I state the following only because at times I have been guilty of it myself: There is a game of love, but marriage is not a game. Marriage is not for the faint of heart nor for children. You are in this together for the sake of each other to make two better together than apart; To enjoy life and make it rich in ways money can’t provide. It isn’t a competition. It isn’t about being right and your significant other being wrong. It isn’t about you speaking or thinking so highly of yourself that you come to believe you have arrived at your current destination and are doing everything you are doing, by yourself, purely out of your own miraculous, solitary strength and tenacity. When you know good and well on the days you don’t even want to get out of bed, he or she is there making things work as best they can while you get it together.

So, if you are somewhere outside of your home constantly complaining about your spouse to people who play no role in your life other than to sit a few desks or cubicles over from you; and if you are doing nothing to fix your “problems” (by nothing, I mean expecting it all to work out the way things do effortlessly in fairy tales and romantic comedies — and then getting mad or disillusioned when it doesn’t) other than complain to these same people who agree with you because they have no other choice but to since they are only hearing your side of the story — understand that as a married person you sound and look stupid, you are an embarrassment to your spouse and to what marriage should and ought to be and you are a walking, talking advertisement for single people to remain single. Stop saying and thinking, you can’t be bothered. You officially signed up to be bothered when you said, “I do.”

Marriage is not child’s play and it takes two. There will be happy and rough to unbearable moments. But there should be no stone left un-turned when it comes to seeking out and walking the path to success together. In order to do this you have to be strong enough in heart and secure enough in self  to realize your marriage is not only about you. This is a demand that requires the participation of grown folks. So, if this applies to you, stop playing the games that undermine your spouse and ultimately, will destroy your marriage. Instead be excited to be married. There’s no reason not to. Be excited to wake up next to your spouse. Be excited to go on vacation with them. Look forward to dinners with the person that is yours. Excitement comes from within (and this is the case in fairy tales, too). Change your perspective and change your marriage…for the better.

BMWK – what do you say to a co-worker that may be complaining about their marriage? Do you ever ask them what they are doing to try to repair things?