Psychotherapist and author Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham is back with a new film that sets out to explain why good men are choosing to remain single. The film titled “Qualified, Yet Single” is set to premiere in Washington, DC on June 21st. Check out more details and the official trailer for the film below.
From YouTube:
For women who want to know why good men remain single, “Qualified, yet Single” is a straightforward, sincere and informative film that highlights some of the personal, interpersonal and emotional challenges that influence why some good men decide to remain single.
Through heartbreak trauma, peer pressure and negative societal influences, a diverse group of fifteen men from Atlanta, D.C., Maryland and Saint Louis share heartfelt and thought-provoking stories about their decisions to remain Single.
This candid film encourages single men to think deeply about their lifestyles and motivates single women to look beyond a man’s surface in order to recognize that qualifications do not make a man qualified to be in a relationship.
Starring Darius Bradford (Former, Ricky Smiley Morning Show Host), Arvin
Mitchell (Actor and BET Comedian), Guy Lambert (WPGC 95.5 Radio
Personality) and Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham.
For DC Premiere ticket info click here.
BMWK family, why do you think good men choose to remain single?
REALLY?! another BS film in which Black women are blamed by a group of men who now claiming that they can’t find a good woman!!!! REALLY?!!! It is as simple as this…. If you don’t desire to be a husband then you don’t qualify to be a good husband… Plain and simple. But if you want to remain a selfish playboy who sleeps around with a bunch of woman with low self esteem then accept your as the low class joker that you are…. Don’t blame that on Black women in general!!!!
Amen
As a Black man I agree. Now the Spike Lee’s of the world (Black movie Directors) need to stand-up and stop making movies like pimps up whores down. How about making movies about our rich history. I mean going past the George Washington Carvers, etc.. we all know, but people who we don’t know. I could give you names of great Africans etc… that our young people have no idea of who they are. Hey Spike step aside or you should start doing the right thing.
Single Black Men are single for the same reasons Black Women are single. This is ridiculous.
I completely agree with @Cathie
They get up in arms when sistas claim the men are at fault, but resort to this?
The truth is, people are single for a myriad of reasons. Some want to be, some have been scared witless from past relationships, some cannot meet the standards of the people whom they desire, some cannot find people to meet their requirements.
And MANY need to be single and become more self-reflective and do some self-evaluations.
Actually the reasons you name are some of the issues men in the movie discuss… maybe you should check it out and see what they are saying rather than what you think they are saying
Apparently there’s some truth to this otherwise YOU wouldn’t be offended. It never fails…..Black women in America as a whole (not all of them) will ignore a black man when he’s on the rise, yet become a angry, frustrated etc when he chooses a woman from another race. The way I see it you had your chance and you blew it, now let’s take this one step further…..the rate of obesity among black women ranging from their late 20’s all to their mid 40’s is staggering! How is it that women of other races are able to maintain their shape both during and post pregnancy and many of you do not? Now that’s just the physical side of the house. As for the mental and emotional baggage…..I’ll simply say this: many of you are deluded when it comes to the “strong Black woman” strength doesn’t come from listening to negative people such as Oprah (who made matters worse between black men & black women) it doesn’t come from disrespecting black men by attempting to engaging them in a fist fight or belittling them in public. I’ve learned that strength comes from silence. In this manner people will sense your strength you won’t have to go out of your way to show and prove that you’re strong. People will already see it! Many of you stopped doing this and the end result as you can see is many of your black men leaving you in droves for women regardless of race who will treat them like men.
cathie,
I don’t think they are blaming back women for them being single. But i love how you don’t appreciate black women being blamed for black men’s issues. Now I wonder if you share the same sentiment for the millions of TV shows (Oprah, Tyra banks), movies (Tyler Perry), Radio personalities (Steve harvey) just to mention a few who CONSTANTLY bash black men and say CONSTANTLY that there are no good black men and that black men aren’t s#$t! It doesn’t feel good when you get bashed, huh? Imagine how we black men feel. Yo dont thik we get tired of hearing that stuff? And a lot women might say, “black men need to act right.” Well guess what? Black women need to do better too. Do you think it’s a coincedence that a lot of black women are single and are not considered for marriage? think about it. it goes both ways, young lady.
Before you attack at Cathie, you need to slither over to youtube and look at all of the anti-black women videos that litter the site that are from BLACK MEN, yes it does go both ways, but you black men don’t care enough to realize it, which is why it is best that and thank goodness more black women are waking up and stepping out of the box and DATING AND MARRYING OUT!
*applause* Now the reason that YouTube has so many “anti black women” videos is simple BLACK MEN ARE TIRED OF BEING BASHED BY BLACK WOMEN! Oprah started this nightmare and it was continued by Terry McMillan then passed to Tyra Banks. If you yourself haven’t bashed anyone then you shouldn’t take it personally. Black women in America I.e. natural black women I.E no fake hair, nails, breasts, lips and buttocks are disappearing and in it’s wake are the Barbie doll black women. Either they run in the direction of lil’ Kim or Nikki Menage. Both are disgusting (without all of the special effects that is)
Black men have created an entire genre of music bashing black women and have pumped it worldwide. Black men continually promote negative stereotypes of themselves in the media and music. Black men’s issues get protests but Black women’s issues get silence (Rekia Boyd vs. Trayvon Martin for example). I know not all Black men agree with it but their silence is not helping.
I disagree as far as the music is concerned. Women in America were already in pretty bad shape thanks to feminism…..When Hip Hop came along and as it transitioned into the 90’s the Emcees were firing back at the women who bashed men on national TV, their medium? Music!
truthteller you couldnt be more on. Seems like sista’s like to have attitudes before knowing exactly what the movie is about. It might be something that will assist them in getting to know what a good black man looks like. So many of the sista’s i have met are into thugs or Fugs( fake thugs) and over look the good guy, them theres the what he has women, only looking at what a man has to measure who he is. I’m one of the ones who knows his worth and could get a good women when i was working my way up. Then i start doing well, and driving a very nice car and out of the woodworks women claiming to be good ones. And there’s the scorned women, i’ll leave that one alone. point being we all have some issues but you really gotta see where alot of them stem from.
