I am really intrigued with this one. When I first heard the story that Seattle Seahawks’ quarterback, Russell Wilson, has a new girlfriend, singer Ciara, it didn’t register a blip on my radar of care or concern.
Then when I heard they were trying not to have sex, I was like, “Why put that out there…so if you end up having sex, then the whole world is going to judge you.”
Then, when I heard the humdinger,
“God told me to lead her.”
I was like…Skerrrt!!! Wait…what did he say?
After further investigation (i.e., watching Russell’s interview with Pastor Miles McPherson of Rock Church), I respect the fact that he believes his purpose is to be Ciara’s leader. I also appreciate his statement bringing to light a discussion I’ve been having on my blog, His Leadership Her Trust, for 2-years: teaching Christian men how to be leaders in their relationship
But just because a man answers the call to be her leader, doesn’t mean he knows how to carry out the responsibilities associated with it.
Forget about Russell for now. He’s an easy target. Rather, let’s focus on those of us who claim the status husband, fiancé, or boyfriend…and are pursuing the call to be leaders in our relationships. Do we really know how to do what we are pursuing? Can we really handle the responsibilities associated with it? These are valid questions…from the follower’s standpoint.
Here are two critical things every man must know how to do if he wants to lead today’s contemporary woman. So Russell Wilson, listen up!
1. Build Security
A man must know how to make a woman…scratch that…his woman feel secure. Because…what worked for them, might not work for her.
There are three security needs women have:
- Financial Security: having enough money for now and the future
- Physical Security: feeling safe from physical harm
- Emotional Security: knowing he cares about your feelings and concerns
Right now, in increasing numbers, women simply don’t feel secure letting a man be the leader in their relationship. There’s no shortage of reasons why they don’t feel secure…so let’s not get side tracked. The bottom line is…in order for her to feel secure, he has to address her three security needs according to her satisfaction in order for her to even consider letting him lead. Otherwise, don’t even come at her talkin’ ‘bout, “follow me”.
My wife of 17 years, BerNadette, had a strong need for financial security when we were engaged. I was good at managing money, so we agreed I would manage the finances. Three months into our marriage, I got hit with a small, minor, teeny-weeny tax garnishment issue. Yeah…the Feds snatch three consecutive pay checks…without notice. They had me looking like boo-boo-the-fool. And my wife looking at me like, “What did I get myself into?”
This set us back almost two years. During that time, I had to rebuild her trust. I provided her with frequent financial updates and discussed our financial plans in great detail. This gave her a sense of calm and peace… and over time, the financial security she needed to be able to follow my leadership in that area.
2. Build Trust
As a leader, trust from your mate is the confidence she has that you will do what she expects you to do according to the status you hold in her life. So, it’s your responsibility to set her expectations for what you can and will do according to the status you hold. Then do it. This will build her trust and security in you as a leader because you are meeting the expectations you’ve set.
But if you stop meeting her expectations…or continually fall short, you depreciate her confidence in you as being a person she can trust and rely on. Then, her security in who you are, what you say, and what you do will fly out the window, along with your leadership.
So in order to be her leader, Russell Wilson, and the rest of us, must be diligent in finding out how to make a woman feel financially, physically, and (the often elusive) emotionally secure. In so doing, we must set her expectations on how we will provide that security. And finally, stick to what we commit to do. This will give a woman peace and she will actually want to follow you as a leader.
BMWK Ladies – What do you need to feel secure enough to let a man be the leader in your relationship?
BMWK Gentlemen – What do you need to do to provide security so a woman will be willing to follow you?