We’ve all seen and laughed at sitcoms with the same old storyline. The husband messes up, the wife gets annoyed, and her revenge involves a promise to deny him what he seems to want most: sex.
It’s hilarious when we see it on television, but what happens when that sitcom becomes your life? It’s not so funny anymore. Using intimacy as a way to express anger or frustration starts to feel cruel. And what started off as a once in a blue moon occurrence when you have a fight becomes a way of life. No husband (or wife) is happy about that.
Sexless marriages are far more common than most people think. According to this study, sexless marriages have actually quadrupled in the last 20 years. Yet, many couples in these relationships don’t openly talk about it with each other—let alone other people. The idea of going to a sex therapist is one that many couples won’t even consider.
Marriage is certainly not all about sex, I think we can all agree that sex is very, very important. A long-term lack of intimacy can begin to wreak havoc on a marriage that was once intact.
And although this isn’t always the case, some men often do seem confused about why they aren’t getting any action in the bedroom anymore. While every man handles this lack of intimacy differently, most responses rarely aid in repairing a damaged marriage.
Sex within marriage can’t be just about momentary satisfaction. Sure, sex feels good. But if that is the only thing on your mind, you are missing an important piece of the puzzle. It’s so much deeper than feeling good.
Husbands, if you find yourself in a sexless marriage and you’ve just about had enough, here are five reasons why you may not be getting any, along with a few things you can do to make things better.
She’s struggling with depression
One of the common symptoms of depression is losing interest in things that once brought you pleasure. Sometimes your wife’s lack of interest is not about you at all. She may not even be sure what’s going on.
When someone you love is going through something, you may feel like you are the one suffering. When the reality is, they are—and they need your support more than ever. Try to connect with your wife more and find out what’s really going on before you assume she’s just not into you anymore.
She hasn’t forgiven you
Although you may tell yourself that you don’t know why your wife is giving you the cold shoulder, chances are you know exactly what’s going on. As a matter of fact, you can probably pinpoint the moment things went south.
If you did something to wrong your wife, she may not be able to forgive you overnight. Forgiveness often requires prayer, counseling and time. Do whatever you need to do to earn her trust because that is the only way you will regain the intimacy you once had.
Her stress levels are through the roof
Nothing makes women lose interest in sex like stress and exhaustion. If your wife is juggling home responsibilities with the kids and who knows what else, she may genuinely be too tired to make sex a priority. When given the choice between sex and sleep, she chooses sleep. So where does that leave you?
Try helping more often, and just ask her what she needs. I’ll be the first to admit that most women have a hard time asking anyone for help—even their own husbands. Help alleviate some of that stress, and things may begin to change in the bedroom.
She has a medical issue going on
Similar to depression, some medical issues can go undetected. If the lack of sex in your marriage seems sudden and your wife is not even sure what’s wrong, it may have to do with a condition that impacts her hormones. Encourage your wife to stay on top of her health, and you do the same. A healthy sex life is a lot more likely if it’s between two healthy people.
The bedroom seems to be the only place you want to connect
You can’t ignore your wives needs all day, and then expect her to get down in the bedroom. That’s crazy. Your wife has many needs that are not sexual. Make an effort to connect with her in other ways. Try meeting her other needs. If you do that, you are on the path to rebuilding a relationship that is fractured.
BMWK family, what have you done to improve your sex life?