I agree with your statement whole heartedly brother. It is time black women take a look at themselves. Yes, black men have their faults and this is the reason why we are single. But we have some help from our own women and do not forget racism also plays a role in this as well.
Your attitude and how you communicate may be an issue for you by the looks of your comment. Not everyone wishes to be married that does not necessarily mean that they sleep around. If all these accomplished black men are what you are looking for but they aren’t interested maybe you should look in your own house and maybe it’s got nothing to do with you. Plenty of accomplished black women date and marry white men so maybe their counter parts are not interested in them. I’d like to point out that your comment screams ignorance and makes you look guilty of having a crap attitude, but some how I know that will fall on deaf ears. You can deliver your words without making your brain look limited in function. Did you see the film? Do you even care what these men had to say? Or are you a no class joker yourself?
I really couldn’t have said that any better. “It is as simple as this…. If you don’t desire to be a husband then you don’t qualify to be a good husband…” THANK YOU!!!!
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by Detroit Bleu on Sunday, April 8, 2012 at 10:07pm ·
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Life is not at all as complicated as the world makes it for everyone; when you break down the basics of necessity to make any relationship work its not that difficult at all. All you have to do is love yourself first,be accountable and responsible for your own well being making no excuses for what you don’t have,( if you’re still alive)that is qualify yourself to be yourself by securing food, shelter, and a way to make a living. There really is no excuse for being without these days its just a matter of getting and being informed.
The Three Keys To The Universe are:
INFORMATION :
Learn and
Know who you are in the known Universe
Know where You are in the known Universe
Know People, Places, and all Things
COMMUNICATION :
Learn all or as many languages as you can (Linguistic as well as scientific and spiritual)
Learn to speak them well
speak positivity and encouragement
Let the world know your story
know the world’s story (people-places-things)
TRANSPORTATION :
Finance Your Own Ticket To Everywhere
as soon as you learn to drive in all the above lanes
or fly in the above flight patterns that will help you and yours fulfill their destiny
This is reality but most want the fantasy and illusion they see on the TV and movie screens… if you can see past the fairy tales and all the hollywood magic you will be free to exist and live happy and comfortable within your means; with a loving husband or wife.
These are The Keys…open the door to your future and be Happy!
Right on Cathie, that is EXACTLY what they are doing…blaming us for everything. I will not tolerate it and have long stopped dating and dealing with black men. They are not worth it, what for when all they do is bitch and blame us for everything? This is yet another weak attempt to justify their whorish ways and blame black women for that! And one of them had the nerve to say don’t give 100% give like 75 or 65%!!! I was like what?!? If you are not willing to give 100% then don’t expect to get it much less married!!!
@ greyeyedgirl, a good man is normally in your face more than most likely. problem is most women dont know how to recognize him and when overly strong women get one they dont know how to let that man be a man. Nothing wrong with strong sista’s, but there are those who are to the point where they feel they dont need a man or they think there the man in the relationship. I’ve seen it in so many of my female friends and even a friend of mine who was put in a unemployed position for a little while. This man while looking for a job, takes care of the kids and endures all the crap the wife puts him through because she has a job. meanwhile she doesnt have to take the kids to school, feed them, get them washed and ready for bed. This man is beating his self up because he isnt the bread winner and oh by the way she is beating the crap out of his spirit and pride to. So is he a good man or would you say he’s bad. Remember the ecomony hurt alot of us some of us were fortunate to have options others like this guy i know didnt have.
I know a few guys who are in this position. One is a former electrical engineer who lost his job due to a drop in demand of the company and it was cheaper to retain the foreign educated engineers than it was the U.S. educated engineers. The other was a special material ship hull repairer, his company took a gamble on a super big contract, but lost, and there his job went. Another guy, a fire fighter, city went on a must need budget cut he was the odd man out. The city may pick him back up once budget allows, status pending. These guys could find employment elsewhere, but that would mean selling home (?), moving family to a different part of the U.S. and the wife having to quit their jobs and move to an area where their chance of finding comparable employment and or salary from what they are leaving will be slim to none if lucky. And please don’t forget, this is an employeer’s market now. For every open position there are about 10 outstanding applicants, so for every 1 person who was hired for far less pay than they would have 4 years ago, 9 did not get hired.
@greyeyedgirl.. i think that you are doing the same thing you say the brothas are doing.. blaming.. you just grouped them all and said you won’t date them.. what is the difference? I love Black men and I have actually SEEN this film and it slapped me in the face a few times (i admit it) I am a “good” woman and attract a lot of so called “good” men.. but this film and book made me look at self and realize that just cuz i cross a good brotha doesn’t mean he is good and ready for me.. i think black women think that all men especially those who are successful should just be the “one” not have any issues or anything to work on. oftentimes they do and we have to recognize that and move on.. instead we stay around, lessening our character and then saying its the man
Amen — enough with the perpetuating propaganda! Good men get married. Good men do not remain single; they honor, respect, and love a woman enough to commit for a life time. The good men are married. The good single men want to get married and will find a wife to settle down and make a life worth living. A good man is a good man regardless of his color? Why is it that black men need an excuse? Black women are sitting around waiting on a black man…times are changing, and any “good” man of choice will suit perfectly.
CORRECTION: Amen — enough with the perpetuating propaganda! Good men get married. Good men do not remain single; they honor, respect, and love a woman enough to commit for a life time. The good men are married. The good single men want to get married and will find a wife to settle down and make a life worth living. A good man is a good man regardless of his color! Why is it that black men need an excuse? Black women are NOT sitting around waiting on a black man…times are changing, and any “good” man of choice will suit perfectly.
@Ann: you’re assuming all women are good for marriage; thus, if a man is good, he’ll have no problem finding a wife. saying good men are married is just false and simply ignoring reality. so all divorced men are no good and it’s their inadequacies that caused their divorce? we can’t assume women are naturally good and men are naturally bad. women are human and they have faults just like men.
That’s right brotha!
