Do you ever wonder why men like sex? Because they really do. Men like sex! Okay now that we’ve gotten that out of the way and now that every woman reading this feels like it will just confirm her thoughts of men being “horn dogs,” I would like to take this time to make this blog about more than just sex. Men, before you start beating your chest and saying “YEAH!” and ladies before you start rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, hear me out. This blog post isn’t about ego, this article is about understanding and reconnecting. So, open your mind and seek to understand. Ladies, to strengthen your bond of intimacy, your men need you to understand a few things about their sex drive.
6 Things Ladies Must Understand About Why Men Like Sex
1. Just Because It’s not a Priority to YOU, Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t to Him
Ladies, if sex is an afterthought for you and not at the top of your priority list, for him it probably is. Just like you need him to communicate and be engaged and connected to you, he needs you to make love with him. Connection— this is one of the reasons why men like sex.
2. It’s Not Just About the Physical for Him
He wants to be wanted too and sex keeps him emotionally connected to you. Believe it or not, having sex with you gives him feelings of confidence beyond the bedroom. Sexual desire and the act itself are the releases that he needs to RECHARGE.
3. Stop Making Excuses and Just Go Through the Motions
Finding every reason not to have sex, having a headache every night, or creating an atmosphere that subliminally tells your partner you aren’t interested, is hurtful too.
YES, rushing to put on the head wrap or face mask, and sneaking into bed before he even has a chance to make it in the room is a signal to him that you aren’t interested… AGAIN.
Oh, and inviting the kids to come to sleep in the room with y’all don’t help the situation either… you aren’t slick. Understand that just going through the motions and hoping he “hurries up and finishes” is something he notices. He would rather be rejected than feel like he is having to coerce his wife into wanting to have sex with him. Intimacy is what they’re also after, ladies.
4. He Gets Tired Too
Just like you work, he works; just like you have kids, he has kids; so you being tired all of the time can’t be the consistent reason to deny your man intimacy. The thing about sex is that, just like any other activity, the hardest part is just getting started and then momentum takes over.
In addition to literally being tired, he also gets tired figuratively. This means that the more he is rejected, the less he will try. And when he stops trying, then HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM! Suddenly, he gets really frustrated and you start having a household full of sexual frustration and it’s communicated through passive aggressiveness.
Have you ever wondered why, at times, you think things are all good, but:
- He comes off a little short with you?
- Does he start communicating less?
- Does he start investing more time in his hobbies?
- He starts spending more time outside of the house?
Well, men like to be places where they are wanted and desired so think about the last time you made him feel that way. If it’s been a while, you may want to do something about it.
5. Other Women Will Pick Up on the Vulnerability
I already know this is the one that is going to make people uncomfortable because they think it’s so selfish, but, as a woman, think about the times that men have been hurt and confided in you for comfort.
Your man is no different. Many times when he is feeling rejected or not affirmed at home, he will go out of his way to get that affirmation elsewhere.
He might not even sleep with the woman, but just the fact that she finds him desirable will be intriguing and desirable for him. Oh, and there are many women picking up on the void: the ones at work, the ones in the gym, or sometimes even your “friends,” so don’t give them any holes to fill.
Note for men: This isn’t an excuse to go and step out on your woman, because there are many other solutions to prevent things from getting to this level.
6. Open Your Mouth
The same time you spend telling your girlfriends about the reasons you don’t desire sex with your man is the same time you need to spend letting him in on the secret.
I know you may think you’re doing him a favor by not telling him if it’s something potentially hurtful (like you aren’t satisfied sexually) but trust me you’re doing more damage by just avoiding and rejecting him.
Now with that said, how you communicate is important as well, but that’s an entirely different blog post in itself. Just know that yelling and telling him how terrible he is in bed probably won’t get the desired result.
Ladies, I know these have been a hard pill for you to swallow, but these are the things your girlfriends can’t tell you and sometimes your man is too prideful to communicate to you.
Learn some ways on how to tell if your sex life is successful with this video from the OWN:
You can get mad and tell me how biased and misogynistic the article is and blah, blah, blah, or you can actually kill the ego and try to hear what I am saying about why men like sex. Listening might be the very thing to help save your relationship and sex life. Oh and I haven’t forgotten about the fellas, stay tuned… I’ve got some things for them to consider as well!
Did I miss anything on the list of why men like sex, BMWK Fam? Feel free to add to the list and tell me your thoughts in the comments section below!
Up Next: 7 Ways to Bring Sex and Sexy Back to Your Marriage
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in October 2015. It has been updated for accuracy and relevancy.
So how about if it’s the other way around?
I would say the same rules apply. Both need to understand that when you become married your bodies are not your own. Apparently Christian marriages forget that command. Just like our bodies are not our own when we believe and accept Christ same thing applies in marriage. Hopefully you are communicating this lacking. I remember going through this same thing and it created holes in other areas that eventually led to divorce. Definitely a learning experience. I pray you and your husband never venture down that path.
