the extra 500 calorie a day burn from feeding him in such a manner.
But alas, it was not meant to be for me. I spent weeks shedding crocodile tears about not being able to nurse my son. Both my husband and my mother attempted to make me feel better, to no avail. I couldn’t understand it. My mother nursed me, and my sister was a breastfeeding rockstar when she first delivered my now-17 year old nephew. This was not a genetic failure. This was a personal failure, which I took very, very personally.
What if my son doesn’t turn out to be one of the smartest kids in his class? Would it be my fault because I can’t produce the nutrients he needs for enhanced brain development? If he turns out to be a not-so-coordinated kid, would I be to blame for that, too, since breastfeeding is supposed to aid in motor skill development?
I read books, called my OB/GYN, called the Le Leche League ladies, and sought advice from my aforementioned breastfeeding guru sister. I started drinking more water, increased my daily vegetable intake, drank “milk producing” tea, popped Fenugreek supplements, all of which are supposed to aid in milk production. Yet, I was still at a loss.
Apparently, a very small percentage of women fall into this category, so it stands to reason that most people just don’t get it. The conversation usually goes like this:
Stranger: Oh my goodness, he is so cute! How old is he?
Me: *beaming with new mommy pride* He is almost 7 weeks.
Stranger: Awwww! They are so precious at that age. I remember when my daughter/son was that young.
Me: *being facetious* Yep, he’s pretty cool. I think I’ll keep him around for a while. *smile*
Stranger: *chuckles* Are you breastfeeding?
Me: I’m bottle feeding.
Stranger: Oh. *concerned look* So you’re pumping and dumping?
Me: No, he takes formula.
Stranger: Oooooh.*uncomfortable look* I’ll tell you, that WIC program is great, you get all the formula you need for a month.
Me: *pissed off* I am not on WIC. I’m unable to produce enough to nurse or pump and dump. Have a good day.
Stranger: Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just that…well, most people who formula feed are. But, I do know something you can do to produce more milk. All you have to do is: *insert random home remedy*
I don’t know if that statistic is even close to being accurate, but that’s beyond the point. And as far as these remedies go, I have tried them all and none of them work for me. I know it’s hard for some people to wrap their brains around it, but some of us just don’t make enough. Literally, on a very good day, in one sitting, I can squeeze out half an ounce from both sources. It just is what it is.
There are few things that make a woman feel more motherly than naturally providing her child the nutrition he or she needs during infancy. So, constantly hearing about how I’m must not be doing enough to make it happen is incredibly annoying, considering those who have all the answers have never experienced what I am dealing with here. And to assume that I must be on welfare – because who in her right mind would formula feed unless she was getting it for free – is outright rude and, quite frankly, ignorant.
I just recently got over the fact this is not going to happen for me. Yes, I understand that breastmilk and the production of it is a supply and demand relationship – the more he nurses or I pump, the more my body will make. I have pumped all day and gotten no more than three ounces. I’ve done this for the past six weeks and I’m not producing any more than I was before. After all this time of battling with him in an attempt to force him to latch on, I have decided that my happy and satisfied little baby of a healthy weight/height ratio is far more important to me than whether his food comes from a boob or from a bottle.
So, now I attempt to look at the bright side of not being able to breastfeed, if there is one. That moscato I haven’t had since I found out I was pregnant? Pour a lil in my glass, please. Sushi nights are a nice return to normality – no worrying about too much mercury in the breastmilk. And any caffeine-laden Starbucks runs? Back in full effect.
You have to find the silver lining in these things.
Have any of you experienced the feeling of not being able to give your child something he or she needs? How did that make you feel and what did you do about it?
Gwen Jimmere is an award-winning and nationally syndicated editor who authored the relationship manual for young women, If It Walks Like a Duck”...and Other Truths My Mother Taught Me. She blogs about relationships, dating, marriage and parenting at The Duck Walkand works in social media/digital marketing for a Fortune 10 company.
Thank you for writing this. I think I’ll print it out and just hand it to people when they ask me about how I feed my twin girls.
You just needed support and the will to win!
I am a man and in the car right now and this is the worst piece of literature I have read since Columbus discovered America!! I will respond with facts and will not allow this mess in the AA community. UGH!
Coupla things: (1) How is it a total stranger’s business why a mother doesn’t breastfeed? (2) Too many mothers are simply unable to breastfeed –even with “a will to win”– for ANYbody to attack this woman. (3) As a breastfeeding mother myself, I think people who attack mothers who don’t need to get real lives. Immediately.
The challenge is the black community is the worst when it comes to doing what is best for the child. Breast feeding is God’s design…argue with HIM
I’m confused as to why there is such an eruption of outrage from you. What “mess” in the AA community do you refer to? She never said that she condemns BF, disagrees with BF, or thinks that others should abstain from BF. What she mentioned is the fact that aside from all reasonable efforts her body does not produce enough. I understand that in the AA community we have these molds about what we “think is right” or what we “think” should be the case, but there are so many issues that are not within the “one size fits all” realm and this appears to be one of them. While I can appreciate your effort to “offer facts”. The FACT remains that from HER OWN personal experience and after seeking resources and assistance she can’t produce a sufficient amount of milk. Why condemn her for that or make her feel like a quiter?!
The problem starts in the first sentence. Who is THEY? The fact is that only 2% of women can not breast feed, the others either don’t get proper support or information. If you really want to breast feed you can not wait until your in the hospital that is all about making money and getting you OUT(‘Business of being born’) to start gathering information. Why is it that my aupair from South Africa(who had no other option says, “What do you mean, women don’t breast feeed?) We go with other options because we have other options! The AA community is the worst in % of breastfeed babies and my question for you Ms. Kenya is WHY? WHY do you think that is the case? She did not produce enough milk! Who told her that? I am a man and I know how to determine if a breastfeed baby is getting enough. DO YOU? Over the years I have learned to listen to what people say and the reality is they just DON’T WANT TO AND OUR COMMUNITY SUFFERS! This is the real healthcare issue. Formula is a billion dollar business and people who know better do better. The reason the lady ask her if she was on WIC was not a financial issue it was an educational issue. People on WIC are not only poor they are uneducated. People who don’t breast feed or either uneducated or stupid. What do THEY have to say about that?
The problem starts in the first sentence. Who is THEY? The fact is that only 2% of women can not breast feed, the others either don’t get proper support or information. If you really want to breast feed you can not wait until your in the hospital that is all about making money and getting you OUT(‘Business of being born’) to start gathering information. Why is it that my aupair from South Africa(who had no other option says, “What do you mean, women don’t breast feeed?) We go with other options because we have other options! The AA community is the worst in % of breastfeed babies and my question for you Ms. Kenya is WHY? WHY do you think that is the case? She did not produce enough milk! Who told her that? I am a man and I know how to determine if a breastfeed baby is getting enough. DO YOU? Over the years I have learned to listen to what people say and the reality is they just DON’T WANT TO AND OUR COMMUNITY SUFFERS! This is the real healthcare issue. Formula is a billion dollar business and people who know better do better. The reason the lady ask her if she was on WIC was not a financial issue it was an educational issue. People on WIC are not only poor they are uneducated. People who don’t breast feed or either uneducated or stupid. What do THEY have to say about that?
Wow really??? Im hope I was reading this wrong when you said people on wic are uneducated and poor. And that people who don’t breastfeed are stupid? Boy I wish you can experience one day in her shoes and see that its not as easy as it seems to nurse. I have 5 kids and every single one of them ate differently and I wasnt able to nurse all of them. By the way I’m neither poor, uneducated or stupid
Yep! In order to qualify for WIC you have to be below poverty=poor. Fact! And my statement was in response to her statement from the lady who thought she was on WIC because she was not breastfeeding. I was simply telling her that the woman must have thought she was uneducated because she was not breastfeeding…normally the case
This is so untrue. You do not have to be below poverty to qualify for WIC. When I had my son, my husband was a SSG / E-6 in the US Army and we qualified. I was not working at the time, however we were far from poor. Your words are very insulting. I wouldn’t even have thought to get on WIC if it wasn’t for a New Mother’s class I took on the Army post. I am glad I did, it helped alot with the money we saved and I had no shame.
Ignorant! It is a shame that stereotypes are still floating around. Just because someone receive WIC(or any other type of assistance) does not mean they are uneducated. Don’t be so judgement of this sister! She is just sharing her experience. As the saying goes,
“If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.”
So would you agree that the WIC population as a whole is less educated than the non WIC population? FACTS ARE FACTS
Hello I breastfed for a year and guess what the WIC program taught me what I needed to know to breastfeed my daughter when she was born even supplied my breast pump anyway what in the hell does WIC have to do with this story. I dont see the stigma with the WIC program its there for nutritional education as well not for just free formula for “uneducated” women. People normally bring up WIC as a way to help other women know about programs out there I really dont think the stranger was implying anything I think she is just overly sensitive cause of her situation. If it hurts when you are breastfeeding you aren’t doing it right as well. Its very frustrating at the beginning and you feel like you are nursing every hour literally but once you get a good supply going its all good but it takes effort and it is hard work. Woman assume its a walk in the park its not especially in the beginning. My daughter is now 4 and she actually can remember me breastfeeding her which surprises me.
