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This is a picture of my oldest child when he was 18 years old and a senior in high school. It’s hard for me to believe that I even have a child that old.
I almost feel like we have grown up together over the years. I’ve watched him grow into the resourceful young man that he is today. Yes…he’s very intelligent, he’s handsome, he has a good heart and is very compassionate. But resourceful is the best way to describe him, because that child (excuse me..man) can make a way out of no way. Whatever he sets his mind on doing, he will do!
And, as he’s grown…I’ve grown too. I am not the same scared 20 year old that had no idea what to do with this baby that I brought home from the hospital. Here are a few parenting lessons that I have learned over the years:
Age 1/Mommy Age 21: Don’t rush any of their milestones. It’s very tempting to say: ” I can’t wait until he is potty trained”….or “I can’t wait until she is walking.” But before you know it, your child will be 18 years old ‘and you will be missing the times when you could sit them on your lap and kiss them all over.
Age 3 /Mommy Age 24: Keep it simple. For the most part kids are just happy to be doing something (anything) and spending time with you, their friends, or their cousins. I’ve spent time planning elaborate parties, and menus and buying gifts…when all he really wanted was a hot dog, some Legos, and friends to play with.
Age 5 /Mommy Age 26: This one might not happen to all of you…but you might have the urge to fight someone else’s kid. I am not saying that you are going to act on this urge (I never have.) But if your sweet baby comes home one day and tells you that ‘Little Johnny’ has been teasing him or hitting him, then the next time you see ‘Little Johnny’ at the bus stop…you are going to wish that you could magically turn yourself into a 5 year old kid for just one moment so that you could tell ‘Little Johnny’ a thing or two. But then, you snap out of it.
Age 7/ Mommy Age 28 – It’s OK to try things, but don’t put your kids into activities that they clearly have no interest in. It’s a waste of your time, their time, and your money. Here’s a clue: if you are fighting with them about getting ready for practice each time, then it means “they’re just not that into it…”
Age 10/ Mommy Age 31: Your child is not the only one growing. Hopefully, you’re going to grow and mature as a parent too. As I age, I am striving to be a better person and mother. Over the years, I have tweaked some of my parenting skills. And, my son will tell you that there are a lot of things that I am doing differently now with his little sisters. (i.e – At this point in my life, I didn’t want to hit ‘Little Johnny’ …instead,…..I might have given him the side eye…lol.. I was a work in progress.)
Age 15/ Mommy Age 36: Don’t Give up on Your Kids. You might come to a point where you want to stop asking about homework or keeping their room clean…but don’t give up..they still need you.
Age 18/ Mommy Age 39: Your kids may take a different path than you want them to take. You know how your GPS gives you at least 3 different routes to the same destination. And of course, you will pick the route that will get you there in the shortest amount of time. Or, since you have some experience in the area, you may pick a different route because you know it is rush hour or there is some construction. Well when it comes to your child’s life, they may pick a different route than you would pick…they may go over mountains, they may stop at a rest stop, or they might take a detour. But rest assured… they’re going to get there.
I often hear people say that they look forward to when their child turns 18 and moves out of their home…as if somehow, their parenting days will be over. But, I quickly came to the realization that this couldn’t be farther from the truth. It’s been 2 years since my son turned 18 and I am still learning lessons as a parent.
Age 20/ Mommy Age (that’s not important…lol): Letting go is hard…but necessary. Let’s face it, he’s a grown man now and lives over 8 hours away from me. I really can’t be worried about whether or not he is eating broccoli or going to class. You have to let go for your sanity and theirs. Recently, his little sisters and I paid him a visit. We were excited to see him, his new apartment, and to meet his girlfriend. Before I left, I scolded him on the condition of his apartment…..when what I really should have been doing was making sure he knows I love him and that I’m proud of him. He’s in school and he’s happy doing what he wants to do. What more could a mom ask for? Pray for me y’all, I’m still a work in progress!!
BMWK – Please leave a comment below and let me know what parenting lessons you’ve learned along the way. Or, leave my son a bit of encouragement. Or, just say Hi…any comment will do….a comment = a vaccine.
During Shot@Life’s Blogust, 31 bloggers, one each day in August, are writing about moments that matter. For every comment on this post and the 30 other posts, Walgreens will donate a vaccine (up to 50,000 vaccines). A child dies every 20 seconds from a vaccine-preventable disease. We can change this reality and help save kids’ lives!
Shot@Life is an initiative of the United Nations Foundation that educates, connects and empowers the championing of vaccines as one of the most cost effective ways to save the lives of children in the world’s hardest to reach places.
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing and caring!
Ronnie Tyler says
thank you!
Nicole Davis says
To God be the glory!! Bless you both, Lamar & Ronnie!!
Ronnie Tyler says
Thanks Nicole!
