My husband and I both got the text message:

I have 2 tickets to the ACC tournament, and you all can have them if you want.

I didn’t respond. It was 8:30 a.m. and work was calling. Heck, I didn’t even know the ACC Tournament was in town. It’s more than a big deal in North Carolina, so you would’ve thought I would be aware that traffic would be hectic around the coliseum and men, including mine, would be glued to the television for the next week or so (or however long the tournament is.). All I knew was I was exhausted and looking forward to our Thursday date night. For more than 5 years, we’ve been blessed to have grandparents keep our daughter overnight so we can have couple time. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?

Beep. . . beep… here comes the text message: TICKETS TO THE ACC BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT.

Now, I am all for changing the routine and even hanging with my hubby at sporting events. We’ve been in the nosebleed seats at an NBA game. We’ve attended the NCAA Women’s Basketball Tournament. I’ve even indulged him by sitting through a 3-hour baseball game. I’m not a dumb wife; I’ll do what my man asks of me. And he does the same for me, including waiting at the department store dressing room while I try on countless dresses. This particular day, however, I did not want to go to the game, fight traffic, squeeze through crowds, or try to stay awake for four hours through two games. No matter how much I love being with my man, my mind and body were not having it. My husband, on the other hand, was beyond excited.

So what do you think I did?

a. Led him on like I really wanted to go to the game.
b. Told him I was tired and there was no way I could go.
c. Asked him who he wanted to go to the game with — me or a guy friend.
d. Acted like I didn’t receive the text message, hoping he would forget.

Before I give my answer, what would you have done?

Let’s remember that each relationship is different. You know your man, as do I know mine. And because I know him, I knew his first choice was to go with me; we love being together. I also knew that he would never act like he was choosing his friend over his wife.  What my husband needed from me in that moment was permission to take a guy friend and what I needed from him was permission to go home and crash. It pleases me to say we both got what we needed.

Here is how I handled it.

Say babe, Why don’t you call ________(insert name of guy friend)? I’m really tired. Exhausted, and just don’t see how I can make it sitting through two basketball games back to back. I’m sorry. Why don’t you call. . . I know you will have a good time.

Before I could finish my explanation, my beloved hubby had the phone in his hand. I ain’t mad at him for that.  How could I be?

Just 20 minutes into my “me time” and into his game time I hear, beep…beep. It’s another unexpected text message, this time a picture from inside the basketball arena.

Awww…(can’t you see me blushing?) he was having a good time with a guy friend, but he couldn’t forget his best friend. I experienced more joy  that evening looking at his text than I would have at the game.

When you get to the place in your marriage where you have pure joy because your spouse is happy, that’s when you know the two of you have truly become one.

BMWK — What gives you joy in your marriage?