Not that our marriage should influence others as much as they actually do, but this idea is something to keep in mind. There are singles who have an honest desire to be married. It is quite natural to want to share your life with that special someone. In our lives, I am sure we have relatives and friends that are going to apply some of what they learn from us to their marriage. So whether it’s how to communicate, having a great friendship or supporting our spouses, there will be a learning moment for those who are watching carefully. I know it’s a lot of pressure to have your partnership on display, but why not use this type of influence in a positive way?
The way our marriage shows up to others is usually displayed in a variety of ways.
Our Marriage Language: What we share and how we discuss our spouse is example number one. Being the person who regularly praises your spouse not only shows your support and makes your spouse feel great, it helps others to easily see the value and respect you have for your partner and the union. The lesson learned: Healthy marriages require respect.
Our Marriage Growth: This is especially important for those who knew us before our marriage. Showing a level of maturity that comes with a committed relationship is example number two. Just considering our spouses shows growth. Checking in with our spouse and getting the okay from your spouse on certain things shows that you honor your spouse’s opinion and feelings. As a single person we aren’t typically checking in; we tend to come and go as we please. But in marriage we must take our spouse into account in all that we do. The lesson learned: Healthy marriages require consideration.
Our Marriage Behavior: If we do the same things we did when were single, we have a huge problem. So things like flirting, clubbing (without your spouse) and staying out all night must stop once we say “I do.” Our lives should always change for the better once we get married is example number three. The lesson learned: Healthy marriages require positive change.
Our Marriage Actions: If we get to eye-rolling, face-twisting, arms-folding every time our spouse or marriage are mentioned, stop the press! What message do we think is being sent? Even if we happen to feel that way, we must make sure that we are contributing positively to our marriage. The marriage needing active participation on both parts is example number four. Our spouses could be reacting the exact same way at the thought of us. The lesson learned: healthy marriages require involvement from both partners.
Watching other’s actions in marriage can easily become one’s expectation. While I never intend to paint the picture that marriage is wonderful and happy at all times, I do plan to demonstrate that it can be beautiful and worth the journey, if that’s what we choose to make it.
It’s great that more of our relationships are in the spotlight than ever before, now we just have to ensure that those marriages exhibit health, growth and all that is really possible in a great union.
BMWK, does your marriage inspire singles?