Great Job Kay! Way to do what is best for your child!
you’re an idiot, & completely out of place i was able to breast feed for 4 months, before complications arose connected withmy daughter being a preemie. – i fell down the stairs in my 7th month – i am a green mother, & so of course this was my worst nightmare – & again, no matter what i did all the way down to acupuncture – i HATE needles, okay? – HATE. – & no dice after the 4th month – the point is, pregnancies are like fingerprints – who knows? the author – or i – could have another child, & regardless of previous difficulties, have no problem @ all. my issue with your jerky behind is, the woman clearly stated that she comes from breastfeeders, & was tormented b/c she coul;d not NO MATTER WHAT SHE DID – this is a far cry from my cousin, who would have scheduled her (desired) c-section in the hospital parking lot, & replied, no i have no interest in disfiguring my tits – when asked about how long she was going to breast feed for. but guys like you? really don’t get it, regardless of the efforts on which this article is based, you still want to wreck shop, which brings me back to the title of this post,
you are an idiot.
what could you possibly be talking about!?! what ‘mess in the AA community’? truth? honesty? open discussion about a problem facing many mothers? is that the mess you can’t ‘allow’ in the AA community?
this is a great article and as a woman who had problems breastfeeding my son as well, it’s vital for women to hear that it doesn’t make them failures. what creates failures in the AA community is a shameful lack of support from the AA community.
Let’s do an open forum! I will gather 10 TRUE Lactation Consultants/Counselors that truly support BF and they can take all your scenarios and we will get to the bottom of this I could not breastfeed BS! People say they cant but when you start to question them it really gets to THEY DON’T WANT TO! Something is more important. Working, cleaning the house, taking care of a sick parent. Understand something. Stress prohibits breastmilk and so we need to have mothers slow down and relax and all you should be worried about is feeding the baby, but we don’t really want to do what is best for the baby so we don’t research what is necessary to successfully BF. But I bet we research what car to buy or how to get deals at Disney.
The AA community is dying of Cancer and other diseases related to Obesity…why do you think that is the case? Because we don’t speak up for the children who can not speak for themselves!
I am a true Lactation Counselor who truly supports BF! There is not enough time to tell you the stories of the lame reasons why they don’t want to bf (plus my 18mth old is on my lap BF and I can’t type) or they want a mother of the year award cause they BF for a whole year.
stress does reduce productivity, but how do you truly reduce the stress? for most woman those first few months after the baby are a roller coaster of emotions that any one non-success can send spiraling straight down the tube. once down its incredibly hard to recover and often recovery is way too late to produce anything.
sir, you are not a woman, nor have you EVER been pregnant – people who don’t want to breastfeed are usually pretty up front about it – & people hiding behind the i can’t clause usually do not go to any great lengths to make it happen.
you cannot reduce honest efforts to problems that cannot be solved. ask one of your lactation consultants. they’ll tell you, & i bet they’ll have a more wholistic, helpful approach about it, too. people like you are not concerned about our children. YOU are concerned with judging & belittling women.
Your lack of knowledge, abundance of anger and apparent inability to read what’s in front of you make an open discussion impossible and makes your opinion fairly useless here.
Your determination to ignore the author’s insistence on the efforts she took to successfully breastfeed her child means you have no concern for an opinion other than your own. That’s sad because you’re missing out on the opportunity to learn something.
But keep that raging bitterness going. Seems to be working out for you.
what could you possibly be talking about!?! what ‘mess in the AA community’? truth? honesty? open discussion about a problem facing many mothers? is that the mess you can’t ‘allow’ in the AA community?
this is a great article and as a woman who had problems breastfeeding my son as well, it’s vital for women to hear that it doesn’t make them failures. what creates failures in the AA community is a shameful lack of support from the AA community.
I’m sorry, you lost me at “I am a man…”
Amen. A man that is sooo quick to judge but wont ever be able to understand
Totally understand! Why can a man not understand? It’s all education. You don’t have to have breast to be educated.
No I lost you when I started posting facts!
you didn’t post any facts. you posted judgment & ignorance.
I’m sorry, you lost me at “I am a man…”
Just as I stated in my article: someone who has never breastfed telling me what I can and should be able to do. Do me this favor – when you successfully breastfeed someone, shoot me those facts you claim to have. I suspect you will have even greater difficulty than I. Just a hunch. ‘Til then, understand that not having the ability to breastfeed has nothing to do with being a member or nonmember of the AA community. That’s just a silly statement in and of itself.
By his own stats, 2% of women are unable to breastfeed. Well, golly gee willikers… it must simply be IMPOSSIBLE for YOU to be a member of that 2%. *smh* Thank you for the article. You probably empowered and validated another woman who is experiencing the same thing.
oh by the way. I have not nursed but I have given a baby breastmilk and I will tell you just like I tell other women who don’t have natural childbirth(which I am not sure if you did that) or breastfeed. Your just like a man. You don’t know what childbirth is like and neither do I!
What do you consider “natural” childbirth? How can you say that a woman who did have a natural childbirth doesn’t know what childbirth is like?
no, whatever way in which women have a child, is their experience of childbirth. you, have never carried a child in your womb, & never will.
are you a pre-op transsexual? there’s a lot of womb envy here.
disturbing.
Did you seriously just make that statement? Wow.
No matter how a woman has a child, naturally, with an epidural, a c-section, under water, WHATEVER…each woman has her own experience, and when she looks that child in the face for the first time, SHE KNOWS what childbirth is like.
This ignorant vitriol has got to stop. My goodness.
Do you know the percentages of AA women who breastfeed? Why do you think we have the lowest % in the world and what part do you think articles like this play in our chances to turn this around? I will get on any forum/show/blog and exchange facts with you on any day at any time. Just name the place and time, because this mess you wrote was just that a mess.
Why is a man commenting about breastfeeding?
Why is a man commenting about breastfeeding?
WHY DO MEN BECOME OBGYN’S? Because he is knowledgeable maybe. State your case genius
he’s on his third (& final) lobotomy.
he’s on his third (& final) lobotomy.
I am a man and in the car right now and this is the worst piece of literature I have read since Columbus discovered America!! I will respond with facts and will not allow this mess in the AA community. UGH!
Very DISAPPOINTED in this article! While this may be the case for this lady their are very few women who cannot make enough brestmilk for their babies. I highly suggest she speaks to a doula or a caring and dedicated lactation consultant or educator such as myself. Breastfeeding is GOD’s design and while it is not always easy in the beginning it gets better and is the best for Mom and baby. If we remove all the interventions between Mom and baby the process occurs much easier as it should. There is enough discouragement in the AA community about breastfeeding please be careful to write about both sisdes of the spectrum.
I have been nursing my baby girl for 20 months, and I feel fortunate enough to have been able to do so thus far. The issue I am having is that, while “breastfeeding is GOD’s design”, it is not an easy process to begin and even continue. Everyone is different in how they are able to handle all that comes with it; I think being unable to produce is frustrating enough on top of little to no sleep and feeling “trapped” because of nursing around the clock. It is more than a physical process; it’s a mental one as well. I am a member of our local nursing counsel, and I am glad that the author was able to vocalize her feelings and show a state of vulnerability without fear or regard for retribution. The “discouragement” you speak about also stems from the assumption that perhaps she hasn’t covered all of her bases in terms of resources. This is solely HER experience.
20 months? When will you stop? That’s another discussion…
why is that even asked? she’s feeding her child breast milk not booze.
I have been nursing my baby girl for 20 months, and I feel fortunate enough to have been able to do so thus far. The issue I am having is that, while “breastfeeding is GOD’s design”, it is not an easy process to begin and even continue. Everyone is different in how they are able to handle all that comes with it; I think being unable to produce is frustrating enough on top of little to no sleep and feeling “trapped” because of nursing around the clock. It is more than a physical process; it’s a mental one as well. I am a member of our local nursing counsel, and I am glad that the author was able to vocalize her feelings and show a state of vulnerability without fear or regard for retribution. The “discouragement” you speak about also stems from the assumption that perhaps she hasn’t covered all of her bases in terms of resources. This is solely HER experience.
That’s not God talking to you Erin. It sounds like “Morning Tequila”. I don’t think you read the article or understood it. Ask Jesus for some reading comprehension tonight.
Breastfeeding is Gods design but not 4 every woman. Back in the day b4 formula if a woman didn’t have enough milk 4 her baby other women would either sell or give of their milk to these mothers who aren’t able. If she’s not able what’s the wrong in that? I breast fed all of my boys (3). And I feel bad 4 her.
Breastfeeding is Gods design but not 4 every woman. Back in the day b4 formula if a woman didn’t have enough milk 4 her baby other women would either sell or give of their milk to these mothers who aren’t able. If she’s not able what’s the wrong in that? I breast fed all of my boys (3). And I feel bad 4 her.
Or “back in the day,” particularly in the North American South mother’s started feeding babies “pot liquor” i.e., the juice from collard greens and other vegetables, sometimes mixed with cornbread, very early on.
Wow. How in the world could you read this article in its entirety and respond with such insensitivity? The fact of the matter is, every woman’s body is different. My husband called me a “milk machine” because of what was coming out of me, but other mothers, TO NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, just don’t produc that much?
And what in the world is her son supposed to do while she’s trying to navigate herself around the challenges that come with the biological fact that she cannot produce milk? Is he supposed to look like a victim of malnourishment? I think not.