So, I take it you’ve seen the film, huh, Cathie? If not, how would you know that it’s another film where a bunch of men are sitting around bashing black women? Talk about BS! And while were on the subject of BS…apparently, in your mind, if a man chooses to remain single, he’s a selfish playboy who preys on women with low self-esteem. How would you describe a woman who chooses to remain single? The floor is yours…
Another example of a MAD BLACK ANGRY WOMAN who hate good black single men.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN !!!
probably wouldn’t know what a good man is if she actually had the credentials to attract one…………
Women now a days feel that they dont need a man other than to have kids. They run the streets like they think all men do. modern day females actually believe the songs by beyonce and things like that but dont understand she loves her man. They have gotten out of the habit of cleaning and cooking not knowing that men are willing to help do all of that. Confusion is part of there daily lives……
Not all women, some of us don’t even entertain the type of songs that Beyonce sing because it represents the opposite of what we believe. Also I find that people who dwell on these sort of things, find exactly what they expect. In the meantime I know plenty of women waiting and asking themselves why they’re still single when they do cook, clean, know what it takes to be a good wife (not in practice of course) but finding a hard time coming across the men that both want this, and are willing to commit permanently.
We should put more stock into the women/men that fit the bill, not those that do not.
Ummmm, since many Black womben ARE single, who do you think does their cooking and cleaning? I don’t know a single Black womban who doesn’t know how to cook and clean. They just don’t want to do it for a man after they’ve come home from a job where they’ve worked just as hard as he has.
And how do YOU know how Bey feels about HER man? You sound as silly as the womben you claim live by her songs. I KNOW you don’t think Bey’s rich behind is cooking and cleaning for Jay. In fact, she’s said on several occassions that she doesn’t even know how to cook! Heaven forbid her husband is with her for reasons other than wanting to force her into servitude.
Beyonce can’t cook?? What a disgrace. Anyway, Shannon, you must not know many Black women if what you are saying about them knowing how to cook and clean is true. These ladies are all over Facebook complaining about how much they hate to cook and bemoaning the idea of being “domesticated.” Continuing to confuse roles in the household like this is nothing but trouble.
All the sisters I know, McDonald’s, Salems, or some random chinese place does their cooking cuz they’re helpless in the kitchen, aside from knowing how to use a microwave to cook a tv dinner or warm up old takeout. Disposable paper plates and plastic forks are all you find in their kitchen cabinets. The sad part is they often have kids, and rely on fast food and junk food to feed these kids.
Honestly guys/gals the our first inclination shouldn’t be to blame men or women nor should we generalize by making blanket statements about “women” and “modern day females”. We should be asking why beyonce’s songs resonate strongly with SOME women and why they eat that crap up without acknowledging that it’s just a song and not a blueprint for one’s life. There exists a chasm between black men and women and we are desperate to find answers. I have a problem when movies are being made left and right about issues affecting our community, but welcome the awareness if combined with open discussions like those occurring on blogs such as BMWK. I think it’s great the beyonce has jay-z and d-wade has gabrielle union, but I don’t live my life to emulate celebrities. And if a man decides he does not want to marry, who cares? He’s free to make that decision. If a woman decides she does not want to marry, who cares? And about the cleaning and cooking! It’s about what the home needs to function and run, is it not? ADULTS should engage in marriage not immature children. Adults understand that marriage is about partnership and that partnership requires TEAMWORK. If I’m not a stay at home mom, don’t treat me like one. Don’t expect me to work a full day and then come home and handle all the cooking and cleaning all the time. It’s just unfair. If we are both expected to contribute financially, we both have a part in the running of the household.
Amen!
very well said liz
We could also ask the question why many negative rap lyrics resonate with SOME men. I mean those lyrics don’t value marriage or even love.
Right on Kam!
Um, since when were men and women expected to contribute equally financially? And in what strange universe does it actually work out that way?
it’s usually when people start keeping score that’s when everything falls apart. i agree with Liz that the man must contribute just as much but it’ll never be equal, just like it’s unrealistic to expect the man and woman to bring in the same income. one usually makes more than the other and it’s usually the man.
I agree Liz.
I’ve met, impregnated, and married these so called “Super Women”. They are the one’s who wants to do it all, but then complain that they have to do it all. Nothing more than the need to cry VICTIM. The man pitches in, all she does is complain. You know the cries, the man does not vaccum the right way, he does not cook the right way, he does not clean the house right, he does not do this, do that, or the other right. Not that the children are in harms way, or the duties are not done the way they should be done in general, it’s just he did not do it the way SHE does it! Major Ball Busting to the Max! Oh, and don’t let the kids tell mommy that daddy does things BETTER than mommy….Boy, you bet your hairy tail she’s going to put your manhood through a major readjustment!! Been there, done that, set aflame the tee shirt right along with the marriage certificate and the paternity acknowledgement now that it’s all said and done with.
Interesting Trailer……….
@Cathie, why are so mad?? Nowhere in the trailer, did any of the men say they can’t find a good woman….but I guess you’re feelin’ bitter, huh?
Thank You Neil, lol. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. I thought maybe she saw he full movie already. Nowhere in the trailer did I even hear them mention black women. They are simply stating why they have decided to stay single. I think one even said if he found the right one, he is open to marriage.
This is what happens when people react with emotion instead of taking a deep breath and just listening.
I don’t think Cathie is bitter. I think she is frustrated.
Typical black man response…black women speaks the truth and she is labled bitter…it is easy to read between the lines here, but since you can’t, don’t blame her or anyone else…and for the record… no bitter black woman here either. Too busy enjoying being married to a good man.
Couldn’t have said it better Greyeyedgirl! Actually, I think the guys in the video are bitter that’s why they remain single.
You failed to address his statement, greyeyedgirl. Where in the clip do any of these dudes say they cant find a good woman (which is the basis of Cathie’s entirely ignorant post)? And don’t give me the read between the lines bs, either…
I agree with Cathy. There is alot of arrogance in some of the men’s statement. “I feel I am very successful” ” I don’t have same flaws as others” Successfull in what area? If you are a man who loves God first and foremost and are living each day reflecting that love and his word, that is successful to me. That is what I prayed for. Look at the economy. If you are going by your career or bank account that can rise or fall. Character stands.
We all have flaws and a humble man to me is qualified. One who realized that regardless to his status he will make mistakes and isn’t afraid to acknowledge them.
