Although we’re happy to report that teen pregnancy has decreased over the past few years, surveys and statistics show that more unwed couples who are cohabiting are having children. CNN.com reports, “between 2006 and 2010, cohabitating couples accounted for 22% of first births, up from 12% in 2002. Of all pre-marital births, nearly half were to cohabitating couples.”
The survey also goes into detail about the average age of first time parents, as well as which cultures are more likely to have children and who is more likely to wait to start their family. I personally have seen a lot of my former classmates bring children into the world and move in together before exchanging vows. These statistics go hand in hand with the decreasing number of couples seeking marriage. Reasons vary for each couple, but we think it’s very interesting.
Read more about the state of babies in America on CNN.com.
Have you noticed this trend? Did you have children while you were still cohabitating?
Dejasmom says
In 2002, this is what my partner and I chose to do. We felt that it would be best. After 9 years, the relationship ended, but the pain is no less than if we were married. It just appears that it would be easier to walk away and not have to deal with the legal tomfoolery regarding courts and child support. Lucikly, so far so good.
Teena says
I had two children and lived with my husband prior to being married. I realized that hw would not marry me if he could everything a marriage offers without the commitment. I told him we could no longer live this way until or if we are married. We have been married for 17 years and now have six children. I didnt feel right just living together and having children without being married. I wanted to be an example to my daughters and my sons.
Bibi Bissette says
Think a lot of folk who decide to co-habitate without the benefit of marriage believe marriage is a business arrangement rather than a spiritual covenant. Easier lifestyle never makes ANYTHING better. In some states, even partners can wind up paying spousal support if the Court deems it necessary to preserve one’s standard of living (or recognizes common-law marriages).
Tonya C. says
Very true. Not marrying to even avoid the ‘business arrangement’ can blow up in your face, too. Because it is harder to fight for your rights and those of your children should you partner become uncooperative or unwilling to continue support for any reason. To me it makes no sense. You will be forever bound by a child, but don’t want to make it official. Is a child not ‘official’?
I brought a child into my marriage (he was a baby when we met). I knew after that first one I would NEVER have another kid out-of-wedlock. Marriage is not perfect, but there was an emotional and financial security that I wasn’t in this alone.
Anonymous says
Very true! 20yrs ago my husband and I co-habitated for all the wrong reasons and if I had let God control my life it would’nt of never happen. I personally don’t agree with it because co-habitating is just an excuse to fornicate and God is against such actions. Most feels that co-habiting is the right way to figure out if they’re compatable and all the sex they can handle and yes you are right that most feel that “marriage” is a business arrangement rather than a spiritual covenant and a easier lifestyle never makes “anything” better. This is what happens when you have the wrong mindset and is misguided about what God plans are for “marriage”.
truth says
Lets keep it real . Marriage is a business arrangement. You sign a contract in order to marry. It is bound by laws of the land (govt.). If you wish to dissolve it, you must go to court and get a divorce (which you must sign another contract to do). You cant have rights (such as rights to your spouses proerty finances health etc) without it. These are all things that happen in a business (among other things not mentioned). In summary, although marriage could possibly be spritual…it is certainly and most definitely a business arrangement.
Pat K. says
I cannot say enough that marriage is IMPORTANT! When kids get to their teen aged years, the knowledge that mom and dad are married is worth more than gold. Our daughter has grown up observing me wearing my wedding rings, and watching her dad and I together on a daily basis, handling the good times and the bad together. She knows that no man touches me, except her father (my husband). She has seen firsthand, that I did not sacrifice my worth and value to be with someone who would not make a lifetime commitment to me. I am her female role model for what is proper, and what is not.
She’s 15 now, and pretty as a picture. I praise God that she’s also smart as a whip, because when the young fellas come with their weak game offering temporary pleasure for a lifetime of pain, she doesn’t give them the time of day. She’s seen the wisdom and blessing in legal marriage, and even at her tender age she’s waiting until she’s mature enough to attract a man who understands that marriage is important. More of our young ladies (and older ones, too) would have this as a testimony if their moms and dads got (and stayed) married.
