If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard people say college isn’t a suitable environment to maintain a relationship, I would probably be able to pay off my student loans. I used to think the same thing prior to meeting my boyfriend. Eventually, I found out it is indeed possible to maintain a steady monogamous relationship on a college campus.
I have learned a lot from being in my relationship for over two years and I want to share some tips for other readers that are trying to build something stable amongst the chaos that is college:
Be clear
One problem I’ve noticed among dating college students is a lack of clarity. It is imperative that potential couples define the terms of their relationship. I have seen so many potential partnerships destroyed because the people involved are not on the same page. For example, Girl A might think Boy B is her boyfriend and posts subliminal statuses about how much she loves “him.” Meanwhile, Boy B is thinking they’re just “talking” and is also talking to Girl B, C and D. As a result, Girl A and Boy B are at odds because of a misunderstanding.
Ladies and gentlemen, whether you’re looking for something serious or weighing your options, let the other person know your intentions. My boyfriend and I had that discussion a couple of months after we started dating. I insisted on having that discussion because I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.
One size doesn’t fit all
Do not compare your relationship to anyone else’s relationship. My boyfriend and I have gotten compliments on how we’re such a “cute couple” and how we never fight. We’re in a great place right now but like many other couples, we went through a rough patch and during that time, we were still getting those compliments. Appearances are deceiving. Just focus on maintaining the health of your relationship. What may work perfectly for the couple snuggling in the library could be a disaster for you and your mate.
Be careful
There is a lot of temptation in college. Parties and drinks are abundant and so are single classmates. There are people that have no regard for college relationships and don’t mind contributing to a break-up. Some people actually revel in causing drama. You have to know who is or isn’t a friend to your relationship. Guys, some dudes may see your girlfriend as a ball and chain and do whatever they can to help you get your so-called freedom back. Ladies, that single girlfriend saying “dump him!” after you vent about a minor spat might have other motives. Make sure your inner circle is supportive.
Did you find it easy or difficult to have a serious relationship while in college? For the married folks, did you meet your spouse in college?
Aprildishon says
I noticed that alot of marriages that started out from college relationships are very stable. At least the ones of my friends. It helps when you keep in touch with those couples because it encourages them to stay committed knowing they are not the only ones, hanging in there and fighting through the early years. I met my husband in college and married three months after I graduated. WE respected our monogamy so others had to.
Niambi says
Great post! Both persons have to come to an agreement and define what the terms of their relationship is. I would also suggest that you don’t compromise on your morals and standards when dating someone just to be with them. If you don’t smoke, drink or choose to not be sexually active until marriage then don’t change this for the other person. Only change yourself if you want to make yourself better as a person but not because someone else wants you to and especially not if it would cause you to go against your morals and what you know in your heart is right. You have to remain true to yourself at all times.
Shamontiel says
I dated a couple of people in college, but it went nowhere. There was too much, “I think he had sex with [INSERT NAME].” And one person was a buddy of mine who didn’t tell me. I realized very quickly that too many people were recycling each other. It was too much like “90210.” I realized if I wanted to date someone, it had to be a local or someone who was a commuter and not always in the loop of every college party. My best relationship? Long distance, way the hell away from my university (both of them).
Ru1999 says
Met my husband 1st day, was together after 2 months, with definitely ups and downs of being 17 and 18… Besides a few months apart (which was an invaluable lesson), we’ve been together 12 yearswith two children and good careers
Markeya Thomas says
For me, it was difficult to have a serious relationship in college. However, I do not believe that it is impossible, it just did not work for me. I spent my early years of college in a relationship, and my grades suffered. A lot of my early issues were due to trying to “make it work,” when I needed to let it go. If two people are sure of what they want and having a successful relationship, it will work. Everyone is different, and relationships are not “one size fit all.”
Nice post Ashleigh, I’m happy to see my peers frequent the same blogs as I do.
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The Pro Marriage Counselor says
I’m a couples-counselor and relationship expert. I was recently shocked to learn that many college couples are taking their relationships very seriously.
For example, an increasing number of college students are actually getting married while attending college. 7% of all college undergraduate students are married.
Almost 40% of all female college students are married or have children. The numbers are much greater for students over 25 and these stats will only continue to grow as the sheer number of mature students continues to swell in our troubled economy.
The question here becomes: is it possible to build and maintain an emotionally healthy long term relationship while attending college or university together? Are there proven tips and advice for enhancing and preserving romantic college relationships or are they always destined to fall apart due to things like peer pressure and competing interests and responsibilities ?
What I’ve learned is that couples in college relationships have to do exactly the same things that couples in non-college relationships have to do, in order to maintain a long term and emotionally healthy relationship.
For example, effective couple-communication is essential for college couples. But what’s even more critical is the ability to prevent dangerous emotional and sexual cheating through setting up effective relationship boundaries.
Thought provoking read – Thank you!
The Pro Marriage Counselor @Pro_Marriage
https://hubpages.com/t/2f93fc