Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.
There’s a line in Destiny’s Child’s “Cater 2 U” that always stuck in my head in which Kelly coos: “I’ll keep it tight/I’ll keep my figure right/I’ll keep my hair fixed/Keep rocking the tightest outfits”....” Some women were all up in arms about this, saying their man should love them no matter what. Which is true.
But.
Honestly, men are visual people. They like what looks good. (As do women.) While your man should most definitely still love you if you gain a couple pounds, is there a reason why you wouldn’t stop looking your best?
I realized the other day that I hadn’t painted my toenails since my son was born. He turned six months old last week. I hadn’t purchased any sexy stilettos in more than a year. (To be fair, it is a little difficult running after two kids in four-inch heels. I tried it once and almost broke my ankle. Been in flats ever since.)
I can’t remember the last time I went into Victoria’s Secret and bought something other than body lotion. There ain’t nothing in my lingerie drawer that my husband hasn’t seen a million times. More often than not, on the weekends you’ll find me in jeans and a V-neck sweater.
Having kids definitely played a major part in it. My “sexy” clothes don’t fit the same way they used to and my shopping budget had been slashed to make room for more important purchases like, um, the house we just bought.
I pledged that 2009 would be the year I get my sexy back. I think for someone who had two kids in almost two years, I’m doing alright. But I’d like to be better. Not just for my husband’s sake, but MY sake. I liked going shopping for cute clothes. I liked wearing heels out on a date. I liked wearing a super-tiny metallic purse that didn’t fit anything other than my wallet and cell phone.
I may not be able to wear my pumps on a daily basis anymore, but it doesn’t mean I still can’t look fly. I want to look GOOD not just look “good for someone who’s had two kids.”
I do believe in keeping yourself together after you hook up with someone. Just because y’all got serious, doesn’t mean you can get all casual.
BMWK, how much is acceptable after hooking up with someone? Does it matter if you had a couple of kids? Let me know what you think!
Jonesi says
Thanks Tara for the reminder that it is important to put forth the effort to look our best. And while some may not agree, it is very much for your partner’s sake as well. I have gained a tremendous amount of weight since I’ve met my fiance…which is why I am beginning boxing training next week! 🙂 Besides…I have a wedding to get in shaper for…
Anna says
Jonesi, you are so right. As much as we don’t want to admit it being fit is not just for us but for our mates. I don’t mind the weight gain that I have since being married. I am tall and can get away with it. I just want to tone my body. My hubby works out 3 x per week. We both gained weight while married and his was just distributed differently than mine. He is shorter than me so his was more noticeable. He works out to benefit him I know it also benefits me because he gets a smile on his face when I compliment him and he knows that after 12 yrs. together I am still looking at him and appreciate what I see.
Harriet says
the hard thing for me was timing. before i got pregnant, i could spend hours in the gym! i don’t have time for all that now. i had to learn how to maximize my workout in a 45 minute period of time. it takes some creativity, but i’ve found it pretty effective. i’m glad i can squeeze the time to work out three times weekly.
also, housework can prove to be a great aerobic and weight workout! next time you do that laundry, lift the basket up and down while carrying it to the washer. also, when getting the wet clothes out of the washer, lift the basket 10x before transferring to the dryer.
sweep the carpet first before vacuuming…get your sweat on!
before i go to bed, i do 15-30 push ups (the military ones, but if you can’t handle that, do them on your knees) and 100 crunches forward, 100 to the right, and 100 to the left.that’s just enough to tighten the abs wihtout breaking a sweat.
i think when we keep up such busy schedules, it’s important to find the time to workout. i work at a desk job, and periodically throughout the day, i stand up with a chair behind me and squat until my bootie touches the chair and then stand back up. i repeat 10-15 times and try to do it at least three times a day.
then, while seated, i put my hands behind my ears with my arms parallel to the ground and then bend my torso to the right until my elbow touches the armrest and then go the opposite direction. great for the love handles (aka obliques).
if you watch tv, do it in front leaning rest…meaning get in the push up position, but instead of having your hands hold you up, get down on your elbows. stay in that position through every commeercial break. it works your entire core (from your chest down to the bottom of your thighs and everything in between).
if you don’t want to do any of that, or you want to be a little more discreet with your stuff, just take a deep breath, tighten your abs and hold them tight for 10-15 seconds. breathe out and then repeat 10-15 times.
i could go on and on. it can be a lot of fun if you’re creative with it.
Anna says
Harriet it is Valentines Day and you have validated to me that you are my ‘girl crush’. It’s ok, I am not a stalker. LOL. I appreciate your words and wisdom. I have a 19 yr. old daughter that to me I know has an old soul. I love reading your comments as I love to hear what my child has to say. I can be sitting at my computer and my 19 year old has friends over and they migrate feets away from me and “church happens”. If you have read any of me previous comments you will know that my child is not one to bring home lost or hurt animials. She brings home other kids.
Harriet says
“old soul”
if i had a nickel for every time someone said that about me in my life. only now, my age is catching up with my soul. LOL
but never has anyone called me their ‘girl crush.’ thanks for not graduating that to stalking, anna. i appreciate that. LOL i love reading your comments as well…you remind me of the wisdom i seek to surround myself with daily.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
@Jonsei – I had my daughter in November 06 and had six months to fit into my wedding dress. Whew! Talk about pressure! But I lost the baby weight, got married, and then got pregnant again six months later. LOL. I just can’t win!
@Harriet – I realized I watched too much TV, so I had to start watching the Exercise on Demand channel! Works for me…
@Anna – Yes, men like to look good for us too and it helps when we pay them compliments. There’s nothing like a good ego stroke.
Becky says
This post is EXACTLY how I feel- thank you!
Beckys last blog post..Oops- I Just Thought About Myself Too Much…