One of the things I check for when they publish the Forbes list of wealthiest people in the world is whether they have a family and guess what? The majority of them are white males, who are married with an average of 3 children. Yet these men here are throwing the word ‘successful’ around and saying they can’t give themselves 100% to a woman? Miss me with that.
Amen!!
what are you an idiot? do you have to be a billionaire to be successful now?
mami,
What’s the difference between what you say they are saying and what most black women have been saying for years now? You know the whole “Strong black woman, independant crap?” You don’t like that? Imagine how black men feel? You see, just like what I told cathie, the tables are being turned on black women and they don’t like it now. It was all good when black men were the culprits and black women were absolved from all wrong doing. but as soon as some blame comes back to you, now it’s a little different. Hilarious!
Tables being turned on black women? You wish…more of us are dating and marrying out, so if any tables are turning here is that one and it working well for alot of black women, myself included. What black men really need to understand is that not all black women are interested in being with a black man, just as black men have made it well known that alot of you are not interested in us. One thing I can say, even though my husband is white, never do I go around bashing black men; on or off the net…or to my husband.
“One thing I can say, even though my husband is white, never do I go around bashing black men; on or off the net…or to my husband.”
You did bash black men, in your first, second, third responses and with me. You said, “Black men are not worth it. Thank goodness more black women are waking up and dating and marrying out.” Wow. That’s what you said….Ok, so you married someone who isn’t black, because they aren’t black; not because of love, but because of color. To avoid your own. If that ain’t self-hatred and bitterness. Sweetheart, I didn’t break your heart, someone else did. If they didn’t….you wouldn’t mention AVOIDING black men. Everyone (at some point) may have gotten their heart broken…….unfortunately, that’s a part of life.
Look ahere, if I had a bad experience or relationship with a woman, it’s just that. A bad experience or relationship…..I don’t blame all women of the same race because of that….for me to do that, would be illogical and immature. Also, HURT PEOPLE say HURTFUL THINGS…The emotional overtones and overt hostility I’ve read on many of these posts ARE emotional and sobering. I was hoping to read some constructive and insightful comments; but this is truly sad…to see so much adversity and infighting among us…..MASKED, as men vs. women…
Maybe that speaks to the strength of white women and not the men. Those white men have support not an angry woman who tries to assert her authority over them. Maybe that’s also why when you see a successful black man he’s dating a white woman. Not saying all black women behave this way but unfortunately white men also cheated and put disproportionate amounts of black men in jail for some of the very offenses committed by those men on the forbes list who suffer no repercussions. There are many factors of why those men on the forbes list have lives that look like they do. Don’t hold black men responsible for inequality. Support black men. Some women look for thugs for 20 years get tried of it and then get pissed all the good men are taken.
Exactly Mami, if you are not willing to give 100% and yet have the nerve to expect it? outta here with that bullshit straight up.
What the h*ll? So, I guess the family who lives at the end of my block (father is a retired sheriff deputy, mother is a retired bank employee, oldest son is retired from the Army and now works as a corrections officer, middle son is a teacher, and the youngest daughter is an x-ray technologist at the local level I trauma center) In 2013 they will be celebrating what I believe to be their 45th wedding anniversary. True, they are not “rich”, but what they have is their own and their offsprings are the result of hard work, tough love, many night of prayers, and believing in the power of perseverance. I guess that’s not enough because they are not millionares…..Oh sorry, billionares!
Getting married is a personal choice. And so is spending $12 + to see a movie in the theatre. If they dont want to be married, fine. What’s also fine is my decision to keep $12 in my pocket 🙂
I think the press release made it very clear that this is going to be more about men taking responsibility and being honest, than blaming black women…am I wrong?
When a man is ready to marry, he marries! If not, he remains single! Everyone is entitled to their choice.
As a woman who desires marriage, I concern myself with men who are marriage-minded and leave the others to their preference.
I married a woman that does not cook, clean, lazy as hell and all she has to offer is making more money then me. Her and her friends call me a b**tch a** punk for doing these things and catering to her like I do, I take care my kids and my wife and I feel like thats what a MAN is supposed to do but she does not get it….to be honest her Stank attitude and her overall I DON’T GIVE A F**K thinking makes me done with black women and will be single for a mighty mighty mighty long time……I KNOW I’m gonna hear hate mail [email protected]
LOL. So why did you choose to marry her?
Let’s just say women do what they can to GET A MAN, but don’t do what they gotta do to KEEP A MAN…..hind sight is greater then foresight. Going in I cherished our friendship….2 kids later stuck in a marriage and find out its all a big mistake
…you say you are done with black women, but what do black women (plural) have to do with the one (singular) STANK (your words) woman YOU married??? I have a hard time believing this woman wasn’t STANK (your words) before you married her. Was it the money???
The problem we have in our community is we are RACIST against one another…sounds like you really believe her “blackness” is the problem.
Face it…you PICKED a STANK bitch…YOU picked her… I blame you.
Sincerely,
Truth
I respect that and you know what….TRUTH HURTS I know that now its just a lesson I have to learn from…….it will only make me stronger and yes a little bitter
Ha! Ha! I bet you married her because she had a donk and a nice weave. You made your bed, you lie in it. Aren’t black women always blamed for choosing the wrong mates? Well, it’s time to take responsibility for your own choices, Jay. You chose wrong.
Your dubious attempt to get a rise out of black women here is moot. You obviously made a bad choice in who you choose to marry, did you marry her for money? Now you are blaming all black women for the one that YOU choose to marry? See, this is why dealing with black men is not worth it. You are just like racist whites that blame all black people for the actions of a few. Do yourself a favor and divorce her and do what you really and should have done, since you have this attitude towards black women and marry a white woman and move on. Why add your e mail address? Something is wrong with you.
so you’re saying black men are unworthy, yet you have the nerve to compare someone as racist. look yourself in the mirror first, lady.
It sounds like these black men are single for the same reasons black women are single…they haven’t found the one. There are a lot of good men and women out there but that person may not be “YOUR” good man or woman. Don’t rush things and be so quick to want to get married right off the bat. Take the time to build a friendship and really get to know that person. It may turn out that person is a good friend but not a good boy/girl friend for you.
