Fortunately, through sites like BMWK and numerous other family and relationship blogs that promote our love, we’ve discovered there are an abundance of marriages in our communities. It is our hope, however, that each and every one will go the distance. Make it beyond the newlywed phase; pass those occasionally challenging middle years on to future years of bliss. In this way, marriage is somewhat reminiscent of the transition from childhood to adulthood. Let’s compare:

The Toddler Years: How much fun is it here? If we could, a couple could easily lodge here forever. Everything is new, exciting and carefree. Exploring, learning and discovering are all a huge part of this phase. During this time the focus is on the experience because no real worries have set in as of yet. Ahh, to be a newlywed again! With a beautiful wedding still fresh in our mind, the goal is about enjoying everything around us. The beginning is exciting because the experience is fresh and we’re quite hopeful of our future together. We are usually more optimistic and looking forward to what our new lives will bring. Spouses are completely attracted to one another and eager to leave the old and enter into the new. Of course it’s a little scary too but also super thrilling.

The Childhood Years: Okay, so at this point reality starts to take effect. Not that there is a lack of reality in the toddler years; we were just more willing to give our spouses a pass. But here, there are greater expectations and consequences. We now know all the right things to do. The relationship is starting to fall into place and it isn’t as much fun or as easy as those toddler years. Our lives now are a little more serious and boredom begins to kick in. At this point in marriage, there is just routine. More than likely, at this point, the family has also been started. Our lives have been established together and we are simply wondering what’s next.

The Teenage Years: Uh oh, watch out because here comes the rebellion. We start to “smell ourselves here” and refuse to be kept in this box. We need something exciting to happen and the pressure is apparent. We just might want to scream with everything going on around us. We are changing and trying to uncover who we are meant to be in this marriage. There may be the desire for a little taste of freedom as we discover who we are as a spouse. We badly want to fast forward through this portion because it feels a little awkward. The test and trials take their toll on us. Feelings of uncertainty and wonder of whether or not we’ve lost ourselves here are quite frequent.

The Adult Years: We accept responsibility. The teen phase is over and we may still have to deal with a few of its aftereffects. However, we have finally arrived at the place we had been looking forward to for so long. Surprise! It’s not quite what we expect. There are certain expectations of us that weren’t present in the beginning. But the great part of this phase is the joy in knowing we were able to overcome a few struggles in order to end up here.

The Golden Years: The Promised Land. Where we realize all those other phases were worth the journey, just to make it to this moment. The fruits of our labor have finally paid off. We’ve overcome many of marriage’s challenges and if we are still here, normally the worst is over. Being in a position to reminisce on past mistakes and witness the growth in one another and the growth as a couple is a gift. For that very reason, this phase is meant to be enjoyed.

As we navigate through the various phases of marriage we must keep the end result foremost in our mind. As a couple we have total control over our marriage experience. If the ultimate goal, during those toddler years, is to not only make it but enjoy those golden years, we have to be willing to sacrifice and commit to the complete journey.

What stage is your marriage in right now? What are you doing to make sure it’s the best it can be?