I ran across a very interesting and enlightening Twitter conversation that happened 2 weeks ago, brought on by writer and journalist Bené Viera. Starting as a few tweets about her views about the dating scene in New York City, Bené sparked a great discussion about dating in the black community, including the effects of location, upbringing, status and standards. Ms. Viera also blogged about The Dating Conundrum and was nice enough to curate the conversation for those of us who missed out on the blog.
“If I were dating in this city I wouldn’t take any dude seriously,” I proclaimed. “I’d be a chronic dater.”
“Why?”
“I mean, do you know any men under the age of 35 in NYC that are seriously trying to be in a committed relationship?”
“Good point.”
“Women in NY are so aggressive. They’re like vultures. You can’t even talk to a man at an event or bar without 10 other women staring you down, waiting for you to walk away so they can holler at him. Men know this and act accordingly.”
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/WrittenbyBene/status/194142013795479552″]
[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/WrittenbyBene/status/194142113452146688″]
Read the rest of the blog and Twitter conversation here.
After reading, we want to know your thoughts and your experiences. Is there someone to blame? Is it just New York? Are men from the Midwest a different breed? Do black men and women want to marry each other? So many questions and so many perspectives!
OMG I just had this same convo with a male friend of mine (he is married). He feels I need to be more aggressive because “times have changed”. I am a southern belle I am not chasing a man. I will show interest, shoot I will even pay for a date here and there later on down the road but I want to be courted and pursued. A man knows when he is interested or not and he will go after just that. The women in the A are aggressive too but it still hasn’t gotten them a ring just more dates and sex partners.
No comment,
I bet a large sum of money that your friend’s wife did NOT pursue your friend aggressively, but rather, HE decided she was worth getting to know better and decided to go after HER. I find that a lot of men (and women too) often give advice counter to what they actually did or would respect a woman for… like the time a man said I needed to go to a bar and find a man, yet he met his wife of eight years IN CHURCH!
And you’re right, if women being aggressive resulted in marriage, our marriage rates would be way higher than they are now. New York has one of the highest rates of single men and women in the country and people there tend to marry later than usual (this was shown in a statistical study I saw). So, I think the men there are less likely to pursue women until they reach the point where they feel they’re getting old and then want to settle down.
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