I am a good black woman and I have met a lot of good black men and could have been married; but, I chose not to get married. Why? Because my mindset wasn’t there. I wanted to be selfish and take care of me (health, career, finances). As the one man said I am successful and I want someone who feels that what about themselves (paraphrase).
Just like good men what to have accomplished some life goals before settling down, good women should want the same.
I think we throw the baby out with the bath water because we are impatient. Impatient because your mama, sister, auntie, cousin, Vogue, Essence and Ebony have given you all these rules and expectations and the first she/he don’t live up to them then you are questioning the validity of the relationship. CHILL and have some fun, once you stop worrying about all that other nonsense and be yourself things will fall into place.
**And yes I have been married. I gave it my all, was not a quitter. But I had to leave the marriage because the other party was not happy, nor did they continue to do the things they did to get me. Most importantly, they were selfish and immature. Because we were friends prior to the marriage, we have managed to maintain a friendship. He was a good man once he matured but not my good man.**
A man who chooses to remain single means he has a lot of debt. For example, child support payments, bad credit, school loan debt, etc. A lot of my girlfriends are choosing not to date these kind of guys until they clean up their finances. Jay Z and Wade got their finances in order, enough said.
It’s completely false to assume that because a man wishes to remain single he has a lot of debt.Your girlfriends reasons for not dating men with some financial issues clearly show total STUPIDITY,immaturity,weakness and shallowness of women with absolutely no class.Now,how do they even know that these guys have these alleged debts,bad credit,student loans etc.Did they have the F.B.I. and some other agencies run background checks on them??Some MARRIED people have these exact same problems.Even if they have some money troubles so what??What problems and issues do you and your girlfriends have that you purposely won’t mention here?The black feminist movement has poisoned your girlfriends and you.If these guys are trying their best to straighten out their issues,give them credit for that.In todays world,the REAL WORLD and NOT the one your girlfriends fell out of,people have troubles and problems.
What matters is that we accept responsibility for our faults and mistakes and,we take the necessary corrective actions.What’s JayZ and Dwanye Wade got to do with this? It’s clear and easy to see the real deal with you and your girls.None of your girlfriends want men with vision,character,substance,valor,integrity,class and taste. Men with all that I mentioned would never choose ANY of you.Enough said.
Even though this is after the fact, one of the reasons I’m choosing to remain single is because the 2 serious relationships I was in (one was a marriage) cause me to suffer financial hardship during and after the relationships ended. It was amazing who in between those periods I was able to rebound and get my money and debts in order, just for it to go to crap during a serious relationship. I’m now 45 years of age, with a son who is now in his 2rd year serving in the U.S. Army. I was divorced in 2007, but remained a single parent until my son graduated highschool in 2010, that is when I was able to concentrate all my effort in trying to dig out of the financial mess my ex-wife left me in. With hardwork and a very limited number of “Well I be damned” situations, I believe I will be debt free by 2015. I know people’s ideas and directions change over time, but at this moment, I will never-ever give up my financial freedom to any other woman, all for the sake of “being in love”. Too many women out here have no concept of money management or have a financial future outlook. To them it’s all about the now-now-now, and if I do find someone I’ll dump my money problems on him to fix. “If he truly loves me, he should accept me with all my flaws….Because no one is perfect, not even him!!”
I think people need to rely on God for their mates & stop making all these films. Not every man thinks the same just like not every woman thinks the same, these are just a few points from a few men. Being single is NOT a bad thing so people need to stop worrying about marriage and relationships until God says it’s your time.
Waiting on God to bring a man into their life is a waste of time…something black women brainwashed to do. God is not a matchmaker! Black folks women really, need to get off that mindset. Read book called The Black Church Where Women Pray and Men Prey. It talks about this stuff and breaks it all down.
A lot of people fail to mention that a great deal of the problems between Black men and Black women were either caused by or made worse by slavery, welfare, prison industrial complex, etc. I have run into my share of Black people who make it a point to completely exonerate all forms of industrialized racism and slavery from anything that resembles responsibility or blame. They simply believe that the problems which are mostly unique to “African Americans” are simply just because “that is the way we are”.
Other races or groups of people have not had outside forces purposely inflicting damage or creating problems within their family structure. Black families were constantly being separated during slavery. Black men are arrested, imprisoned and serve longer sentences that most other races for the same or similar offenses. I have even read reports that Black women are now being arrested and imprisoned at alarming rates. In short, a lot of Black people are not used to their entire family unit remaining intact through their entire childhood and into adulthood.
Another problems is that way too many Black people have adopted a behavior of individualism. Also, way too many feel that it is okay to manipulate or mess over one another for sexual, financial, or some other type of gain. A lot of Black people have lost respect themselves, their race, their communities, and don’t see the importance in working together for survival and to achieve a collective “greater good”. This is very evident in the type of music and images that many of us choose to listen to as well as how we present ourselves to others. Even most of these so called “women’s anthems” are not positive because they help promote successful cooperative relationships. Instead, they teach you to look at the men of your own race as untrustworthy, shady, lazy, stupid, incompetent and easy to manipulate. These are same qualities that make police shoot unarmed Black men, Employers deny jobs, and merchants follow your sons, boyfriends, fathers, or any other Black man through stores. The songs, videos, and movies also show black women as always angry, whores, gullible, and not worthy of love, respect, or admiration.
A great number of us would be well served to invest a good amount of time, money and effort into learning more about the “true us” rather than the one shown by the corporate media. If we were all as lazy, stupid, incompetent or uncooperative as the media and other institutions would have you believe; we could never have built the pyramids, invented algebra, calculus, establish civil rights in this country for people of all races or performed the first successful open heart surgery(to name a few) . Also of note, the University of Timbuktu is one of if not the oldest schools in the history of the entire world.
I wholeheartedly AGREE.Thank you so much for that D.
Great comments D! One of the best comments that I have read on here. I too think that we as black people need to realize the REAL reason why we have so many relationship issues and it is primarily because we don’t have a real sense of self-love and a real sense of community. Let’s face it, so many of us are so used to broken homes and relationships, that we wouldn’t know a good relationship if it slapped us in the face, and I don’t think that other races experience this nearly as much as we do. Between slavery, high incarceration rates, DL men, and men getting women pregnant, or marrying them and then hittin’ the road and leaving them to raise a child alone, all of these things leave a lasting impact on generations to come and they have a a difficult time realizing what a real relationship even looks like because many don’t even know of one. Bottom line, our community needs HEALING!!!!!
