4. The friends with benefits/no-strings-attached relationship will NEVER develop into something meaningful. No woman should ever have to gamble with the prospect of elevating from “spare booty” to a meaningful relationship with a man. To even suggest that a woman suspend her dignity for meaningless gratuitous sex is a gross underestimation of the value of a woman. More importantly, friends with benefits and no-strings-attached relationships are misnomers.
Benefits are inherent in all friendships. Genuine friendships are inherently beneficial and mutually rewarding. A sexual relationship is a specific relationship with a totally different dynamic than platonic relationships. Friends with benefits are a category that’s used to combine two mutually exclusive relationships for the purpose of reaping the benefits of one without the responsibilities of the other.
5. Side chicks are 20 somethings looking for a sugar daddy. Even if this were true, what difference would it make? Side chicks only enter relationships by invitation of another woman’s uncommitted disloyal man. There are no age limits or financial limits for these unfortunate women who buy into their own exploitation and allow themselves to be the second-string coming-off-the-bench women in the lives of unsuitable men.
6. The side-chick is just a sex partner, nothing more. A side-chick is a woman who is a willing victim of a very selfish man. The fact that a woman willingly agrees to be used for sex does not change the fact that she is a victim, “nothing more.” It’s possible that a side-chick could become a “main chick”, but this “upgrade” is a gamble not worth winning. How could any woman trust a man when she was the other woman in his life? What would make her think her “promotion” would not leave a space for a new side-chick to fill? A woman should be pursued by a man who has chosen her above all others.
What’s left unmentioned in these 6 myths (in addition to what has already been presented) is that there is no accountability for the behavior of the men who benefit the most from these “arrangements” (it would give far too much credit to legitimize them by calling them relationships). These discussions always seem to focus attention on the women and rarely, if ever, the men. These women are either blamed for “allowing” men to use them or their relationships are written off as “fair exchange” which seeks to absolve men of any responsibility for the emotional damage that results when the relationships come to a crashing end. That is the biggest myth of all that somehow did not make the list.
BMWK, What do you think about these myths?
Thanks for this piece, it’s a big issue and yes the burden is on the women alot of times…sad. Men need to be accountable as well, they always seem to get off with a slap on the wrist.
You’re welcome, Susan, I couldn’t agree more. Men must be held accountable.
Thank you for your comments on this and other important topics. The article you reference regarding the “forum” is baseless, self-serving, foolishness. As I have been in the past so can directly relate, these perspectives only serve to perpetuate and justify the selfishness we as men can become engrossed. Speaking generally about the “forum” as you mentioned, it provides a salacious environment drawing women (Black Womens Expo) and others without retaining any sense of moralistic integrity or speaking to the real truths of this matter. Many of those truths you address, lending very sound perspective, here in your article.
I’ve lived and held previously many of the perspectives the men on this forum address and I can say with certainty, the only person who benefits by acceptance (or “buy in” by others) of them was me.
Jay, there is nothing I would dare to try to add to your comments other than my greatest respect for your well-said contribution to the topic.
Thank you.
100% agree!!!! You are really touching on the right perspective…. more please…lol…but all jokes a side I couldn’t agree more. Thank you!!!
You’re welcome, Cassandra. More articles are coming 🙂 If you haven’t read the others, you can search by my name.
Thank you.
Am not sure a man cheats because he is not sexually satisfied. Some men don’t know what they want..They follow friends and cheat and they destroy their good relationships. Not even talk of infections. Some men are tooo weak. Before a woman will cheat on u she will talk about all the time and trust me she knows u cheating and will do same.
Racheal, men don’t cheat because they are not sexually satisfied. Even if that were the case, the honorable thing to do would be to end the relationship and pursue one that meets his needs.
Men that cheat do so because they mistakenly equate their conquests with manhood. Conquering more women shows how much of a man they are. Unfortunately, this is the message that popular culture teaches them through various forms of media, music, print, tv and the big screen. When men learn that manhood is not predicated on how many women they can compromise, their manhood paradigm shifts.
I don’t like that some of these articles are biased about infidelity, just as many men have been cheated on.
Anonymous, this particular article was written in direct response to another article listed in the article itself. In this article, I address the “6 myths” that an all-male relationship panel addressed. I thought their answers were unsatisfactory and decided to respond to the same questions via this article. I don’t think I suggested anywhere that women don’t cheat. The writer of this article (me) has been cheated on by multiple women. The fact that I have been cheated on does not prevent me from being able to address male infidelity in a manner that is fair to the subject which is what I set out to do in this article.