Please, please, please rethink your stance and audacious candor
I don’t agree it is TO NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN! Everything happens for a reason. Breastfeeding is GOD’S design! Period! There is nothing biological that she shared. NOTHING! My candor may be audacious because I am sick and tired of AA taking bad information for FACTS!
THANK. YOU.
Wow. How in the world could you read this article in its entirety and respond with such insensitivity? The fact of the matter is, every woman’s body is different. My husband called me a “milk machine” because of what was coming out of me, but other mothers, TO NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, just don’t produc that much?
And what in the world is her son supposed to do while she’s trying to navigate herself around the challenges that come with the biological fact that she cannot produce milk? Is he supposed to look like a victim of malnourishment? I think not.
Please, please, please rethink your stance and audacious candor
Question… How can someone write about something they don’t know about. She had a negative experience so how is she going to write from both sides of the spectrum? And yes there is a lot of discouragement about breastfeeding but isn’t it up to the individual all the same to take it or leave it? All I had was negativity surrounding me about breastfeeding and parenthood, period, but I have my own mind and am my own woman so NOTHING no one else could say could take my experience and make it what it was for them. I refused to claim what they were saying was true and that’s what everyone else should do. Be their own person instead of taking on someone elses experience as truth.
It is very interesting that you find my personal experience disappointing. It seems as if you skimmed the article and perhaps did not read the entire piece, because I clearly stated that I sought the sorts of resources you mention. At no point do I discourage anyone from breastfeeding. So any discouragement in the AA community about breastfeeding has not come from me. In fact, I asserted that I want and would love to breastfeed and actually encourage it. This is my reality that I cannot do so. What is there to be disappointed about? You mention that I should be careful to write about both sides; however, considering that I have only experienced ONE side, that is the side I wrote about. You are welcome to write about the other. Breastfeeding IS God’s design, but if I am unable to do so, am I supposed to let my child starve just because there is so much societal pressure to breastfeed? Providing mothers the wherewithall to do what is best for their child is also God’s design and that is what I am doing.
Gwen, I actually had three children lose substantial weight and had to feed them from sippy cups and spoons for weeks while my wife and I figured it out. I understand the stress of not being sucessful at breastfeeding at the early stages, but I want you to understand that my responses are for the masses. I don’t want to hurt your feelings but if I can speak truth to how ever many people that may read your article I am going to have to sacrifice your feelings. You know some people that want to be singers, actors, and the such quit and some keep on going…and there are numerous stories of those that kept going MAKING IT. And you can find numerous stories of others who stopped and found many who said, “You gave it your best!”…But did they…Really. I am not sure if you are going to have another child but if you do…CALL MY WIFE WHEN YOU ARE 3 MONTHS AND LET HER COACH YOU TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Gwen my heart goes out to you! Unfortunately, I cannot relate your situation, for breastfeeding came quite naturally to me for several reasons: 1) I was raised to breastfeed my children, 2) I was taught how to breastfeed and 3) most importantly, prepared my body, mindand spirit to breatfeed over year before my husband and I even decided to conceive (keeping my body healthy and virtually chemical free). Michael and Erin slightly touched on this critical element of breastfeeding: preparing well before the birth (and i advocate for the conception) of the child. Breastfeeding takes extraordinary patience and preparation. When our Obgyns implore us to get in the best physical, emotional and mental shape it is for the best interest of our children. May peace and blessings be upon and may you find the best course of action for you and your child. I am sure you will without guilt sister. 😉
WHen I had my twins prematurely, they were in the NICU for a while and was bottle fed breast milk from the Mothers milk bank (not my breast milk. I was hesitant to do this but the doctors said that breast milk was especially important because they were born so early. When they came home eight days later, I planned to breast feed them. It was extremely difficult because they were used to bottle and pumping for me just didn’t produce enough milk. I remember crying late at night because they would not breast feed and the milk I pumped was just not enough for the two of them. But I kept trying for weeks and eventually I begin to produce much, much more milk and the eventually they learned to like breast feeding. It can take several weeks before you start producing sufficient milk but you have to keep at it.
ERIN…YOU ARE THE BEST!!!
My wife is an educator as well and I love your response! Sooo true. Every LC does not only support BF.
Stop by to see us at http://www.offdachainandouttadabox.wordpress.com
Thanks for sharing YOUR experience Gwen and how You feel when people assume that you are not doing or have not done everything that you can do to breastfeed your child. There are other mothers that may be going through the same thing.
Hello Ronnie,
I think my issue should be with BMWK for allowing this article to be put out there starting with THEY WERE WRONG…WHO IS THEY?
THE AA COMMUNITY REALLY DOESN’T NEED THIS!
http://WWW.OFFDACHAINANDOUTTADABOX.WORDPRESS.COM IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GROW
Hello,
This is probably not the first time or the last time that you will disagree with an article on this site. …so welcome to the BMWK family.
“They” may have been friends..they may have been her nurses.. I don’t know..but if they told her it was going to be easy….I guess “they ” were wrong..because it was not easy for her. The doctor’s told me my thyroid biopsy was not going to hurt so much..but guess what ..that crap hurts like hell and guess what the doctor has never had one .. so I guess the doctor was wrong (at least for me he was wrong!!)
And despite it not being easy…she did not quit. Sounds as if she had to supplement her breast milk with formula because she was not producing enough.
Your statistics may be true about the AA community having the lowest % of breastfed babies. But what does this have to do with her experience. You don’t know her and to judge her the way that you do causes me to have an issue ( in the same manner that you have an issue with us running the article.)
I am glad she shared her story because her excitement about breasting feeding and the time and the money that she put into preparing to breastfeed may inspire another young mother to do the same. I am glad we are discussing this topic on the site because there are different view points in the comments and perhaps someone that was not planning on breastfeeding will decide to breastfeed. And now they will know from your comments and from Erin’s comments that there are other resources out there for them if they are having problems.
Do you honestly think that this article will cause someone to breastfeed?
WOW!
GN
Maybe not..but I know your comments will not either
Wow back at ya!!!
I disagree! It is a matter of life or death! Formula is poison and if you will not fight for the babies, I will!
It’s not your facts..it’s your approach.
Do you honestly think that this article will cause someone to breastfeed?
WOW!
GN
Stop trying to drum up business for your site. I hope they delete all your posts. Shame on you for causing controversy for self promotion! Shame on you!
oh no! don’t delete this self-aggrandizing jerk’s posts! they are a perfect example of the many stressors that new, breastfeeding mothers face.
What the author is writing about is “her” experience. It’s the truth and guess what sometimes the truth doesn’t fit into the mold you may like it in. Nowhere did she say Black Women shouldn’t breastfeed. She didn’t even say that she personally didn’t want to breastfeed. She said she’d like to breast feed and also said she consulted several sources in trying to remediate the situation. I’m disappointed that instead of offering advice or a solution you have the time to instead condemn someone who apparently dealt with some of her own pain during the process. Gwen thank you for being transparent and sharing your story. I’m sure it helped someone out there who may be going through the same situation to know that they are not alone.
What the author is writing about is “her” experience. It’s the truth and guess what sometimes the truth doesn’t fit into the mold you may like it in. Nowhere did she say Black Women shouldn’t breastfeed. She didn’t even say that she personally didn’t want to breastfeed. She said she’d like to breast feed and also said she consulted several sources in trying to remediate the situation. I’m disappointed that instead of offering advice or a solution you have the time to instead condemn someone who apparently dealt with some of her own pain during the process. Gwen thank you for being transparent and sharing your story. I’m sure it helped someone out there who may be going through the same situation to know that they are not alone.
Lamar…my challenge is that in the AA community we are media buzzheads. We listen to something on the radio or a blurb on the TV or on a BLOG and think it is the Gospel. When it is only 1 opinion. I responded like that because she was putting out stuff that was not true. I promise you this woman, with the right support, can BREAST FEED! I am the father of 4 beautiful daughters and my wife is a Certified Lactation Educator and has been for several years. I have written pages in the Black Womans Guide to Breastfeeding. I am around breast feeding all day every day. My own children have lost weight before gaining and other men thought I was crazy but my kids are fine. We got REAL support! Not lip service! It is easier for some than others so maybe her sister had an easy time. Do you go to someone that has never had a challenge in their marriage for marital counseling?
You keep saying that she can breast feed, yet in an earlier post you stated that 2% of women aren’t able to. So you’re saying that this woman just didn’t try hard enough? It’s not possible for her to be a part of that 2%? Please no tirades about the AA community, just answer the question.
I see the problem now…you do not have a job or a career outside of just “being around breast feeding all day every day.” Step into the real world, however, and you might just learn a few relevant things. Women do not breast feed in a vacuum – many still must work and deal with the issues of lack of support in the workplace for breast feeding, etc. If you want to have a REAL discussion about all the societal stressors, etc. that come along and play into a women’s ability to breast feed successfully, then let’s do it in a loving and SUPPORTIVE manner. And if you would like to upload of copy of your medical degree and the published (and professionally vetted) research you have personally conducted, I would be glad to review it. OTHERWISE…you have already said enough! Your comments, tone, etc. are very off putting and you are the type of person that gives breast feeding advocates a bad name. And yes, I breast feed 2 children!
