Saturday night on the most recent episode of “Iyanla: Fix My Life,” Iyanla Vanzant attempted to repair the catastrophic relationship between reality star Sheree Whitfield and her ex-husband Bob Whitfield. Her efforts, can we say, ran into serious roadblocks.
While opinions of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Sheree Whitfield vary – from phony, materialistic gold digger to betrayed wife who just wants the best for her kids – I couldn’t help but feel a sense of shock when Iyanla brought up the subject of Sheree’s unfinished mansion. When pressed by Iyanla for the need for such a lavish home, Ms. Whitfield claimed the uncompleted mansion was, “something that I did for my kids. For my family.”
Really? The whole statement is ironic in part because the mansion, dubbed “Chateau Sheree”, is named after Sheree and not her kids.
But before judging Sheree and chalking this up to yet another example of her overinflated ego, let’s ask ourselves, how many of us have fallen into the same trap?
How many of us claim that the pursuit of the perfect neighborhood, large house, or new cars is for our kids, when in part, it serves to heal the wounds inflicted from our missing out on certain things as we grew up?
Others of us may truly want the best for our kids, but spend so much time at work trying to achieve it that we rob them of the time, love and attention that they truly desire.
I’m reminded of a close friend who, as the daughter of a prominent professional, had everything financially that she ever wanted, but she lamented that because her father worked so much, she missed out on the thing she desired the most, his time.
And it’s not just quality time with our kids that’s sometimes sacrificed in the effort to bring them a more comfortable lifestyle. Sometimes the money we spend on larger homes and new cars could be better used to enhance our children’s lives.
One of my successful Indian-American friends drives an older model Toyota Corolla and instead of living in a large estate, lives with his family in a condominium. The reason? He would rather spend money on his kid’s experiences than pay for a bloated mortgage or car payment.
To him, the priority is having the time to spend with his children, contributing to his kids’ college funds, being able to take family trips, and having the ability to enroll his children in expensive summer science camps and other educational opportunities.
We walk a fine line when it comes to “giving our kids the finer things in life.” Sure we’d like to provide them with a huge home, big yard and other amenities, but sometimes we have to ask at what costs? In some cases a smaller home or even an apartment is an upgrade if it means we have more time to spend with our kids or more money to spend on family trips and special educational opportunities.
And perhaps this is the most important lesson Ms. Sheree Whitfield needs to realize. The “finer things in life” may not necessarily include a chateau, but lots of love, time and attention.
Check out this clip below, where Iyanla and Sheree discuss her unfinished mansion and what it represents:
Anna Mae says
I think that the mansion was more for her, than for her kids. Although I’m sure they would love to live in such a lavish place, I don’t think that’s a high priority for children. For me, when I say I want to give my kids “the finer things in life,” I mean I would like for them to live in a nice neighborhood, in a nice house and go to a “good” school. Now when I say “nice” I’m not referring to living in a million dollar estate. Nice is relative and isn’t necessarily determined by the price of your home. Nice for me is what I have now, a 2,300 sq ft home, with a fenced in back yard and a large front yard. By no means is it the “best” or most expensive house in our neighborhood, but it serves it’s purpose. I have three kids and we have 4 bedrooms so everyone can have their own space. I deem the neighborhood nice because there’s no crime and it’s a diverse neighborhood. My kids don’t go to private schools, but the school district has been recognized for being great.
I like for my kids to have everything they need and some of what they want. I don’t purchase them expensive name brand clothes (unless I get a really good deal, or my mom buys them :-)), but they always leave the house looking presentable. I don’t drive a fancy care b/c the vehicle I have is paid off and I’m going to drive it until it won’t go anymore. The air and radio are broke, but…it’s gets me to work so.. *shrugs*
I try not to put a huge focus on material things and I have money talks with my 3, 6 & 8 year olds. We often go thrifting at GoodWill…not because we “can’t afford” to shop elsewhere, but because I like for them to see how far their money can go there versus Target or Walmart.
At the end of the day children want their parents’ time. That’s more valuable to them than any material possession. Home-cooked meals, family gatherings, birthday parties, quality time….those are the finer things to me. And the finer things in life don’t cost a lot of money 🙂
Niambi says
Awesome testimony!
Ronnie Tyler says
thank you for your comment Anna Mae…..you definitely are giving your kids the finer things in life…a loving home and a mom that is present!!
Anna Mae says
Thanks guys! Growing up, my mother always provided a nice environment for us to live in and that’s what I want to give my kids! We don’t NEED a 5,000 Sf house, even if I could afford it. But what they see is a mother that is educated (they often say they are going to attend the colleges I attended), a mother that works hard ( At 30, I just used my VA loan and purchased us a house) and one that is present (I make as many, if not all important school events). Those are the types of things that money can’t buy. I maintain my credit and finances well so that when they are older, I can help them out financially just like my mother helped me 🙂
Delphine says
Anna Mae you are blessed and your children are blessed to have you as their mother.
Anna Mae says
Thanks Delphine!! I just do the very best I can 🙂
Anna Marie says
There is always something so off center about Sheree, I couldn’t even feel for her as she attempted to cry about being alone, it just seemed like she was holding some truth back. I feel she could have really gotten a break though had she actually put her pride aside and opened up about what is really going on. I’m so sorry she is still trapped in that pit of deep despair that traps so many in the “keeping up with the Joneses”. I’ve been there and done that, was even at one time a football wife. Once i let go of my pride I was able to be honest and say, I never married for love but for a piece of the fortune and fame my ex husband could offer, over time, after having our children, my feelings turned to love but by then it was to late and when I stopped fitting into his vision of happiness, I felt tossed away like a nobody and all that she is feeling, saying doing is a way to cover up the hurt and pain of experiencing that type of rejection. I can’t even watch any of those reality shows , those women are so full of hurt and confusion and all I see is pain and it’s not entertaining nor funny to me in any way shape or form. I thank and praise God I am now a truly free women in Him, I now am happy, and have a peaceful life with my beautiful babies. I will be praying Sheree finds the same one day sooner than later. She is deserving of it , all individuals are.
stephanieb says
Wow Anna Marie, powerful testimony. I so agree with you and I wish that you could talk to Sheree and some of the others on these Housewives shows because they are TRULY pitiful. And the sad thing about it is instead of helping one another and lifting each other up, they continue to bring one another down, which only makes matters worse.
Anonymous says
Anna Maria great words of wisdom!!!
Carletta Lundy says
I like when Iyanla says, there are some things that she, “see’s sense and feels” about Sheree. How many people are raising their hands on that statement. How many of us have been there and done that, the “I” pretend! You know if throwing stones will get Sheree’s attention then we need to throw rocks because she is still so very angry and bitter; until she forgives herself and Bob, she will not ever be able to truly experience the unconditional love which she so deparately desires. This was so hard to watch! One reason why it was hard to watch for me is because I’ve been there and it was hard to watch Sheree be in denial, I just wanted to reach through my computer and embrace her because until she can own it, I mean really own all of it, there is no realing healing of mind, body and soul!
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