D now this comment goes deep,much respect for going there.
There are alot black men just like me who gets married. Unfortunately, we are bombarded with negativity surrounding relationships with black men and women. Personally, I believe no matter how many black marriages there are in the future, we will always talk about this same issue. Black women are the least likely group to marry. Black men are the least likely group to marry. I am always surrounded by married folk. Yes, black folk gets married. I know there are alot of single folk out there, but I know everyone does not want to get marry. I have never heard anything positive about black marriages. I might have to write a book about black marriages
Yes, James, please do write a book soon!
Please, please, please. These guys are single for one reason and one reason only. They want to be, black men need to stop making these poor behind excuses as to why they can’t find a good black woman. I know a lot of them personally. The problem is a lot of these brothers aren’t willing to put in serious work and a marriage requires that. I heard one guy on the trailer say he doesn’t have flaws like other guys? He’s a cut above? Really? And he’s wondering why he’s still single? There’s no room in the mirror for anyone besides him. Then the I’m very successful guy. Please. You’re advertising that from the door so what is that telling a woman? Look at me I’m the shizzle. Stop making it about you and make it about y’all. When these brothers and sisters for that matter are willing to put in the time and effort it takes to make a marriage work it will. There’s no such thing as a perfect mate so compromise is the order of the day. Come down off your high horse and be real about what you want. But don’t flip your shortcomings on her. now yes the females need to step their game up too. Get rid of the unrealistic lists and deal with a real person, not some fairy tale you’ve heard about on Oprah or Ellen. Come on y’all there are good men and women. It’s just a matter of being real about what you both want. Good luck.
A lot of people didn’t watch the trailer. As usual, most of the women made comments based off of experience instead of facts. Nowhere in this trailer did anybody blame balck women for anything. All the men here said, that if they found the right one and they were ready they would get maried. One even said that most men who think they are good men are only good men in their minds but aren’t really that good. So, where did all these women get all their facts from that they were blaming black women. I think this is a case of guilty conscience than anything else. They are just adding to the stereotypes of black women! Good job ladies! keep it up and you will remain single!!!!
Not so…we can read between the lines here…remain single? Not all of us are single either…I for one am not…I am married.
Actually the first two speakers in the film blamed black women. The first woman said that Black women don’t love themselves and the second man said that it’s all in the woman’s power to find a man.
that doesn’t sound like placing blame to me. people are allowed to make observations and have opinions. as misguided as it’s may be, they’re entitled to it.
We are a sensitive group of people, yes? I define a good man as someone who is confident in himself and his abilities, yet humble to want to keep learning and growing. Men: Your mind makes you sexy, your good behaviors and good decisions make you desirable but your respect for women makes you Manly. I am a good woman because I have a good brain, a big heart, award-winning dreams, and faith in action. My heart is still open to love. I carry myself like a queen and yet have had men act like beasts toward me. From my daddy who called me a whore even though i was a virgin to a ‘good’ man telling me not to call him during his prayer time then thanking God we were prayer partners. (???) They take my meekness as weakness and are uneasy that I don’t wag my neck and wave my finger like society expects a Black woman to do. But I am a quiet giant. I am not to blame for a man’s fears. I will not be guilted about that either. There is someone out there made for me and I am someone made for him. I am a filmmaker who doesn’t perpetuate these myths and this foolishness that keep Black Men and Women up at arms. My films have strong Black marriages, common sense respect and are edifying. If these gentlemen want to remain single, more power to them. I buy into the TRUTH that Black men and Black women Can and Do love each other.
I have learned over the years that what my grandmother said was true.
People can say anything…watch what they actually DO.
The TRUTH is the TRUTH. I side with no one, not man or woman about this issue. I feel that when someone expresses their person view for their choices, it’s not to take offense or defense about it. SISTERS and BROTHERS! We’re all are well aware of the things that others are doing out there when it comes to being in a ‘RELATIONSHIP”. We know know some dirty folks and some are dirty. Don’t be too quick to defend the misgiving of others. I refuse to be misrepresented by any woman out here. Nor will I accept the mistreatment from any man.So, IF you’re taking offense to what is being said, remember…”He/She who speaks first, loses ground.”, i.e., if you’re taking offense, they just might be referring to YOU. Peace & Blessings
I am black and happily married. Marriage reqiures a selfless labor of love. alot of people male and female are to sefish to make that commitment. Until a man or woman knows who they are in the Lord. They have NOTHING to give you. A large salary or big butt dont make a good spouse. Fellas not all black girls are bitter or angry. Im NOT and I have dated a few frogs 🙂
Black women GO GLOBAL!! There are tons of men like this on the planet. These men are NOTHING SPECIAL. They are cocky because you blow their egos up. Having a Bachelor’s degree, a job and no kids doesn’t make you marriage material. There are WAY MORE men on the planet who have that and more.
Black women stop wasting your time!!! Go get educated, validate your passport and travel. See how women in other developed countries are valued and cherished by their men. Go to Canada, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands, Sweden, Australia. Go beyond your ‘hood or state. Stop letting these cocky fools dictate YOUR WORTH!!
This is EXACTLY what I did, I met my Danish husband while in the Netherlands to make a long story short, we got married and live in Canada and have two homes one in Sweden and the other in Denmark. We are visiting family here in the U.S. I also got an added benefit from my loving husband, he taught me how to speak Danish! Our children also are fluent in English, Spanish from me. lol and Danish and french from their father. Yes Tia, we do need to GO GLOBAL!!!! GET THOSE PASSPORTS SISTAS…THERE IS A BIG WORLD OUT THERE WITH LOTS OF GOOD MEN THAT ARE INTERESTED IN US, THERE IS A HUGE RAINBOW OUT THERE!!!! PACK SOME BAGS!!!!!
Oh wow, greyeyedgirl!!! Congratulations on a beautiful life! Well done. Hopefully more sisters will follow and not waste their time with foolishness.
