Do you ever wonder why men like sex? Because they really do. Men like sex! Okay now that we’ve gotten that out of the way and now that every woman reading this feels like it will just confirm her thoughts of men being “horn dogs,” I would like to take this time to make this blog about more than just sex. Men, before you start beating your chest and saying “YEAH!” and ladies before you start rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, hear me out. This blog post isn’t about ego, this article is about understanding and reconnecting. So, open your mind and seek to understand. Ladies, to strengthen your bond of intimacy, your men need you to understand a few things about their sex drive.
6 Things Ladies Must Understand About Why Men Like Sex
1. Just Because It’s not a Priority to YOU, Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t to Him
Ladies, if sex is an afterthought for you and not at the top of your priority list, for him it probably is. Just like you need him to communicate and be engaged and connected to you, he needs you to make love with him. Connection— this is one of the reasons why men like sex.
2. It’s Not Just About the Physical for Him
He wants to be wanted too and sex keeps him emotionally connected to you. Believe it or not, having sex with you gives him feelings of confidence beyond the bedroom. Sexual desire and the act itself are the releases that he needs to RECHARGE.
3. Stop Making Excuses and Just Go Through the Motions
Finding every reason not to have sex, having a headache every night, or creating an atmosphere that subliminally tells your partner you aren’t interested, is hurtful too.
YES, rushing to put on the head wrap or face mask, and sneaking into bed before he even has a chance to make it in the room is a signal to him that you aren’t interested… AGAIN.
Oh, and inviting the kids to come to sleep in the room with y’all don’t help the situation either… you aren’t slick. Understand that just going through the motions and hoping he “hurries up and finishes” is something he notices. He would rather be rejected than feel like he is having to coerce his wife into wanting to have sex with him. Intimacy is what they’re also after, ladies.
4. He Gets Tired Too
Just like you work, he works; just like you have kids, he has kids; so you being tired all of the time can’t be the consistent reason to deny your man intimacy. The thing about sex is that, just like any other activity, the hardest part is just getting started and then momentum takes over.
In addition to literally being tired, he also gets tired figuratively. This means that the more he is rejected, the less he will try. And when he stops trying, then HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM! Suddenly, he gets really frustrated and you start having a household full of sexual frustration and it’s communicated through passive aggressiveness.
Have you ever wondered why, at times, you think things are all good, but:
- He comes off a little short with you?
- Does he start communicating less?
- Does he start investing more time in his hobbies?
- He starts spending more time outside of the house?
Well, men like to be places where they are wanted and desired so think about the last time you made him feel that way. If it’s been a while, you may want to do something about it.
5. Other Women Will Pick Up on the Vulnerability
I already know this is the one that is going to make people uncomfortable because they think it’s so selfish, but, as a woman, think about the times that men have been hurt and confided in you for comfort.
Your man is no different. Many times when he is feeling rejected or not affirmed at home, he will go out of his way to get that affirmation elsewhere.
He might not even sleep with the woman, but just the fact that she finds him desirable will be intriguing and desirable for him. Oh, and there are many women picking up on the void: the ones at work, the ones in the gym, or sometimes even your “friends,” so don’t give them any holes to fill.
Note for men: This isn’t an excuse to go and step out on your woman, because there are many other solutions to prevent things from getting to this level.
6. Open Your Mouth
The same time you spend telling your girlfriends about the reasons you don’t desire sex with your man is the same time you need to spend letting him in on the secret.
I know you may think you’re doing him a favor by not telling him if it’s something potentially hurtful (like you aren’t satisfied sexually) but trust me you’re doing more damage by just avoiding and rejecting him.
Now with that said, how you communicate is important as well, but that’s an entirely different blog post in itself. Just know that yelling and telling him how terrible he is in bed probably won’t get the desired result.
Ladies, I know these have been a hard pill for you to swallow, but these are the things your girlfriends can’t tell you and sometimes your man is too prideful to communicate to you.
Learn some ways on how to tell if your sex life is successful with this video from the OWN:
You can get mad and tell me how biased and misogynistic the article is and blah, blah, blah, or you can actually kill the ego and try to hear what I am saying about why men like sex. Listening might be the very thing to help save your relationship and sex life. Oh and I haven’t forgotten about the fellas, stay tuned… I’ve got some things for them to consider as well!
Did I miss anything on the list of why men like sex, BMWK Fam? Feel free to add to the list and tell me your thoughts in the comments section below!
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in October 2015. It has been updated for accuracy and relevancy.