Beth says
AMEN! Kudos to you Pat K.
Gwendolyn Martin says
Ms. Pat I agree with you totally and that it so beautiful. My 2nd husband helped me raise my 2 children from a previous marriage and they had never seen anything other than what they should see. We exposed them to what God wanted them to see in a marriage between a man/woman. In my opinion co-habitating is just an excuse to fornicate. Before we got married we did co-habitated for all the wrong reasons but if I had let God control my life then it would’nt of never happened. As we gotten wiser we are so against co-habitating and stresses this to our children even though they are doing what they want regardless but that’s between them and God. Either way we are pleased with our accomplishments regardless of our children decisions.
PBird says
That’s what my s/o and I decided to do. We know our relationship is heading towards marriage, and we are preparing for that. However due to our age, we wanted another child, and decided to conceive before marriage. Our child is 1 now, and we will be getting married within the next year.
PurpleJeli says
I made this mistake 10 years ago and ended up with the kid and WITHOUT the man! We had the house, cars and good jobs but thought a kid would make us stronger and eventually lead to marriage. NOOOOOOT!!! Since then I have learned my lesson and have been lucky enough to find a man that respects my decision to wait until marriage before jumping into everything else. We’ve been dating for the last 7.5 years and with me in the process of purchasing a home, the questions and sideways glances never stop. Is he moving in with me? When will we get married? When will we have a kid? I feel like people are pushing me to do what they want us to do but I also know those same folks will condemn me later. So we stand by our decision to maintain our own (although we help each other regularly) until we exchange vows. Does that mean I should hold off on giving my daughter the dream of growing up in a house and having her own room? Of course not, because she can have that and a great man in her life that loves her no matter where he rests his head every night. But we both agree that co-habitating/playing house before marriage may just put us in the mindset of thinking everything is okay when we both know that “okay” means doing whatever it takes to make and keep the lifelong commitment ordained by God. So we will wait until the time is right to sleep under the same roof every night and until then….. he does trash pick up and operates the grill at two homes and I clean and cook at two homes but my daughter is square in the middle watching us work towards one happy home and loves visiting both places because I will NOT make the same mistake twice!!!
justathought says
If you have been dating for 7.5 years and you STILL don’t know if you want to marry this guy and he hasn’t proposed…am i missing something? Military, long distance, illness, etc?..If after that length of time and you still don’t know if he is your lifemate, then aren’t you wasting a lot of time?
Maria says
In fairytale world that would be the ideal meet a man date for a couple of years then he proposes like prince charming and you get married and live happily ever after. The real world does not work like that at this present time weddings are not cheap nor is living separate and paying 2 different rents whilst your boyfriend spends everyday in your flat but doesn’t contribute 50 50 to your flat because technically he hasnt moved in. In this day and age men want to prolong marriage as long as possible until they start looking ugly you will be old and you will be past your child bearing age by the time he proposes. So a woman has got to do what she needs to do, co habiting is like testing the waters to see if you are compatable living together its a step closer to marriage if you cant handle living with him then you can part. However when children are born both couples need to realise where the relationship is going and take the next level. I say do what you think is right and dont care if people judge you they can stick their nosey behinds somewhere else and focus on their lives
Chelsea says
I agree! My man and I have been together 5 1/2 years, living together for almost 4 years, and have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old son. I really want to wait till I finish school to get married and I feel that will give us enough time to get our acts together and settle down we are only 23 and 25 and life has been tough but I think we have grown to learn to be a better husband and wife to each other when we do get married. I know that it is unGodly -like to live together without being married, but so is lying, stealing, cheating etc. Who are we to judge any one else. I think God wants us to be happy with whatever decision we choose.
Maria says
You are so spot on Chelsea, I currently have a best mate who has been in a relationship for 5 years with a guy, shes 31 now. She will not let her boyfriend move in her flat until he proposes to her, it is just so easy for him to never propose and walk away and harder for her to just let go of him so she waits and waits. Sometimes a girl has to speed things up you cant just sit and wait for a man to decide, our time is precious.