Lisa and Drae hello and thanks to you both for reading and commenting. I would say I have to agree with Drae. The key is open and HONEST communication and then understanding and ACTION! We can’t fix what we don’t communicate about. Thanks again for reading and good luck with communicating your needs.
Very good points in this article. I totally agree with the listening and understanding. I feel this goes both ways for both men and women. Likewise I feel like men need to communicate their feelings better. I am guilty of this, but also can testify that when I started being vulnerable and communicating my marriage got a lot stronger and easier.
Thanks Ray. Please, reach one teach one. Continue to share this in your circle of influence. Presence, vulnerability and better communication is key to men getting their physical/emotional needs met in the bedroom. If we both work outside the home to bring in resources, we both need to be pulling the weight at home too. That goes a very long way to preserving her energy for intimate moments. But it starts way before bedtime for her.
Ray I agree the key to all of this is the communication, listening and understanding piece. I agree that vulnerability is the key as well and if we are going to have healthy marriages we have to open all the way up and go ALL IN! Thats one of the reasons that I write these articles is to give men a voice and to help men to understand that it’s okay to feel and be vulnerable. Nothing changes if we dont communicate our feelings and needs, but we also need an environment from our women that allow us to communicate without blame or judgment.
Hopefully, if the woman’s excuse for being tired is that she is taking on more of the child rearing, housework, and she is working outside of the house, the husband listens and helps take on more. Being tired can also mean that there are health issues that aren’t being addressed. Both spouses need to be privy to what’s going on. Both spouses need to make sure that the other spouse isn’t being overwhelmed, because if that is the case, being too tired for sex is a valid excuse everytime.
Thanks for reading! Again i believe all of this can be solved with communication, understanding, and action. There is no reason that either spouse shouldnt know how the other spouse is feeling, especially if there are health issues. We have to be 100% open with our spouses because we can’t blame them for what they don’t know. Thanks for commenting!
no problem i guess, it’s just important to note people DO have different sex drives, if the man totally outmatches his spouse or vice verse, then it’s clearly not a good fit. one will get frustrated and the other could feel used. you’re right, it is about connection, however, it’s NOT about sympathy or guilt
I can’t wait to read the other article because you just stepped all on my feet
Tomecka sometimes we gotta have those toes stepped on in order to make a change. I hope it hurt enough for you to make a change if this article spoke to you. Stay tuned for part 2!
milton ransom
It’s really quite simple and not complicated at all. Men like sex because it feels good, and I’m not too sold on the emotionalism aspects of the desire for connections, etc.., approach, because generally speaking, men aren’t really emotional types. Or, at the least, they don’t show their emotions. Also, because the myriad of unwed, single, abandoned, and divorced mothers, that I’ve personally encountered over my lifetime, showed me that for the men involved with those women, it was about the feel good sex and pretty much not much more. Something worth keeping in mind whenever broaching the topic of sex, is to not arbitrarily assume or equate sex with love or emotions. For many men it’s simply an exercise in feeling good. This approach can explain why many cheating men can compartmentalize and store away their dalliances because there’s no real or substantial attachment. In summation, respectfully cutting through the red tape and getting down to the nitty gritty. Your man always wants sex because sex feels good. Peace.
this is some bull shit tbh. yes, communication is important but your body IS your own. telling women that they are obligated to have sex with their husbands even if they don’t want to is not the right path. it’ll make the woman feel uncomfortable, maybe violated, and angry. of course this goes both ways as well. there’s so many factors that can contribute to this like some women find sex painful or truly ARE tired, sex should feel natural not forced because someone needs to make their SO happy by having sex. reply back if you want, idc, just needed to put this out there in case people read this bs article and felt ashamed for not giving their SO their body. peace
Speak the truth
I really dont know who you are but i totally dont agree with you cause some men find sex is good and some of them really want sex because its their desire and they are truly sexually active but some men find ladies as an object And having sex will not truly be solved on depression.
Take a note: some of the men want sex because its their desire or they fall in love in her but having sex also lead into chaos of others because some of the men even cheat to their Wife or Girlfriend it also lead into depression and abuse of other but men also need to control their body of being sexually active in others.
Also sex is not just communication or emotion its also other way around.
Sex is for the person that are willing to give their love and emotion in others and willing to accept them as their own and for the person that will truly just for them and always for them cause some men find sex as fun but if they find sex as fun they truly not love or give their emotion on that person cause if that man only want sex as fun they only desire that person as their pleasure and object same as women.
But if men want to make sex with her men must love her as her own and and as their own and only give their emotions and love only for the women they love.
I definitely agree some your article as well but not completely.