By Cassandra Paul

19 years is a long time to be with someone. Change is inevitable. I was delusional to believe that the handsome young man I married long ago would remain the same.  Don’t get me wrong, he is still handsome, even the more but he is definitely not the same young “whipper-snapper” I snatched up at the age of 23.  He’s better in some areas. There’s always room for improvement in others. We are both a work in progress.

We married fairly young. Boy did I have a lot to learn! Marriage exposes everything you think you know and most importantly everything you don’t! Over the years, Love has taught me many things. One in particular is how to love him selflessly.

For the first 8 years of our union I can honestly say that in my “own world”, I believed my husband was to spend all of his time with only me and his daughters.  I never spoke those words aloud. But in my private, naive, thoughts, I somewhat assumed when he went to work or other places without me, he talked, but not like he talks with ME. Sure he was laughing! But he couldn’t possibly be laughing and being silly in the same way he did with me? I ignorantly believed only I could see what a kind, gentle, caring, patient, funny, man he is. Boy was I wrong because………

“She.” Snapped. Me. Out. Of. My. Trance.

In marriage we make the grave mistake of taking our spouses for granted. We assume they will always be around. We sometimes live as though we have 100 years left together. The reality is we don’t. One never knows what tomorrow or even TODAY may bring. Accepting this harsh, very real possibility is what caused me to want to love my husband every day with my whole being. Knowing that one accident or tragedy could change the dynamics in our union, or worse off separate us for a lifetime, help me to see that he was a man that was happy before he met me! He was a son, a brother, a cousin, an ex-boyfriend, a father, and co-worker……… before me! He wasn’t moping around. HE WAS HAPPY! HE HAD A LIFE! His happiness didn’t start because of me! And even after having the privilege of loving him all of these years, his happiness shouldn’t end with me. He’s a great person! Why would I want to keep that all to myself?

Does this mean I give him permission to cheat with any “she” that he works or comes in contact with? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Does this mean that I give him a license to mistreat me? Absolutely not! Should I lose myself as a woman just to please him and make him happy? ABSOUTELY NOT!  Nor does it mean that I ignore all of his shortcomings in the name of being in happy and in love.

Should God bless us with the next 100 years, I want him to be happy. Should something happen in our relationship and we part ways (God Forbid), I want him to be happy. He is still the only Father to my children. They need him happy. When I leave this earth to be in heaven (not too soon, of course), I want him happy! I’ve had a front row seat watching as he has come into “his own”, coaching, and molding young minds, while being an inspiration. This makes him happy! When he knows he has the liberty to BE GREAT in and outside of our home – this makes him happy. I’ll continue to share him with our children and the world, because his influence is so needed and so important. Hogging all of his time and attention is selfish. Besides, when we meet under the covers after our very long individual days and our bodies melt as one, leaving the world behind, I’m glad I add to his happiness.

After all, he deserves to be happy………even if it doesn’t revolve around me!

BMWK, Are you will to share you spouse for them to be happy?

Cassandra Paul is the wife of one man for 19 years and mother of 4 beautiful daughters. She currently works as a Project Specialist for an Alternative Youth Program and has taught for over 10 years grades K-12. She is the Creator of Two Social Clubs S.A.S.S.Y Circle (women’s group 18+) and Lighthouse Love where she seeks to encourage Marriage Couples to stand up, be visible in the community as they learn how to grow closer together. She is the author of a book launching in March 2015, “It won’t be because I didn’t tell you!” Specifically written in love for girls ages 12-21 and their parents.