LOL!
LOL!
LOL!
actually, therapists do not usually make the details of their private lives known. that was as stupid as the rest of your comments.
It is amazing how insulting people can be on such a personal decision. It seems quite obvious, she went to great lengths to try alternatives to increase her milk production. Everyone’s body is different, why not respect what she said? She at no point seemed as though she was discouraging ANY other women to nurse their child. She starts out reflecting on her mother breastfeeding and her sister, too. There are women out there with this same issue, I found this to be supportive and informative for other women in her shoes. Personally, I was able to breastfeed my children, in fact, one did not want to wean! I nursed him for a bit longer than “average”, which posed a problem with family members. It was my child, my body! Thankfully, I found support in other women which the same issue. So, I was able to provide feedback to them, based on these other women’s experiences. KUDOS to you for trying so hard and it by no means takes away from the woman you are, nor your ability to parent! God’s blessings on you and your family! Your baby is absolutely beautiful!
What is the worldwide average age for weaning? 4 years old
I can relate to her on every word she wrote. I went through the same thing with my daughter. I went to the lactation nurses i went to the expert family members who were able to produce like they were half cow. I was in tears every time i tried i could not pump out enough milk. I didn’t want to formula feed cause i knew it was breastmilk was better for my child. But what got me past the guilt was both my mom and my mother in law telling me it isn’t the end of the world and that neither one of them breastfed and me and my husband grew up healthy and inteligent. Thanks for the article I am in the small percentage that attempted to do everything under the sun and still couldn’t produce. you are not alone. My daughter is now five and healthy and I don’t regret giving her the bottle.
“It was good enough for you.” is all I hear in the AA community. As we die of Cancer and are the dumbest people on the planet! Yeah right. Define: Everything under the sun. You should regret it…that’s the problem. We do stuff against God’s design and then say we don’t regret it. That’s sounds intelligent.
I am very disappointed in the negative feedback from this article!!! I was able to and chose to breastfeed all 5 of my children for different lengths of time…including my now 9 yr old twins. My mother was a breastfeeder so I did what I thought would come naturally, although it was a struggle in the beginning the first time around…more so my immaturity than anything else. I commend you for attempting and trying to find a solution. I can remember crying when my twins were babies(they were my number 2 & 3 children) because I wasn’t sure that I could handle the demand and I was just sooooo tired. My husband supported my decisions to supplement with them because I was exhausted but there were many times that I woke up in the middle of the night to find that instead of giving them a bottle he had latched them on(not quite sure how he was able to do this for several weeks before I figured it out). And when I was finally done he supported my decision to switch them completely to the bottle. I am appalled that a man could condemn you without walking a moment in your shoes. Did he not read this where you said that you beat yourself up too?!
Wow! Why is she being attacked for her personal experience?? I mean really. She did try to breastfeed. Gwen, I hope if you continue to try to breast feed, that you are able to do so. If not, then I’m sure your baby boy will turn out just fine off of formula. I never drank an ounce of breast milk and turned out just fine. An all A student all of my years in school, was an athlete, college graduate, overall just fine!
my experience with discouragement (especially in the AA community) for BF is as critical as the author expresses she received from the “stranger”. “how long are you going to BF that baby”…”you better get that baby a bottle of formula”
i appreciate the author sharing her story, it could have easily been my own. i have had 3 children and breast fed all of them (#1-3months, #2-15months, #3-17months and counting) oddly my 3rd child is who i had the most difficult time establishing a BF relationship with. i was very tempted to “waive the white flag” many times. i’m so grateful that i did have a very experienced lactation specialist hang in there with me who did not let me resign to my fears and frustrations.
s/n i didn’t see anywhere where EJ “condemned” the author. like the author she expressed her opinion and did in fact offer advice.
I was just wondering what was there to be DISAPPOINTED about in this article. It was Gwen’s own experience. Plus the comment before it got me going too. If I somehow misinterpreted then I apologize to her but I still don’t get it. That’s what made it condemning to me.
i certainly understand your concern for the “DISAPPOINTED” reference. and the comment before was way out of bounds. i’m not at all ok with attacking one for their difference in experience or opinion. i too wish to say that “successful breastfeeding” is not at all always the Good Ship Lollipop!! now that’s where the real lie is! LOL
Wow!!! I’m shocked by the contempt of some of these responses!!! Why the anger? Are you kidding me????
I could see if she said she just didn’t want to breastfeed.. Or if she wasn’t doing it so she could smoke weed or some other law breaking activity.
BUT she said she CAN’T!!!!!! She looked into rectifying the situation to no avail!! OMGosh!!!! I just can’t wrap my mind around these comments!!!!
She just bringing light to a condition that I (and I’m sure others) never knew existed! She knows the benefits of breast feeding and wanted to.
Y’all REALLY need to get a grip! Also, I’m sure this is not just an AA issue. And her being AA has nothing to do with anything!! There are much more pressing issues in our community then this like single parent households, AA men not being there for their kids, prison rate or the AIDS rate! Get mad at that!!
Well lots of what you mentions are billion dollar issues…as is bf. I am married to my children’s mother…all 4 same woman so the single parent thing…not me! I am there for my children…I am not in Prison. I homeschool my kids too so they educational system that others use…also not me! But in the AA community we don’t hold each other accountable for putting out bad information. Who said she could not produce enough milk? Who is THEY?
My issue is the information is not information…it is her opinion and if Oprah said some mess like this is would screw up the world.
Bad information
You admitted that there DOES exist a percentage of women who cannot adequately breastfeed. Okay, Mr. Factual Data, why do you refuse to admit that this woman falls into that category. While, it is excellent that your wife has been able to breastfeed and you have been involved with all 4 of your children, it does NOT make you an expert nor does it entitle you to disparage and villify a woman who has not had the same wonderful experience of your wife. Your superior attitude and condescension toward other women who are sharing similar experiences makes me question everything that you have to offer. You are one of those people who believes that every person in the world has the same experiences that he has otherwise their experience is invalid, false, and wrong. Yes, breastfeeding is God’s design; however, life on planet Earth is the merest imitation of His perfect plan and as such doesn’t always follow the plan. Maybe if you tried some empathy, more people would be receptive to your message.
And before you attempt to attack me, I nursed my son for 18 months before it became too physically taxing for me in between having to make living, care for myself, and maintain my own health amid the various issues that I had.
Gwen when I had my first child I had an over abundance of milk and a child who didn’t suckle properly… I had family who didn’t understand and condemned me for even thinking about BREASTFEEDING! … It took shear will, a lot of prayer, and months of going to La Leche League meetings (having strangers touch my breasts, and stick their fingers in my son’s mouth was horrible) to finally learn how to get him to latch on…
I appreciate you sharing your experience… Breast feeding is far from easy for a lot of women and children too. Hope you and your baby are happy and above all else…. WELL
Gwen, I am so happy you posted this. Do not allow others (not saying you do) to make you feel bad about your decision. Not all mothers can breastfeed and it has nothing to do with what race you are. Every community needs to read this article. Instead of bashing her, try giving positive advice. That’s what’s wrong with the African American community now. Some people don’t know how to be supportive!
As a mother who was not able to breastfeed, I caught hell from the lactation consultant, other mothers, and even my late husband. I simply said these words: “If it is so easy, then YOU DO IT.” Once they heard that, I did not hear another peep, let alone a syllable.
I say that to say that everything is not for everybody, whether there is intent or otherwise. I am shocked that in 2011, we are still berating mothers for not breastfeeding, even when it has been determined that they cannot produce enough AND have been prudent in seeking advice and counsel (only to be abused even more) to try and keep breastfeeding. Women, in short, we simply need to mind our own business when it comes to this. A mother should not have to labeled or stereotyped based on race, religion, or tax bracket,especially when it comes to boob vs. bottle.
Gwen, stay strong. That is YOUR child. Your child will be healthy and strong. Enjoy being a mom…
I like the article and can empathize with the mother. I breastfeed two of my children but only one successfully. My first try was semi-successful, however I became ill and could not produce quality milk despite the many efforts of a highly trained professional who attempted to train and assist me in my efforts. I did breastfeed my second child until she was seven months and it was the greatest experience ever! Although my trails are inconclusive I did note that my daughters did differ in health as far as non routine doctor’s visits.
My non breastfeed daughter was ill more during her first two years of life than my breastfeed child who had a couple of genetically transferred illnesses. I do personally feel that it helps them during those first years of life and makes it easier on both the child and the parents as far as health and natural immunity. Nevertheless, as they grew older it did not matter much because they both contracted various illnesses equally and then totally disregarded every ounce of healthy teaching when they became teenagers.
As far as intelligence is concerned they were both exceptional learners and excelled in everything that came their way – always on the principals list! As adults they are still very intelligent and live very product lives despite a few bad decisions here and there. So, I don’t think that it is sound or even wise for individuals to criticize a mothers choice to breastfeed or not, what about a mother that has no breasts because of cancer or the like?
Good luck to every new parent because you will have much to concern yourself with and it all comes and goes through trail and error!
Great article. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It provides support for other mothers who find themselves in similar situations. And to those who have judged her, shame on you!