Kia Morgan Smith says
I can truly relate to this Ronnie! There are so many parenting lessons I’ve learned along the way. Sometimes you gotta let children be who they are and that’s hard when we have dreams of what who we want them to be! That’s the biggest lesson learned!
Ronnie Tyler says
Kia…it is especially hard when you have dreams of what you want them to be….but…I had to realize that I need to be working on my own dreams….so I am trying to be supportive of his dreams and goals..
Michelle says
Parenting never stops. Once a parent , Always a parent
Ronnie Tyler says
so true!
Maria says
Great story. I was also 20 with my first child. I have two ages 23 and 18 now. When we have kids we know we have to teach them and show them the right way so that they can make it out in the world but thru the raising we also learn in the process.
Ronnie Tyler says
thanks for commenting Maria.
Towanda says
I laughed out loud at age 5, because it took me a long time to get to a point where I didn’t want to fight when I took my girls to the park, :-).
Instead I constantly remind them that they are their biggest advocate and it is not only ok, but necessary, for them to stand up for themselves.
Ronnie Tyler says
Thanks Towanda…I was starting think I was the only person that felt that way sometimes 🙂
kenya says
I have four beautiful daughters and it is nice to know that when its time for them to be blessed with a mate there are positive respectful intelligent young men out here who have been raised GREAT!!
Ronnie Tyler says
thank you Kenya!
Howard Burnett says
Dad of two adult children(30’s) and two teens… At times they may not appear to be listening to all of your positive messages/lessons but you will find that they did listen and use them well as responsible adults and young parents in the future. Be careful though… They may listen to and use the negative ones also. Happy Parenting! It’s been a joy for me and it continues everyday.
Ronnie Tyler says
Thanks for commenting and dropping some words of wisdom. Yes, I also have to be careful of not setting a bad example for the kids too.
Phyllis says
I appreciate this! Especially the “age 15- don’t give up on them” piece…going through that now! Teenagers..*sigh
Ronnie Tyler says
One day, an older woman heard me telling a friend that I was tired of fussing and I was ready to give up. She told me “don’t give up..” and left me some encouraging words…it was what i needed to hear.
Rebecca Elliott says
I have a 14-year-old, and so much of this rings true for me! Especially letting them choose their own path. I also love hearing that you are still active in your son’s life, even though he is an adult. Gives me hope!
Mutah says
Great work. God bless our mothers.
Ronnie Tyler says
Thank You!
Jacob says
Great thanks!
Seana Graham says
That was a really moving post about the stages of life you’ve witnessed so far. I just spent last weekend with my twenty year old nephew and his best friend who is black and going to Cal Tech so I am hearing many echoes here.
Ronnie Tyler says
thanks for commenting.
Tomiko White says
This article made me smile as it reminded me of me and my children. Since my daughter will be 17 next month, I’ve learned not to push my dreams on her or my son. I always tell them to be the best them they can be, as long as there’s nothing illegal involved.
Ronnie Tyler says
thanks for commenting
Stephanie Washington says
Parenting & being a mother has been the greatest blessing & most rewarding experience that God has given me. I must admit that it is hard to see the grow but I rejoice in the godly character that my son & daughter are displaying. I thank God for everyday & every moment that I get to be their mother.
Ronnie Tyler says
thanks for commenting Stephanie
Anonymous says
Congratulations on your excellent parenting and writing. It is a privilege to read your words. Just be sure you keep telling your son how proud you are of him and how happy his happiness makes you feel. Most warmly, Rick and family in California
Ronnie Tyler says
Thank you Rick!
Dee Van Horn says
OH, you brought back so many memories. My son, bright as can be, dropped out of college to become a Marine (did I mention a full ride scholarship at the Univ. of Michigan!). I was devastated and he was happy and remains happy to this day with his decision. I now realize it was the right one – he is completing 26 years as a Marine – is doing good things and I could not be prouder of him. So when my grandkids came along (his sister’s children) it has been much easier to listen and let them try to find their way (even when I wish it were a different one). Your son sounds like a terrific young man!
Ronnie Tyler says
Thank you Dee! My son is on his second college now too..but he is still in school and still working towards his degree. He’s doing it his way and I so proud of him!
Joan and family says
Thank you for this heartfelt and moving post. Best wishes to you and your entire family. And please give your son an extra hug from us.
Ronnie Tyler says
Thank you Joan!
Thurston says
Being a little older and now have 1st Grandchild in 2nd yr of college my comments may be a little different. We are all different and what works for one does not have to work for the other. As most of us carry something from our Parents and Grands, apply the basics, Cook-Clean-Sew-God-Trust-Love-Faith and we get a start in life. Sure a little more comes into play but support that and we Cool!! Just my input, after 4Children who all finished College and went on to pay their own bills and raising families. Praising my Wife also, who God call home early in our life.
Ronnie Tyler says
thanks for the input Thurston!
