By: Dr. George James
In medieval times, or in any episode of Game of Thrones, you’ll find that people literally live in a castle. It could be a King and his Queen, a Lord and Lady, or a Duke and Duchess. As such, the castle is uniquely built to keep noble men and women safe from invaders. Boundaries such as high walls, arrow slits, drawbridges, and moats are used to defend and protect both the individuals and the valuables of the castle. Well, in our relationships, we need to protect our intimacy and sex life with boundaries just like a castle.
You see, without boundaries, anyone could invade and take over the castle. It would be difficult to maintain power, consistency, or nobility if just anyone is allowed to breach its walls. Yet surprisingly, we allow all forms of intrusion when it comes to our intimacy and sex life.
It can be easy to ignore boundaries when it comes to work, or friends, family, and other responsibilities. But, without boundaries in these areas, we leave no time for intimacy and sex. If you find that you are too tired, too busy, and too stressed to spend quality and sexual time with your partner, then you are not protecting your castle. The good thing is that it’s not too late to make a change and revive your intimacy and sex life.
5 Steps to Getting Sex on the Regular in Your Marriage
- Schedule Your Booty Call – A lot of people think that if you have to schedule time to have sex, it is not romantic. But it is. For a lot of people with busy lives, you might not have any time for intimacy and sex if you don’t schedule it. Make sure no one will interfere with your time. Set your boundaries and schedule your booty call with your spouse.
- Remember Your Partner is important too – It can be easy to focus on the kids, job, family and friends. Sometimes, you might even say the things you do are important. But your partner is important too. Let him or her know that they are still a high priority for you. Do something special and then get it on.
- Take Turns Initiating the Romance – When was the last time you initiated sex or made sure there was a babysitter for the kids? Don’t leave it up to your partner to get the party started. Take turns. This time, you are up.
- Spend Non-Sexual Quality Time – Being intimate does not always mean sex. It is important to have non-sexual quality time. This includes being close, holding hands, kissing, etc without the expectation or pressure of sex. Adding this to your routine can help build your closeness and passion.
- Make Sure to Keep it Sexy – You are still attractive to your partner. But your partner still wants to see you sexy side. That outfit, cologne/perfume, that look or even how you talk. Let her or him know that you want to be with them. Spice it up try something new or something from the past.
In The Drop By, the third episode, of the new web series “Funny Married Stuff ,” a couple uses a humorous approach to discuss what it takes to protect the intimacy and passion in their marriage from invaders such as friends, family, work and busy schedules. Check out the episode here:
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Maybe you find yourself in a similar situation as the couple in this episode or you relate to the example above. Take time to discuss how to maintain intimacy and sex in your relationship. Protecting your love life is as important as protecting your castle because once you stop defending what’s yours, it can be taken away and even harder to recover.
Dr. George James, LMFT speaks, counsels, consults, coaches and teaches people how to overcome difficult relationships problems and build successful happy connections. James has been a reoccurring expert on many radio, TV and online programs. He is also a reoccurring relationship contributor to Ebony magazine. James is a staff therapist and an AAMFT-approved supervisor at Council For Relationships. Find out more about Dr. George James at GeorgeTalks.com.