Why do people always refer to judging when someone just holds you accountable to your actions? If I tell a gentleman who speaks nice to his kids in a restaurant that he is a great dad…isn’t that judging? But no problem with that. It’s only when someone needs to be corrected on something they can do better…
Well contrary to popular belief the BIBLE calls us to judge and if you need the scriptures I will share. We all need accountability partners…well those of us that want to grow
Actually the Bible says to judge not lest ye be judge. It also says that before you can remove the straw from your brothers eye you must first remove the rafter from your own. You may also read a few verses on how the tongue is a small but mighty member that cause stumbling…and that in the way that you treat the least is how you have treated the Lord. Check yourself my brother its time to practice the Christianity to claim to teach. Try that on as part of Gods design.
it might be alright to USE SOUND JUDGMENT but it is never okay to SIT IN JUDGMENT of others. whatever else between her & her GOD. & you are not the intermediary.
& i don’t give a sh*t how many scriptures you quote. you are wrong.
Would someone render so much backlash if it was someone who could not conceive despite all reasonable efforts? While this example is essentially more serious, the common thread here is that HER BODY IS NOT ABLE TO PRODUCE A SUSBTANTIAL AMOUNT OF BREASTMILK! How can you condemn someone for something they’re physically not able to do. Someone above mentioned that breastfeeding is GOD’s way, yes it is and I wholeheartedly agree. But so is conception, and not all people are able to do that, no matter how passionately, adamantly, consistently, or fervently they try with or without help. I repeat conception and breastfeeding are two different things, but the principle is the same.
So what do you say to the woman who a doctor tells they cant get pregnant AND THEY DO?
Who said she could not produce enough milk? She did and she is not a BF expert. All I am saying is my wife has worked with this person before and the funny thing is they women that really want it…I MEAN REALLY WANT IT…BREASTFEED! The others don’t!
yeah… i was hoping to see an infertility or pregnancy/infant loss post on this site sometime soon. after all these comments, i’d rather not.
Did I read the wrong article? What did I miss?? The one I read was a personal testimony, about a unique individual’s unique situation…it was not a dissertation on the pitfalls of breastfeeding…it was not to discourage anyone from breastfeeding. In the article I read…the author went to great lengths to describe the HUGE amount of effort she went through so that she COULD breastfeed…and just was not able to…She was not a quitter…She just literally didn’t have have ability…Maybe I read a different article because some of the comments on this one appear absurd in light of the article I read….
No you read the right article, but WHO IS THEY and you missed much. It was a personal testimony but it was NOT UNIQUE! It happens just like this every day and the people end by BREASTFEEDING! THE COMMENTS ARE BECAUSE THE INFORMATION IS JUST BAD!
Michael, your comments, as an unsympathetic MAN really aren’t necessary. I have 1 question for you: since your wife and so many other women was/are able to successfully breastfeed, doesn’t God/nature allow room for those who can’t? Perhaps you should go back to the article and just read the words that the author typed and not assume that there is a deeper, subliminal message between some imaginary lines…
No you read the right article, but WHO IS THEY and you missed much. It was a personal testimony but it was NOT UNIQUE! It happens just like this every day and the people end by BREASTFEEDING! THE COMMENTS ARE BECAUSE THE INFORMATION IS JUST BAD!
No you read the right article, but WHO IS THEY and you missed much. It was a personal testimony but it was NOT UNIQUE! It happens just like this every day and the people end by BREASTFEEDING! THE COMMENTS ARE BECAUSE THE INFORMATION IS JUST BAD!
No you read the right article, but WHO IS THEY and you missed much. It was a personal testimony but it was NOT UNIQUE! It happens just like this every day and the people end by BREASTFEEDING! THE COMMENTS ARE BECAUSE THE INFORMATION IS JUST BAD!
my son would often nurse for 1 1/2 hrs or more and never seemed satiated. i tried so many homeopathic ‘remedies’, diet changes, drinking a gallon+ of water a day, it didn’t help. he latched on, would nurse heartily, and just didn’t get enough.
luckily i was able to simultaneously nurse and bottle feed, so that’s another myth debunked. he had no problems nursing while bottle feeding so why not do both.
we also guilt ourselves into feeling like failures when we can’t breastfeed by believing that breastfed babies are never sick. that’s completely untrue!! breastfed babies are certainly healthier overall but my son gets a cold here and there just like any other kid and he nursed until 18mos. what’s more, he’s sick much less often than the other 2 children i keep, one is still nursing and the other nursed for 28 mos (exclusively for the first year).
breast is best, ABSOLUTELY!! but if a mother CAN’T breastfeed she isn’t any less of a mother.
Just to clarify….it is not a myth that some babies have difficulty going back and forth between breast and bottle. Whether it becomes a preference or true nipple confusion doesn’t really matter when your baby starts refusing to nurse after getting bottles. It is best for women to not introduce a bottle before 4-6 weeks, if at all possible. Even then there are no guarantees, though.
Your right! I actually feed two of my daughters breastmilk from a spoon for weeks when they would not latch and were not GETTING ENOUGH!
But that was because my wife REALLY wanted to BF
Your right! I actually feed two of my daughters breastmilk from a spoon for weeks when they would not latch and were not GETTING ENOUGH!
But that was because my wife REALLY wanted to BF
Personally, I feel like no one has the right to come down on this woman for expressing her experience with bf. To all you who have something negative to say, who made you God, who are you to judge, and who cares what you think and how you feel about the situation? Now, I went through the same thing she did, so I know EXACTLY how she feels, I just handled it differently. I was only producing about three ounces in the beginning to, actually no that’s not true. When I had my son, my breasts were so engorged that my nipples were completely flat and not even a pump could get them out. What I could pump was a few drops of milk. I had to see specialists and use an artificial nipple. The pain, that was completely unbearable! For the first two months of my sons life I bottlefed him formula and had to use the fake nipple because I was determined to bf. I was sick about it because I felt that since He made me a woman bf is one of the things He purposed me to do. I felt like a failure and cried numerous times because it. I saw doctors who prescibed medications that started to make me twitch (luckily I stopped taking them before damage was done), changed my diet, pumped constantly, used fenugreek, and prayed constantly. Ultimately a combination of these but mostly prayer and anointing worked. By four mos he was latching without the fake nip and could pump about six ounces total. By six mos he was exclusively bfing and could pump almost eight ounces total. Doctors say your body makes what your baby takes so baby was satisfied. After all the praying I did and baby now 15 mos, I’m praying to get him off. He won’t let me go. My faith is what got me through and helped me come out of that feeling of failure that comes with not being able to provide for your little one the way you think you should. What I found out is you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. People had negative things to say about bfing from the beginning and still now that he isn’t weaned. I do what I feel is best for my son, anyone that doesn’t like can kick rocks. Thanks for posting the article because I honestly was alone in this. I am the only person that I know of amongst the family and friends I deal with that was breast fed as a baby. Kudos to you for making it work for the both of you. God bless.
Akee_j…You are an example of someone who tried to breastfeed and there was even more you could have done, but this young lady is giving her effort lip service.
Now if you need me to provide you with the scriptures in the BIBLE that say we should judge I will because they are there. We all need accountability and we only say the old judge lines when someone challenges us on something we can do better
dude. you’re being a jerk. akee’s journey is/was no less full of effort than gwen’s.
that was really funny & beautiful.
I appreciate you sharing. I was able to nurse my daughter, however, she has a very sensitive stomach and had an allergy to my breastmilk. When I heard other women say that before I actually had my daughter, I looked at them really funny. Now, I understand.
Each woman has the right to make the decision whether to breast or bottle feed. Even if you simply chose to bottle fed, it’s just that…your choice! Best wishes to you and your new family.
thank you for this article. Kudos to you for doing all you could for your baby. My son will be 2 next month. I too faced many difficulties breastfeeding, but I did both (bottle & breast) to the best of my ability. That is all that you can do. As for the negative comments, remember what your mother told you…if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. this article will do wonders for many mothers that are struggling to breastfeed. thank you!
This article only hurts mothers struggling to breastfeed by giving them an out which is outside of God’s design. Your mothers was an enabler too BTW
no, her mother was polite, & you have finally crossed the line. talking about people’s mothers? really?
Wow, I cannot believe this article sparked such a large response! Thank you to everyone who provided positive words of encouragement and feedback. I am so happy that my article spoke to the few who, like me, are unable to produce an adequate amount of milk. It is already disappointing enough to know you’re not able to do what you know most people can and what is best. You really don’t need someone on their high horse telling you that something is wrong with you – especially when they biologically can’t do it themselves.
Truth is truth!
I think your sister had an easy time but do you go to
someone who has never had a challenge in their marriage to get marital
support? I think if you have a ten minute conversation with my wife you will understand…YOU DID NOT DO EVERYTHING!
Seriously dude, I really… no, REALLY need you to get on somewhere right now. I breastfed my daughter until she self-weened at 14 months, and you have no idea the kind of inner emotional turmoil that occurs when a woman has even a temporary decline in her milk production. We moms do quite a good enough job of beating ourselves up and lamenting that our bodies are betraying us, so I am 1000% certain she doesn’t need it from the likes of you.
