Not that our marriage should influence others as much as they actually do, but this idea is something to keep in mind. There are singles who have an honest desire to be married. It is quite natural to want to share your life with that special someone. In our lives, I am sure we have relatives and friends that are going to apply some of what they learn from us to their marriage. So whether it’s how to communicate, having a great friendship or supporting our spouses, there will be a learning moment for those who are watching carefully. I know it’s a lot of pressure to have your partnership on display, but why not use this type of influence in a positive way?
The way our marriage shows up to others is usually displayed in a variety of ways.
Our Marriage Language: What we share and how we discuss our spouse is example number one. Being the person who regularly praises your spouse not only shows your support and makes your spouse feel great, it helps others to easily see the value and respect you have for your partner and the union. The lesson learned: Healthy marriages require respect.
Our Marriage Growth: This is especially important for those who knew us before our marriage. Showing a level of maturity that comes with a committed relationship is example number two. Just considering our spouses shows growth. Checking in with our spouse and getting the okay from your spouse on certain things shows that you honor your spouse’s opinion and feelings. As a single person we aren’t typically checking in; we tend to come and go as we please. But in marriage we must take our spouse into account in all that we do. The lesson learned: Healthy marriages require consideration.
Our Marriage Behavior: If we do the same things we did when were single, we have a huge problem. So things like flirting, clubbing (without your spouse) and staying out all night must stop once we say “I do.” Our lives should always change for the better once we get married is example number three. The lesson learned: Healthy marriages require positive change.
Our Marriage Actions: If we get to eye-rolling, face-twisting, arms-folding every time our spouse or marriage are mentioned, stop the press! What message do we think is being sent? Even if we happen to feel that way, we must make sure that we are contributing positively to our marriage. The marriage needing active participation on both parts is example number four. Our spouses could be reacting the exact same way at the thought of us. The lesson learned: healthy marriages require involvement from both partners.
Watching other’s actions in marriage can easily become one’s expectation. While I never intend to paint the picture that marriage is wonderful and happy at all times, I do plan to demonstrate that it can be beautiful and worth the journey, if that’s what we choose to make it.
It’s great that more of our relationships are in the spotlight than ever before, now we just have to ensure that those marriages exhibit health, growth and all that is really possible in a great union.
BMWK, does your marriage inspire singles?
I totally hope we are inspiring others to get married. I genuinely love being married and I hope that it is coming across to others around. I have heard that married people can be the worst advertisers for marriage because we are doing the things that you mention in the post above.
Ronnie, I think you guys are good. 🙂 You two definitely inspire us!
Great article Tia and excellent food for thought
Thanks Lamar.
Love the article, Tiya! You are absolutely right. Married people have a huge influence on the perceptions of marriage of singles. A single person who constantly sees hostile marriages will probably struggle with making a long term commitment, especially if there are not positive marriages that they are witnessing to counteract the negative. I recently released a novel, Wife 101, that addresses this issue, but from a positive standpoint. What happens when you have a positive married person supporting your desire (through helpful behavior and mentoring) to be better prepared for marriage? Thanks for tackling this issue!
Thank you! Where can I find your novel?
Sooooooooo late on seeing your reply (LOL). Wife 101 and its sequel, Husband 101 is on Amazon, B&N, etc. Thanks for asking.
Please keep putting out these articles that can help “us” get on the right path to healthier relationships. We need more people who aren’t afraid to set the record straight!
I think my marriage inspires and make marriage look cool! lol Today you have so many things that make marriage look bad, such as publicized divorces. You also got the media that tends to sex things up which leaves the impression of why bother when I can just conquer the world. There is hardly any display of positive marriages out here. That is why it is so important for my husband and I to sat the example for our family and church members. Because if marriage looks bad, who would want to be apart of it. We have also started a couples ministry at our church to enhance and uplift marriages. It offers something positive to the couples and also allow them to be around like minded individuals.
Congrats FirstladyShonda on the launch of the marriage ministry. We will have to swap ideas, I am now leading my church’s marriage ministry. I have an event coming up in January. A New Year Marriage Celebration, where we can come together and pray over the marriages and set goals for the new year.
That sounds like a great idea! The last one we did was called Jazz’n it Up. We had a live saxophone player and keyboardist to come in and play for the couples. The couple got a chance to either sing or read a poem to their spouse. We had candles lit on the tables with rose pedals. The lights dim and light food. It turned out very nice. This would also be great for Valentine’s weekend.
I think I will put your idea to use this coming year! Thanks.
I sure hope our marriage is inspiring others, and from what I heard, it is! That makes me so happy. Growing up, I heard so many negative things about marriage, and saw some of the negative things that happen to. I’ve made it a mission to not be like these people, and show that marriage can be an amazing partnership.
Great article! Great points. Love the ‘lessons learned’.
Thank you!
I’m a single and I decided a long time ago that I would ignore the bad marriages and watch the good ones. So many married people have come up to me and discouraged me from getting married and that’s a shame. The divorce rates and failing couples around me don’t affect my outlook on marriage. My expectations are rooted in the right things and I know that once I make that commitment, it won’t be because other people influenced me. It will be because I know it works between us and there is no option of fail- the only thing that matters.
Well said Maria. You have the right idea!
“Watching others actions in marriage can easily become ones expectation. While I never intend to paint the picture that marriage is wonderful and happy at all times, I do plan to demonstrate that it can be beautiful and worth the journey, if thats what we choose to make it”.
This is exactly what am talking about. I will plan to make my marriage a happy one. (Although, not yet married, I am determined to build a happy home). Marriage means a lot to me and working hard at it is a bigger deal. One of my prayer is that my future husband will share the same passion I have for marriage and the same view and convictions despite all trials and tribulations this world brings. In the mean time, I will keep working on myself..
Thank you for this.. I am learning loads….
God will continue to inspire you and many more married couples.
Thank you Omolara for your comment!
This is a thought provoking article. I love it. My husband and I try our hardest to make sure we are representing marriages (black marriages especially) well for those around us and those we don’t know too. Well written.
Thank you Christian.