I encounter quite a few individuals in committed relationships who are aware of their partner’s desires and yet still struggle to meet those needs. In most cases they have heard their spouse complain time and time again about what is missing in the relationship, and for some reason they wait until the breaking point has arrived before they decide to actually do something about it.
Deciding to act when the marriage is in trouble is almost arriving a little too late to the party. Occasionally, certain desires from the other partner aren’t taken seriously, other times we are just too concerned about our own needs getting met to ensure our spouse’s are taken care of also.
By the time our marriage is in trouble, and we realize how much it actually means to us, is when the majority of folks decide to take action to save it. There are usually a ton of excuses used to explain why the person isn’t able to meet their partner’s needs.
Justifying why you’re not willing to make your spouse happy causes confusion, frustration and regret. Couples must be proactive in the beginning by being aware of what is needed to maintain a marriage that honors both partners.
For the most part, we often know what our relationship is missing. For example, if your spouse complains about your poor communication skills, why wait until they are fed up to begin communicating effectively?
Or if it’s more sex and intimacy that your partner is requesting, it shouldn’t be withheld because you don’t think they are deserving of it. If there are challenges in the relationship preventing you from being fully present in your intimacy, discuss them immediately.
Repeating the same requests and feeling unfulfilled gets old real quick.
Sometimes the threat of divorce is enough to cause us to wake up, but it should never have to get to that point. We might not always realize how serious our partner is about receiving satisfaction in the relationship. We must remember, no one wants to be miserable in their relationship. Repeating the same requests and feeling unfulfilled gets old real quick.
Remember, the goal in your partnership is to create the best relationship possible for your partner, and vice versa. Do know that you are solely responsible for your own actions.
We are also mature enough to know when our behavior is not benefitting the relationship. When we know better, we do better. We have to stop pretending we don’t know better. There shouldn’t have to be a threat of divorce before we start making better choices in our marriage. It is exhausting to find yourself, in the eleventh hour, scrambling to do all the things you weren’t doing before.
Our partners usually give us some indication of what may be missing for them in the marriage. It is our responsibility to listen and respond, sooner rather than later.
BMWK, are there any requests your partner keeps making and what are you doing to ensure they are met?
Torey says
me and my wife is at that point right now but i found out a little to late. she has fought her desire fulfilled somewhere else and competing in a fibeght it seems i can’t win. she said i can never be the other man but she is confused on where she wants to be. he has fulfilled her desire seemingly naturally.
Anonymous says
My wife and I are at this point also and I’m done. It’s such a long story that’s it’s frustrating. Please understand that I was not requesting this every night but when I did try to initiate the mood she would respond with “this is all you want from me” and it got me to a point where I just don’t initiate it anymore.
Anonymous says
I’m at the end of my rope with my husband. Anytime I raise something that bothers me, he turns it on me and goes to these extremes like not speaking, getting up to sleep in the guest room when I get in bed. It’s been going on most of our short 10 month marriage. I just think he doesn’t want to be married and instead of investing in and nurturing our marriage, he wants to fight. I can’t take it. I know that I will end up cheating on him so I’d rather divorce. Counseling has not worked. We should not have married.
Anthony says
As a married man I didn’t think that Dex was going to be an issue in my marriage. But for 5-6 years out of 9yrs this subject has been the TOP issue. I want my wife but she doesn’t seem to want me. She say she does but saying it and doing it is 2 different things. She shows no desire for a x at all!!! Yes, it is terribly frustrating and I truly hate it but I’m praying that God will make things better soon !!!
Sunshine says
This is probably the best article I’ve read so far. My husband wants me to initiate sex sometimes but I’m not interested because it has gotten boring and prediticable. Plus I pay majority of the bills, make all the decisions for the household and the main bread winner so I have so much hostility I don’t even look forward to being intimate with him. We’ve been married for 6 years and I feel like I’m raising a child. Sometimes I don’t think we are going to make it and I rather be by myself than to be miserable.