In reading her article (funny how that “reading” thing works… when you do it, you gain information) it should be clear that she had more than ample support in her efforts. She had family and professionals helping her. It just didn’t work out. That does happen sometimes, since you yourself mentioned 2% of women cannot successfully breast feed. And it is clear from her article (again, that whole “reading” thing) that’s she wasn’t happy about it, nor was she lazy or apathetic. It hurts her to have to come to terms with this, and she’s doing her best to look on the bright side.
If you had any frame of reference for this, which, despite your “expertise” and the fact that your WIFE (not you) nursed your children, you would know what she has gone through internally. And I’d like to think that if you did, you wouldn’t be so brazen and callous in your response to her.
ignorance!
isn’t he awful? the true ignoramus…
yuck – i feel sorry for his wife. can you imagine having to LIVE with this insanity?
This Michaelcovin guy seems to be a real dumbass. I know this is a family site, so I’m sorry for my language, but I honestly cannot think of any nicer word for him.
Anyone with some sense would know the “they” she mentions in her article is a subjective term referencing societal expectations, oh pseudo-educated black man. Use your head for more than a hat rack. How are you going to tell somebody what they should do, especially being a MAN who obviously can’t breastfeed. What a joke his comments are. Gwen, do you. All that matters is, like you said, your baby gets fed, whether is from a boob or a bottle. I applaud your efforts and I know how hard it is to breastfeed. God forbid you could be part of that 2% he claims can’t breastfeed. The gall of this loser.
What gets me is that, yes breast is best, but NO ONE has ever said formula is bad for babies. Hell, getting a PhD is best, but if I choose to stop at a masters, that’s not bad.
I’m just glad I’m not his wife. He seems like the overly opinionated type who “knows” everything but doesn’t know sh**.
“NO ONE has ever said formula is bad for babies” I know you did not write that when formula is linked to hundreds of DEATHS IN BABIES!
OH BUT I AM A DUMBA_ _
LOL! just made the comment about feeling sorry for his wife.
can you imagine???
LOL!
Gwen, enjoy your new baby and your expanded family. My daughter will be 2 years old in April and I remember the pain, sadness and embarrassment when she wouldn’t latch to my breast. I tried everything that the lactation consultant in the hospital advised/ordered me to do. I was tired and eventually my child’s crying convinced me that her needs came before my desire to be the “perfect new mom”. Don’t let anyone tell you differently and make you feel ashamed. You are a strong new mom! Good luck to you!
Make sure you check with the hospital and see if they are one that gives the babies a bottle with sugar water in the hospital. Sometimes that happens and causes confusion for the latch process early on.
I had to have an emergency C-section because my daughter was not getting enough oxygen and my loving, supportive husband made the decision that saved her life. They gave her a bottle because I was trying to recover from a “necessary” surgery. My doctors, nurses and staff listened to what I was feeling and what my newborn was trying to communicate with her crying. Michaelcovin, you might have good points that you want to raise, but your method and manner of conveying them are too harsh and you are coming across as rude.
Thanks Ree! I receive what you are saying. I appreciate you and I apologize to everyone. I am done being rude but if anyone wants to have a nice dialogue we can speak on my blog at http://www.offdachainandouttadabox.wordpress.com I will post anything that anyone sends. But let me warn you. My wife and I have homebirths, homeschool and support breastfeeding and everything we do is backed by research. So visit if your ready to grow and again. I apologize and will apologize to Gwen as well, for my presentation.
Shameless …you are really shameless. Seriously get help.
& now he’s going to apologize so he can drum up traffic for his effing site! like people want to be trapped on his closed minded board.
naa, i’ll be ok.
I’ve skimmed over these comments for the last half hour…Michaelcovin you may have points you’re trying to make but they are coming off as rude, chauvinistic and insensitive thereby lessening what you’re trying to convey. I’m glad you feel so strongly about the topic, here’s what I suggest you do:
Get involved in legislation that would permit women to have pump breaks at work. Many women regardless of race, whether they or on WIC or not, may not have the chance to really thrive at breastfeeding because they can’t take the minimum number of breaks to pump. When you are faced with the option of formula feeding or losing your job because your superiors feel it would take away from productivity, it is easier to formula feed. Of course, that is if you want all of us ladies to quit our jobs and go on WIC… 😉 We definitely need more men to argue on behalf of a woman’s right to breastfeed.
However what you’re failing to acknowledge is that there are women outside the U.S. who cannot breastfeed. It’s just that in countries like South Africa where your nanny is from, there is a bigger supply of Wet Nurses to help those who can’t. Perhaps we women in the U.S. should ban together better so that guys like you don’t have the power to judge us so harshly…
Geesh – I was about to post my experience with this topic but seeing the drama and insensitivity that is going on in the discussion I guess I’ll pass. I’ll just say thanks for writing on this topic- it was very timely.
I agree: I was going to do the same. But never mind. To the author, you were not alone.
I understand. I have two children and was able to nurse the oldest without any problems. My new daughter is 11 weeks old and I had to stop nursing because she sucks so hard that I would spend the whole time crying. I sought help from nursing pro in the family, with my doctor, with le leche and anybody who would listen that I thought would help. There was no latch problems, she just sucked hard enough to make me bleed. Even with a bottle she sucks the nipples flat… I was lost. Thank you for writting this!!!
so you pumped and gave your child breast milk so they will have the best! Or did you give the child formula? And if your producing milk why?
I pumped for a couple of wks and since you know so much you would know that pumping only does not produce as much milk as nursing. I am very happy to say she is very healthy on formula.
As a mother who breastfed her 1st child for 14 months and is planning on breastfeeding her second that is now on the way. I can see the point Micheal is trying to make . When I 1st had my daughter and tried feeding her that very first time I realized I wasnt producing enough milk to satisfie her ,It was hard I didnt know what to do I had nurses sugesting formula some suggested a combination of both formula and breastmilk . What I did was I called a laction specialist and asked what was wrong with me and she explained that 1st time mothers dont always produce enough right of the bat. Trust e it was hard 3-4 months I was breast feeding every hour to every 1.5 hours . I felt a lot of pressure from friends and strangers as well to do formula or even try cereal on my 3 month old but I stuck with it got me a good pump and tried pumping in between feedings so my husband could help me during the night so I could and extra hour of sleep . Eventually I had so much milk that it would squirt out and it was enough to satisfie my dauhter in one feeding , and gues what during the time when i didnt have enough and was feeding every hour she was always healthy above average height and weight just on breast milk . It is not easy its hard as hell but so worth it . I never encountered a mother that didnt produce enough mo matter what and Gwen I am sorry that was your case . My problem is with the women that give up after just a few weeks bc it hurts or it feels weird whatever the case they denie their child of the best nutrition available to them.
If this is directed toward me I did not “give up” as i stated I nursed my first child and knew what it felt like, but I am not going to subject myself nor my child to bleeding and cracked nipples. The first time she spit up my blood it was enough. As I stated she is VERY healthy on formula. Had I been able to nurse her i would have continued, but it wasn’t the best option for US.
No it was not directed at you at all , like I said its for mothers that have no problems producing milk or breastfeeding and just decide not to do it . I also had cracked nipples and my daughter would bite down with her gums, I would take her off and firmly say No and would continue to do that until she eventually stopped . breast feeding is not.easy at all there were times it annoyed me waking up when I was just starting to fall asleep . Many times I felt like just giving the baby formula but I personally felt I was denying my daughter and felt guilty . I’m glad your baby is healthy .
hoice is God’s design. God never forced his will on anyone. The earth is the LORD’s, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein. Formula included. There are just as many other ethnicities whose baby drink formula. So is it detrimental to them as well or is it just stopping our children from learning. I breatfeed all of my kids. And the one that breastfed the shortes seems to be the brightest. So Im not buying this whole “we are dumber because we don’t breastfeed” point. Because that gives the AA community one more obstacle to get over.
I was young when i had my first child and i breatfed him until he refused to take it. My other kids were not as receptive to the breast and i stopped after six weeks. Yes I stopped. My second son was tested for gifted in Kindergarten. And my daugter (third) child is writing letters at two. My oldest (the one that breatfed for seven months) struggled in reading and math. Their academic success and over all intelligence is not attributed to breastmilk. It helped, but so did the books i read for hours when they were young. Not to mention exposing them to their letters, numbers, shapes, and colors before they were two. Putting a pen in their hands and making the sit donw and simulate writting, giving my baby (under a year old) homework time and reading time. So if you don’t agree with her decision not to be persistant with her breatfeeding issues you are entitled to your oponion. Applaud you wife for her persistance. Breastfeeding is a choice. Formula is choice. Choice is God’s design. If God intended for every wonem to breatfeed than formula world have never created. Find me a scripture or facts that proves that formula was not in God’s design
Choice (typo)
YES! THANK YOU. birth & breastfeeding are only the BEGINNING of the story on conscious parenting –
Ok WOW!!! thank you Gwen for SHARING YOUR experience with bf. I breastfed my daughter and it was natural for me. I encourage everyone to breast feed because one feeding is better than none. HOWEVER, when my breast friend begin to nurse her son she had chafing, pain, sores, etc and did not produce as well. I thank you for the article because everyone’s experience is different and should be shared because you never know who you will reach!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!