Minister Rhonda Williams says
Bless you Ronnie for sharing your journey with us. I discovered over the years that parenting isn’t about getting it all right or all done, but about equipping our children to be all that GOD predestined them to be before the foundations of this world. God expects us as parents, to train up a child in the way they should go. So that their earthly purpose will collide with their spiritual destiny. God has a plan, and Being GOD CENTERED in everything we do. We will teach them to conquer every spiritual giant by a steadfast faith in God…..
God Bless You,
Min Rhonda Williams
Ronnie Tyler says
“I discovered over the years that parenting isn’t about getting it all right or all done, but about equipping our children to be all that GOD predestined them to be before the foundations of this world.”…that was a beautiful comment Minister Williams
Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. says
Good stuff! Thanks for doing this Ronnie!
Lynn J says
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story! I’m still learning about being a mother too and my kids are grown adults and married! Now I’m in the process of leaning how to be a mother in law! No grand kids yet! : ( I’m looking forward to learning how to be a grandma! Can’t wait! : )
I’ll keep you and your amazing family in my prayers! You and your husband are doing an awesome job! We’re all works in progress so you have lots of company! : )
God bless!
Connie Flores says
Thanks for the great blog!
Anonymous says
Thank you!!! Always enjoy your articles.
LaWanda says
Wonderful reflection!
carol cornelius says
lovely story.
Raquel says
Love your site
Bobbiejo says
Thanks for continuing to be there for your son as much as you can while also realizing his need for independence. Family is involves bonds that ideally should not be broken. My mother will always be my mother, and I her child. The meaning of this may change in some ways but not the love that binds the two. The love that keeps the relationship alive and growing, and learning.
Tanika Libingston says
I’m 35 with two children of my own and it doesn’t change. My mom is still trying to tell me what to do! This is a very good article,as always!
LB says
Excellent article with great information!
Anonymous says
Love this page!
Veronica says
You never stop!!! Enjoy
Connie says
Reading these blogs emphasizes for me how much I missed having children but gives me so much hope for the future of our country and world, knowing such good parents have raised such great kids! Be proud!
Marsha B says
Even after 18 there are land mines everywhere!! Just don’t stop hugging them, even when they have kids of their own.
Krishann says
Ronnie, I loved this so much. I can relate. I was 20 when I had my oldest. She’s 8 now and I still can’t believe I have an almost 9 year old. Having her fueled my desire to dream bigger and then work toward making my dreams come true. She was a catalyst for me and having her by my side to see my accomplishments has brought me so much joy. Reading this made me think about my own mother too, especially the GPS route. I know I didn’t take the route she would have wanted me to take but she was still there for me and eventually I found my way…At 29 years old I am learning to stop more, to take in my children’s childhood, savor it and do what I can to make it a good one — by being present. With my first I was focused on doing everything I could to just give her a chance. I don’t feel like I slowed down enough. Thank you for sharing this. You are a beautiful person and raised lovely children (I can tell!).
Valarie says
Thank you for such an awesome ministry. The emails and articles have truly been a blessing!
Em says
Thanks for sharing your story as a part of blogust! And thanks to Walgreens for the vaccine donations.
Susu says
Thank you so much for sharing this article! I remember the milestones and lessons while going through with my son! He will turn 20 years old on Sept. 29! Yes seems like just yesterday, but now he is a man, taking care of his own business!!!!! Working two jobs to pay his college tuition! I am so proud of him! I enjoyed the pictures and the article!
vjsim4 says
Good article.
April Dishon says
Wow. I always felt like the time was flying and my oldest is only ten. I will make sure to treasure each moment. Lovely article!
Anonymous says
Well said! Thanks
Julie says
This is good info! Every day I question my parenting so I am glad to know others do so.
Elizabeth Griesser says
Children are a blessing
Tyronda says
Time does fly by. My daughter is 14 and my son is 10. They say that I’m over protected but I love them so much!
laurie says
Each paragraph a pearl of wisdom to be treasured and shared. My favorite is Age 15 – Don’t Give Up. Luv, you are so right about that!
Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy says
I always tell my kids to stop growing. I love & hate that they are getting older.
I love the part about fighting the urge to fight for your kid. I have been there many times. LOL.
What a great cause you guys are supporting.
Liz N. says
Thank you so much!
Marilyn says
Great article! I don’t have children of my own, but I enjoy reading about others’ experiences with your children. Sounds like you’re doing a great job!
Bernetta says
I enjoyed reading this and feel it is such a blessing that he is able to go off to school and take care of himself without your worrying so much. My 3 are 8,5 and 6 months. I have said before.. I can’t wait for this or that… but I do hear a lot “Cherish the moments!” And I surely will. Let go kiss my babies now.
Kim Reuben says
Thank you for sharing this! My son is 16 and I find myself in the same place at my age. Love and attention are two things they require. Sharing God’s love was very important in raising my son. I pray that you & your son will continue to grow! God bless!