You made it a point to highlight the fact that your husband is Danish, that you live in Canada, and you have multiple homes. You can speak multiple languages and in general it appears that you are living a great life based on the materialistic benefits of marrying your Danish husband. Not a single word about love for your husband in any of your responses. In fact, you went out of your way to advise women to avoid black men. Why would you do this? Besides appearing to be borderline racist on your end, what purpose does it serve to tell women to abandon black men? You couldn’t care less about the welfare of people out in the dating world. I love my sistas, especially the one that I’m married to, and I can only say that your Danish husband did the world a favor by removing your negative, arrogant, narcissistic carcass from the dating pool. Good day.
Boy, please! She was showing how great a sister’s life can be if she broadens her horizons by using herself as an example. We are still in a patriarchy. A woman’s status changes in marriage. That is why women in most cultures MARRY UP, except black women. Black women are the only ones pining after the men in their race, vying for their attention, getting hurt, abandoned, rejected, straight up played for fools and coming back for more each time. It’s time for black women to be self-centered, self-serving, and go for gold instead of settling for scraps.
Sisters, there is a whole world out there for you. Don’t settle for these narcissistic fools who think that being and achieving the absolute minimum entitles them to a harem.
There’s no patriachy and please if you have a daughter, do the world a favor and teach her better and allow her to work for her dreams. anything a man can accomplish for himself and his family, a woman can do the same and there are far too many examples of this to deny this fact. black women that you pretend to speak for are making their own life choices just like any other woman and always putting them in a box with a victim mentality do more harm than good. you want women to be self centered, self serving and yet you don’t want them to go for the narcissistic types and we wonder why marriages are failing left and right….SMH
If you can’t find a good man/woman, I think you should blame yourself and not the other sex. Just like how they say you are who you hang around it goes the same way for relationships. Personally I have been in a couple of bad relationships but no relationship is perfect. You have to get yourself out there and see what is good for you and what may not be good for you in a relationship. Thats how you find the person you want to be with. Plus, marriage is not for everyone. It is perfectly fine to be in a long term relationship with out getting married. The only benefit from marriage that I see is lower taxes and maybe some other benefits. Oh and you get to share your assets and liabilities with another person. Just because you are married does not mean that you love your partner more than an unmarried person loves their partner. I really dont see the point. And Im so sick and tired of the race thing. Just stop it because its really getting out of hand.
I this is my first time commenting, but I know Lamar Tyler and consider him an ally. What I think most people are missing is that many of these “successful” men are most likely the products of a single-parent household, never married. Why do I say “most likely?” because 73% of black children are born out of wedlock. When you have not seen functional marriages displayed to you as a child, is it any wonder that so many black men and women are completely clueless as to what it takes to be in a marriage? 1+1 people…
This article kind of tipped me over the edge. As a young Black man and Christian who seeks marriage, I felt like it was important to start digging deeper on these issues, and that led me to talk specifically about race. I hope my blog can benefit you, and in fact, I plan to share it with this site’s administrators. Please see https://jwmfridge.blogspot.com for my article on race relations.
I think Black men and women have got to stop the blame game with each other PERIOD! I’m what could be described as a good brother and I’m in the single ship at the moment is because of lack of compatibility and wrong timing.
Wow I see this stirred the souls of a few folks.
I think it will be interesting to see this film to determine if valid points are raised or not. Can’t wait to see it.
I haven’t seen the film so I will reserve from bashing another brother’s work – based on what i think it is about. So Dr. Dwayne, I applaud your accomplishment, work and dedication to be about something. Look forward to seeing the film, so I can comment intelligently.
Ok for those of you who focused on my comment about me saying I think I’m on a higher shelf than most men because I don’t have any of those flaws that some people do have…I was talking about most men in my age bracket that have either been to jail, treat their women in a disrespectful manner, have baby mommas & things of that nature but that clip of what I was saying didn’t allow you all to get the point I was trying to make…So I decided to clear that up for you.
As a Newbie, I am always browsing online for articles that can help me. Thank you
Keep functioning ,impressive job!
I know exactly how you feel ladies. Enough already, right? Well, I actually caught the sneak preview of this film in St. Louis and was pleasing surprised. This is not at all what I had expected. I’ve read Steve Harvey’s book and saw the movie and liked them both but didn’t learn anything that I didn’t already know. This documentary is about real men speaking about their own real issues which was really enlightening. It goes deeper into the psychology of why men and women behave the way they do not just another man’s opinion. Also, though it is not a comedy, there are comedians interviewed that are hilarious in it. See it for yourself.
I took something specific from the clip and some words from the Dr. to say that while the film is names qualified yet single, these men are not all qualified to be married. It seems that there is a message here for Black women looking for Black men. That message is that the things that make you look at this man and his so called “qualifications” are not what you should look for in assessing a potential mate. A lot of these men may not be mature enough to be married or in a committed relationship. They may not be emotionally available for that type of commitment. So the job, car, house, and physical qualities do not qualify a man as a mate or husband.
I didn’t catch a lot of female bashing in the clip at all. I think some of the frustration in this comment section come from the various media outlets targeting Black women about what actions need to be taken but what kind of direction is given to Black men? We are told how to think how to act and everything else but there isn’t a similar outcry to Black men. It is not as simple as cooking and cleaning either. You can be a master cook with an immaculate home and still not have a plethora of dates. Let alone getting married. We have to start at the root of relationships which is relating which is communicating. I think this film could bring about a dialogue which is always good to have.
The problem I see with women in general is the fact that they feel they are never wrong and without fault. This makes them feel as if they are in need to always try to fix up someone elses life.
Prime example, women in general seek out men they feel they can “fix”. The wrongs of the man are standing right in front of them with bells, alarms, sirens, and danger signs going off left and right. What do these women do, they push all of that aside and try to find the potential of that person. 95% of him is saying danger-danger-danger, but somehow the women “sees” his potential and feels she is the person to help bring it out of him?
On the other end, the rights of the man are standing right in front of them with bells, alarms, sirens, and good signs going off left and right. What do these women do, they push all of that aside and try to find the negatives of that person. 90% of him is saying good catch-good catch-good-catch, but somehow the women sees or invents his negatives and feels she needs to keep him at a distance, reserve him as her pocket man, or tries to introduce him to one of her friends.