Breast friend should be best friend
Gwen, my baby is six months now and I had the exact same experience as you. I tried every thing and no matter how much I tried the milk just wasn’t there. Plus she wouldn’t latch on after a while. And yes, I was made to be ashamed from every body, strangers, friends, her pediatrician, etc. It was my female pastor who helped me to feel better. Her and her husband have four kids and her youngest is almost a year older than my baby. She bottle fed. I also had a nurse, again, at church, tell me to just bottle feed and not stress about it.
@ Michaelcovin, you keep talking about what is best for the AA community and facts this and that. You can not speak on or for another person’s personal experience!! That is one of MANY reasons the AA community is in the state it is in. WE hush things that we view as bad and sweep them under a rug as if they do not exist. YOU judgmental statements are just as bad as Cancer, Obesity, Diabetes, and any other disease that plagues our community. BUT thank you for your opinion as well :)!
awesome.
Ok… So I jumped on here because my girlfriend told me about some ignorant dude that is causing a ruckus about breastfeeding. I must say that it is quite interesting how engulfed you are in the life of others to judge them on something you as a man have NO ability to do.
Why are you so passionate about something that only WOMEN can do? Did you get taken of the teet too early and are lashing out in some sort of misdirected anger based off your own experience with your mother?
This is a forum where specific people spoke about THEIR experience, and you are judging them, at the same time throwing God into the mix. How “Christian” of you. (Hypocritical)
Do you really expect anyone to take you seriously or even listen to you in this manner? Or is this some sort of publicity stunt to direct people to your blog?
Isn’t it amazing how up in arms people can get about someone else’s boobs? You would think she said she couldn’t breastfeed so instead she gave him a bottle of crack. I could write a book about the ridiculous of this debate but I won’t. Her breasts, her baby, end of story. There are enough mothers out there that don’t feed their kids at all. Save your condemnation for them. Oh, and great post Gwen!
Formula is CRACK! AND POISON ALL AT THE SAME TIME. IT HAS KILLED MANY CHILDREN!
And By the way… I am a man…
Seriously Michaelcovin… men have no business talking about breastfeeding to women. Why not talk about something that only men can do, like pee standing up?
You crossed the line, and your point (however much you think is valid) is not accepted here. K.I.M. (keep it moving)
MC- I understand your being passionate about the benefits of brestfeeding because there are definite benefits. But to berate her and “sacrifice her feelings” is unconsiconable. Further, to keep trying to beat her up with God and his word is despicable. Yes, Christians are to judge because there are things we should know better and do better than unbelievers. As a man apparently claiming Christianity, you should have discerned from this woman’s article that this was not a “judgment” situation. She simply stated her experience. Period. She did not “inform” others breastfeeding is bad. She didn’t advise others not to do it. She was simply unable to breastfeed. Your rush to judgment was not only illogical, but your belligerent manner casts shadow on the very light that is Christ.
Klwill…I think you may be out your league on this one
My apologies about the typos. I should have re-read it before I posted but I was rushing.
https://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_561535560/armchair_quarterback.html
arm ·chair quar ·ter ·back (plural arm ·chair quar ·ter ·backs)
noun
Definition:
1. viewer who criticizes conduct of games: somebody who is certain that he or she can make better calls than the coaches or players while watching a competitive sport on television
2. giver of unwanted advice: somebody who offers unwanted advice about how to do something or tries to supervise an activity without being asked.
And for those that really want to help the African American Community, there are plenty of Non-profit organizations that offer mentoring to children that need that help. Help out the children and you can change the future.
If you are not doing this, then you are not truly about change. Just an armchair quarterback hiding behind a keyboard complaining about how ignorant African Americans are as a whole, when the most ignorant of us is you.
Now, enough of you ruining my evening with my girlfriend.
National VP of a Non-profit and working with WIC putting together a BF plan to appeal to men and I am a job coach who runs a job readiness program training TANF recipients!
I am doing my part…Are you?
@ well of truth!
thank you. your GF is a lucky girl – hilarious –
I feel for this woman. Although, I breastfed all 3 of my boys, I also had trouble with one of my twins and had to stop giving him pumped breastmilk at 8 months. However, I did find a homemade formula recipe (from the Sally Fallon book Nourishing Traditions”) that mimics breastmilk and he is thriving, healthy and happy. There are other near natural options for mothers who can’t control the stresses in their life or produce enough milk but still want the best that they can offer their child outside of breastmilk. Be encouraged and encourage others.
Hello all,
My name is Endion, and I’m Gwen’s husband. I usually make it a point to refrain from commenting on my wife’s posts, however, I couldn’t just sit by any longer and allow someone (this Michaelcovin guy), who doesn’t know anything about my wife, to comment on her education, intelligence and courage.
I’ll have you know that Gwen graduated as her high school’s valedictorian, went on to earn her master’s degree, has a VERY successful career and is an EXCELLENT mother to our son. So, when you make the ignorant suggestion of her looking uneducated and stupid, Mr. Michaelcovin, it would be in your best interest to avoid sounding uneducated and stupid yourself, and gather some background info as to whom and what you’re talking about.
I just don’t understand how, as a MAN, you call yourself educating someone on breastfeeding when you lack the breasts and the milk! If your wife is a lactation specialist, then I’m sure she would tell you that you could find something more productive to do with your time than bully and berate a WOMAN who clearly has the courage to speak out about HER experiences with breastfeeding. If it is your WIFE who is the lactation specialist, why is it that YOU are commenting?
It sounds to me as if you have a problem with women in general. You seem to have half-read the article posted here and somehow deduced, with all your infinite knowledge, that Gwen was, in some way, an inferior woman and you decided to lash out to appease your own insecurities . You, sir, are the reason why we are perceived as a unity-lacking, self hating community; instead of offering words of encouragement to your fellow African American, you attempted to make her feel alienated and foolish. I fail to understand how you feel it is your place to comment on something you know nothing about.
I will not go back and forth with you after this is posted simply because I have other pressing matters to attend to (like my family and son). Perhaps you should spend more time with your wife instead of unsuccessfully trying to break mine down.
So I will close with this: take your street preaching elsewhere and try to kick knowledge to one of the down the way girls who don’t know any better and who will allow you to make them feel inferior. I’ve got this. If any man is going to give her advice, trust me it will be this one!
Have a good evening.
Kudos sir!
Thanks for being a strong, supportive husband and defending your wife. I’m happy for your new baby and all the love you and your wife are giving him. God bless you and your entire family. You give Black husbands a good name!
Thank you Endion for demonstrating what a supportive, strong and protective husband looks like.
thank you. your defense of you wife was eloquent & brought tears to my eyes. beautiful.
https://wp.me/p11QWp-46
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀
First, I would like to say to Gwen…great post and it touched my heart to hear your experience. With my last child, I was not able to breastfeed. I was not a fan of the store formula so I found some natural healthy alternative recipes for my son. If you are interested in that route, the recipes are easy to find. Most of the ingredients can be found at your local healthfood markets. It can get pricey but worth every penny. My son is 3 years old and never so much as had an ear infection. We all know that breastfeeding is best for the child but sometimes we have to do what we “gotta” do. I appreciate that you had the courage to speak about your own experience and maybe it has encouraged some other women in knowing that they are not alone. There is wisdom in doing what is best in the given circumstance.
And….for my “Christian friend” Michaelcovin…it is hard to hear what you’re saying for watching what you are doing.
“Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling” Proverbs 20:3 NLT
I love it.
“Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling” Proverbs 20:3 NLT
Though he has been spouting about scripture (God’s Word) and God’s plan all day… I think this is the first verse I’ve seen.
Not everyone who yells ‘Lord, Lord, and ‘God’s Plan’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
It sounds like the author experienced a very uncommon issue called “Insufficient Glandular Tissue”. Her breasts were just not able to produce enough milk, something that only 3% of women actually experience. I can only imagine the stress of the situation.
There are some warning signs during pregnancy that can help a woman detect if she may have an issue with her glandular tissue. No change in the breasts during pregnancy is one. I encourage women to understand the process of milk production prenatally to better assist them in being successful at breastfeeding. This will also allow them to be proactive versus reactive.
This is HER account of HER experience and she has every right to express it! As a VERY strong proponent of breastfeeding; specifically in the AA community, I like to focus on the 97% of women who CAN breastfeed. We have the lowest breastfeeding rate of any ethnic group and the highest infant mortality rate. When a woman shares such a rare experience, and it seems as though people come out of the woodwork with “me too!”, as a lactation professional, I must admit , I get frustrated.
Most people don’t know that formula is the FOURTH option for infant feeding. Breastmilk, from the mothers breast is first, followed by pumped breastfmilk from the mother, third is donor milk, and formula should be a last resort. I try my best to shift my focus to “Big Business” and the “Booby Traps” (https://www.bestforbabes.org/breastfeeding-booby-traps/) that prevent women from reaching their breastfeeding goals. Birth interventions (C-sections, epidurals, etc.) and early newborn care all can have an impact on the success of breastfeeding.
I’m currently breastfeeding my fourth child and I would be here all day if I went into all of the cultural barriers that exist that makes even the best intentions to breastfeed fall short. I understand that the author was not discrediting breastfeeding, but I am so passionate about this topic, it is imperative that her experience is validated, but it is also critical that families are armed with the resources and information to completely understand the facts.
Why is it anyone’s business? $3.6 Billion dollars would be saved each year and 900 babies lives would be saved. This is a real health care issue! It’s not just a “choice”.
