We all love our kids. They add joy to our lives in ways that no one else can. But as much as we love them, doesn’t it seem like kids get blamed for a lot?

Listen, I am guilty of it myself. My youngest is 3 and I am still blaming these kids for the extra weight on my body. I need to stop. I’ve had 3 whole years to pull it together.

So why do we play the blame game with our little ones?

Maybe some of it has to do with ease. It’s easy to blame people who won’t argue with our viewpoint or point out the role we’ve played in how things are. As crazy as it sounds, though, some of it may also be a genuine belief that the kids really are to blame.

The thing is, they aren’t. They can’t be.

Parents dedicate so much of their lives to raising their children, and for some it seems like anything that goes wrong has to do with something their kids did (or failed to do), but deep down most of us know that we have to take personal responsibility for everything in our lives.

No one is to blame for our circumstances—especially not our own kids.

Here are a few things people often blame on having kids. But the madness needs to stop because none of these things fall on them. It all falls on us as parents.

#1) Weight gain

I mentioned this earlier, but it’s worth mentioning again. Baby weight doesn’t stick around for an eternity unless we allow it to. Also, no one asked you to be the taste tester or garbage disposal for your kids. You don’t have to eat everything they eat, and you certainly don’t have to munch on what they don’t want because you hate throwing food away. We have to own our bad habits and realize that where we are in terms of our health and weight has nothing to do with our little ones.

#2) Not dating

To maintain the romance and connection in your marriage, you have to make time to go on dates. Your kids cannot be blamed for the disconnect in your marriage. Find a babysitter, get creative at home, do something. Having a strong marriage benefits your children in so many ways. Find a way to date each other, no matter how crazy life may seem with kids onboard.

#3) Disorganized home

Kids are messy, but you know who else is? Adults. Yep. The mess isn’t all them. And even if it is, they learn at an early age how to treat and organize things around the home based on what they learn from their parents. Admittedly, I am not the most organized person. That said, I can’t blame any disorder in my home on my kids. They mostly follow my lead. The better I get at keeping things organized and leading by example, the better they get at following my example.

#4) No time to pursue your dreams

Pursue your dreams. The only one getting in your way is you. Not your kids, not your spouse, not anyone else—just you. The sooner you realize that you hold the power, the sooner you will take action to make your dreams come to life.

#5) Exhaustion

Raising kids is tiring. There is no question about that. But eating poorly, not sleeping enough, neglecting our health, mismanaging stress, arguing with our spouse all the time, and a bunch of other things also lead to fatigue. I know that raising kids takes a lot out of us, but if we took better care of ourselves, some of us would find parenting a lot less exhausting.

#6) No quiet time

You have to establish priorities and make time for yourself. If you are in desperate need of some quiet time, take a closer look at all your commitments. I guarantee you are saying “yes” to a few things you need to pass on. Once you reprioritize your life, you’ll be able to find some much-needed quiet time, and having that time to reenergize will make you a better parent.

BMWK family, what are you blaming on your kids?