I have not seen the movie as of yet, but the one thing I recognize by just reading these blog is “divide and conquer” is easy when it comes to our community. We never recognize the real game. Just get sucked into BS and start name calling, blaming one another. Shame on us.
I think women use the word “Successful” in all the wrong pretenses. While at a house party back in 2011, the subject of a successful man came up. Me being the person that I am, I asked all the women in the room to explain what type of man can be considered being “successful”. Their idea of a succesful man is basically someone who has a high figure income, an expensive car, and can easily support them (the women) financially. A few mentioned the man being God Fearing and loves the Lord. So I gave an example of two men and asked which one they considered as being “successful” One was 34 years of age, no children, never been married, and has been an outstanding sheriff deputy for 12 years. The other man, same age, no children, never been married, the only difference is he has been out of law school for about 1 year and has passed the bar. All that answered stated the attorney was who they thought to be successful. None took in account that the average person out of law school is debt of close to $100,000 in education loans. Nor do they realize that a high number of people leave the profession by their 5th year of graduating. Nor do they realize that once you take into account that once the monthly student loan payment is sent off, rent, utitiles, car payment, etc, etc, etc, are paid out little money is left in one’s pocket to treat a girlfriend out on the town; and let’s not forget about having to put in 60+ hours work week cycles. Ladies, success has a lot more to do than how much money a person make…….Believe that to be the gospel truth!
It’s looks and money.
Anybody who tells you differently is running a game on you.
If you’re conventionally attractive by media standards, you’ll have no problem drawing attention from the opposite sex. If you’re rich, same deal. It’s the 90% of the rest of humanity that has to settle, make deals and compromise.
Would love to see this film. Although i am a black woman engaged to a white man i will always have love for my brotha’s. It is most unfortunate that we have a generation of boys not being groomed to be husbands and providers in the black community. Our daughters will and do suffer for this. I would have preferred to marry a black man but the reality is the pickings are mighty slim. I actually felt like i had to be willing to date out my race when it came down to any type of serious commitment. I’m just being honest family also I will take a look at the film and much love to all.
My God told me that if I had first seek ye the kingdom of heaven, he would of found me a husband someone that is right for me and I right for him and if I did not feel any love for him, he would bring me to the place where I would fall in love with him. We would both be baptised with the Holy Ghost where by we would love each other in a Godly way. That was how it would be. I am so sick of coming on sights like this and hearing black men and black women slag each other off. Don’t you see why other races have been able to dominate both the black male and female. The racists are having a field day and the none black men and women are having a wonderful time with you both, knowing that your hatred for each other is causing you to fall in love with people that you would not of been able to do in the days of slavery right up until even the 70’s. Look just stop the hating and go and get the baptism of the holy ghost, then you’ll see things differently. Get God’s word and then stay with God’s word. Amen!
Many good Black men are single for the same reason many good White men are single. Unrealistic expectations from American women of all races and absurd alimony / child custody laws have made marriage and commitment a fool’s bargain for good, sensible men.
Take the poster saying that a man with a BA, a job, and no kids isnt good enough for her. Well screw you! What makes you think you’re so awesome? If you hold out for a GQ model with a six digit income, you’re as good as GUARANTEEING you’lll get burned, because guess what….those men are very few in number, haave their pick of the field, and sorry honey, you’re not going to rate. So what you’re going to get instead is some sort of fraud.
A good man is one who perseveres in life – which does not always equate to successs. The American woman’s inability to comprehend that is why they can’t find good men
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Just date someone that is equally yoked. I dated my black man for 4 years and we planned to get married. He recently said he wasn’t sure if he wants to marry. I’m not mad at him at all. I’m hurt…very hurt…and single. When a person tells you his intentions, please listen or else you’ll waste precious time. I could blame all black men but there are black men that are ready to settle down. I have to make sure I invest my time and heart with a man (no matter race) that reciprocates my feelings and visions of the future.
FACT!
Black women and white women don’t know the origin of feminist ideology. They believe some white woman came up with feminism in the 1800’s. The first record of feminism can be found in Adam and Eve. Satan told Eve, if you eat of this tree, you will be like (g)ods. That is the very first instance of feminist thought. (THEOLOGICAL)
A few centuries ago, feminist ideology was refinded and contained more elaborate definitions and detail. (SECULAR)
I COULD GIVE YOU THE EXACT NAME, TIME AND PLACE WHERE SECULAR FEMINISM ORIGINATED FROM.
A history lesson:
Black women did more for the suffrage movement than white women but, in 1918 when white women gained the right to vote, they left black women in the cold.
When blacks gained the right to vote and civil rights, we became a threat to white America. As a matter of fact, black people was in included in the Constitution before white women with the vote and civil rights.
White women were not included in the Constitution until 1972 Equal Rights Amendment. It was with the help of black women. How? White women had to establish a a connection with black women, “sisterhood). I don’t need a man was the pdycholinquistic phrase of that time along with I am strong intelligent and independent. (THE JEZEBEL SYNDROME)
Once again the black woman was Kicked to the curb and it was not until 1978 that black women realize they had been used a second time by white women. 1978 Alice Walker Started the black feminist movement.
NOW THAT THE BLACK COMMUNITY IS DYSFUNCTIONAL THE BLACK WOMAN WANT TO BLAME BLACK MEN.
When did black men ever say, ” I don’t need a woman”? When did black men say “black women are not qualified”? When did black men say, ” black women are not worthy “?
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY
A narcissist is not born, they are created by telling the target over and over they are perfect, superior and such
NARCISSISTIC INJURY
Black women will not accept criticism and think any correction is attacking or hating them. Thus they suffer narcissistic I injury.
NARCISSISTIC RAGE
As a result of their injury, the black woman strikes out in narcissistic rage….I am going to get you and you better believe she will.
FINALLY.
The narcissistic black woman will blame the black man, forget she was the one that said ” I don’t need a man” and if one actually back them into a corner, it is no longer “the black man”, it becomes “we” since she can not admit it was the feminist movement.
72% of black children comes from single parent homes because, no man can live with Jezebel