Again, I read the article, I understand the authors experience, but she is in a very small minority. I will continue to focus on the 97% than CAN but DON’T.
Perfect response!
Thank you! Very well stated!
I like your response and it is very well said and informative ..without judging..
We can’t discount anyone’s experience because they are in the minority. I am thankful that she wrote the article because it started the discussion. And yes people came out of the wood work to say me too..but then we have people like you that provided useful information as well.
We welcome all viewpoints on the site and you will frequently see that we even run Response articles…. when someone wants to provide their response or viewpoint to something that was written on the site. But we don’t support attacks (which I am not speaking about you)… on this site. The BMWK family does not welcome such nonsense on our site and there are plenty of other sites where you can be rude and belittle people.
i am wondering since BMWK does “not support attacks”…wouldn’t it be a good time for all of those attacking MC for his “opinion” to stop attacking? i think we have some good dialogue going without all of the back and forth attacking. MC this includes your responses to said attacks. We are all better than this.
Great response Dawn with great information. I have five children and I am a big supporter of breastfeeding,however, I was not able to breastfeed my last child. I am not a fan of commerical formula. After my experience with the medical community, I was not interesed in donor milk so I opted for making my own formula which worked great for us. It would be great to figure out a way to better educate mothers before and after birth in our community. I appauled your effort in supporting and encouraging the 97% of women who can and desire to breastfeed. There are still those who just assume that you are going to bottlefeed rather than breastfeed. A bottle of milk is popped in there mouths before you know it even though I requested to breastfeed. This was my experience before I started searching out midwives. I would like to see an article response on how we can changed the direction of this issue by educating women before and after pregnancy. And, also the pros of natural childbirth with a midwife which was another option I had to fight for.
Sorry for the typos. Trying to type and listen to a three and four year old.
i also appreciate your informed reply. I honestly don’t believe i had insufficient glandular tissue since i was able to produce milk, i was just not able to produce a sufficient amount for my son. the lactation consultants, my midwives, my holistic practitioners and other moms gave me lots of helpful advice and being a first time mom i followed it all to a tee, but it still didn’t increase my production. I am happy that giving my son a bottle didn’t turn him off from nursing, so we did both! I nursed him so that I felt comfortable that he was getting as much of the physical and mental health benefits from nursing that he could and bottle fed him so that he was satiated.
I appreciate articles such as this because it gives a realistic idea to those of us who have nursing difficulty that we aren’t aberrations or bad mothers.
Post it. I’d love to hear it. It seems like it’s only one asshole with no life who’s making all the negative comments
People on the outside looking in will always have opinions and you don’t have to listen because we are all unique beings. I remember the nurses trying to make me feel like an alien in the hospital 14yrs ago when I gave birth because I opted to breast feed and someone is always gonna try to make new parents feel inferior–I don’t know why…there is no documented expert way to parent. You do what works for you and nevermind what other people do. Thanks for sharing your experience–I’m sure your baby is a happy and healthy one. Take care.
I had a similar issue! I felt the same way. My issue was that I could not pump but when it was lip to boob, she was bale to get enough to get full. Don’t let ppl tell you that you are SUPPOSED to do it. Not everyone has the same body and everyone is NOT made the same way. We did formula and the breast for the first few days. Then after 5 months, it was all formula and I have a happy, healthy soon to be 2 year old with no problems! Do your thang girl!
@Michaelcovin, I just wanted to share that Love is also one of God’s Designs, and you could stand to be a little gentler with your words. Your facts would have been well received had you just stated them without the personal attack. A little encouragment toward the author would have been ideal as well. Just my two cents.
@Michaelcovin, I just wanted to share that Love is also one of God’s Designs, and you could stand to be a little gentler with your words. Your facts would have been well received had you just stated them without the personal attack. A little encouragment toward the author would have been ideal as well. Just my two cents.
I am a cancer survivor. But the cancer, cemo and feelings surrounding all of that has been nothing compared to the feelings surrounding me in my inability to breastfeed my children because of people like Michealcoven. I lost my breast to cancer. I can not breastfeed. FACT. Formula is not poison, it is why my babies are alive. FACT.
But that does not matter what matters is Breastfeeding is a medical decision. The gold standard of medical decisions is weighing the pros and cons to arrive at what is best for the patient. We dont start out endless articles about cancer with the automatic assumption “chemo is best,†do we? A patient evaulates what to do based on the input of doctors and independent research and goes from there. Whether that patient opts for chemo, or radiation, some combination of the two, or another treatment, they are doing what is “best†for them. And thats not going to be the same as someone else. How insensitive, how arrogant, how ignorant to assume otherwise! Not only does it completely fly in the face of established medical procedure, it completely invalidates the patient as a partner in his/her health.
Now look at breastfeeding. People make blanket assumptions–breast is best, breastmilk > formula–even among people who admit that the science doesnt show a causative relationship between breastmilk and good health or intelligence. Those assumptions, therefore, completely eliminate a womans choice in how she handles a **medical decision.** Before she has even had the chance to do anything, she is deemed incapable of properly weighing the pros and cons and must, by default, accept the way that BFing advocates who dont even know her weigh pros and cons.
And she is considered horribly ignorant if she does not accept this cookie-cutter pro/con analysis! BFing advocates almost universally never assume that a FF mom DID receive proper information, weighed the pros and cons, and ultimately made a medical decision to go with formula, because formula was what she deemed truly **best,** not just a somewhat acceptable alternative. This is mind-bogglingly damaging to all women, not just formula-feeding moms.
Women already get the short end of the stick in medicine. Issues that laregly affect women are automatically deemed “all in their heads†unless overwhelming evidence forces the powers that be (largely men) to admit that yes, they are “real.†Examples are chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Medicine deemed women “hysterical†and brainless centuries ago and were still fighting that assumption. So what breastfeeding advocates, anyone who starts with “breastmilk is best†as their basis are actually doing is buying into these old notions and setting women back in the realm of medicine because they are perpetuating the belief that women are not capable of making a valid medical decision based on logic and reason.
But the damage isnt just done in the world of medicine. When we say formula leads to poor health and intelligence (which it doesnt, I suggest you read Is Breast Best by Joan Wolf), we are allowing people to make women into scapegoats for everything that is wrong with society. Obesity epidemic? Must be womens fault, after all, formula-fed people are fatter. Failing schools? Women again, they fed their kids stuff that made them stupid. Crime rates going up? Formula kept women from bonding with their babies and making them into productive members of society. It sounds extreme when you lay it out like this, but if everything BFing advocates say about breastmilk vs. formula is true, this is the logical conclusion. If that sounds wrong to you, perhaps you can understand why it is so dangerous to assume that breastmilk has an unequivocal advantage over formula.
If the science were overwhelming, if causation could be proved, if there werent millions of other factors–large, like genetics and small, like whether you ate at Hardees once at the age of 5–that made people turn out the way they do, then all of this would be moot. But then, Id say that no BFing advocate should dare open her mouth unless she donated enough milk for those of us who, medically, cannot breastfeed. As the author of this article pointed out, theres reality to consider. The science doesnt show causation, and what it does show is not overwhelming.
Perhaps, instead of making blanket statements that involve the word “best†at all, it would be far more productive to address the correlation factor unearthed in the science, and encourage women to weigh the pros and cons of their other decisions. If BM-fed kids tend to be healthier just because their moms tend to have a healthier focus, it comes down to encouraging exercise and healthy solid food choices, not breastfeeding. Even there, there are no absolutes; a family with a history of allergies may not be able to experience the health benefits of nuts or a Mediterranean diet because of an allergy to seafood. Why waste limited resources fighting so viciously for breastfeeding when there are other ways people could be helped more?
Were wasting time and energy fighting over the wrong thing, and damaging women in the eyes of the medical community and in public policy for nothing. Either way, this notion of “best†completely invalidates not only the choices of women but invalidates women in general as advocates for their own health and the health of their children. It plays into the hands of the most misogynistic factions of society and sets women back.
Breast is NOT best. Formula is NOT best. What is BEST is for each woman to decide.
I have 3 healthy, beautiful and intelligent children who have learnt from me compassion, understanding and humility, something that is much more important than what my breast may or may not have to offer and something I fear Michealcoven’s children may never learn. Now that is wrong……
Thanks Terri for yours words 🙂
Wow, there is alot going on in this thread and its sad how a mother’s personal experience can move into an attack. I personally was one of those who could not make enough milk and had to formula feed my baby and guess what… I became a lactation consultant because I knew as young black girl with a baby there was no breastfeeding support out there for me. I became a family nurse practitioner because I know women need expert lactation support over time by someone who excepts INSURANCE.nnThe fact is there is inadequate information all around us but just because a mother hasn’t tapped into the right person to find the diagnosis and solution doesn’t mean she is bad or stupid or any other derogatory name someone can call out.nnMany women have issues with milk supply related to medical hx, hormonal abnormalities, physical challenges, infant oral issues and the list goes on. To the Author: I didn’t see you mention you went to see a u00a0IBCLC (Internation Board Certified Lactation Consultant). May I suggest with your next baby you seek one out in your area at http://www.ilca.com and have a prenatal consult. Rehash what you experienced and come up with a plan to make the next breastfeeding experience more enjoyable.