We’ve heard it time and time again: A sexless marriage is not a healthy marriage. Of course, marriage is about friendship, compromise, a spiritual connection and a shared vision, but let’s keep it real—a healthy marriage is also about a good sex life. Once you eliminate sex from the equation, you’re dealing with a roommate, not a spouse.
So how does a sexless marriage happen? For some, it’s something that happens with time. Things start off great, but life gets crazy and intimacy takes a backseat to everything else. For other couples, intimacy has always been an issue, but one that’s never been addressed. But there’s hope. Having a sexless marriage doesn’t mean you have to stay in one for the rest of your lives together.
We’ve all heard jokes about the wife who holds out because she’s mad at her husband or just isn’t interested because she’s exhausted. We all also know that those jokes are rooted in a whole lot of truth. And while holding out in the bedroom has some element of humor to it, it’s not funny to the guy who’s not getting any from his wife. He’s not laughing at all.
So men, if you are wondering why your sex life is not what you want it to be, here are three of the biggest reasons why your wife isn’t interested and what you can do to change that.
This may seem like a lame excuse, but exhaustion is REAL. If your wife is balancing a number of things like a career, children, aging parents and your household, her exhaustion is not just an excuse to avoid sex. It’s likely that she is genuinely too tired to even think about it, and if it boils down to sex or sleep, she chooses sleep.
If it seems like your wife is struggling with her day-to-day load, offering her some more help may alleviate some of the stress and increase her interest in sex. If you have a demanding job and you feel like helping her more is going to be tough, maybe you can offer her extra help by hiring a cleaning service to help with household chores or a babysitter who can give her some well-deserved “me” time.
She’s Working Through Something
It’s possible that your wife’s lack of interest in sex has absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe her confidence has taken a hit, and she needs to rebuild it before she’s interested in sex again. Maybe she is suffering silently from depression or anxiety, and she’s completely lost interest in the things she once enjoyed.
She may also be dealing with any number of medical issues that can make her lose interest in sex or make sex feel painful or uncomfortable. Talk to her about how she is feeling, and you may be able to get to the bottom of what’s really going on.
You Have Unresolved Issues
Hoping for a healthy sex life when you know damn well that your marriage is suffering is crazy. If you have been fighting a lot lately or you know there are some issues that just haven’t been resolve, those things may be connected to the lack of intimacy.
If it seems like you both aren’t working through your issues on your own, you should really consider counseling or therapy to help you work through your issues. When hurt, resentment, anger and frustration are hanging over your marriage, having a good sex life isn’t easy to do.
BMWK family, have you ever hit a dry patch in your marriage? How did you get your sex life back on track?