I can’t tell you how many times I have written about the fact that I came with a bonus. I was pregnant at 19, and from that point on was someone’s mommy. My life was no longer just my life. I was sharing it with someone and as a result all future decisions that I made impacted her life, not just mine. This included whomever I dated. I have said it several times and will say it again — my husband got quite the package deal when he opened up his heart to receive not just my love, but also the love of my child. Trusting him with her heart was a big deal. The last thing any mother wants is for her child’s heart to be broken whether it be a relationship gone awry or the hurt felt after loosing a loved one. My husband has loved our daughter with everything in him and it has been beautiful watching their relationship blossom. The two of them adore each other and I thank God for what I believe was a match made in heaven. He was just what I needed and he was just what she needed too.
Not a lot of men can do what my husband did. Not a lot of men realize what an honor it is to have a woman trust you not just with her heart but the heart of her most prized possession. Not a lot men realize the gift they are being given when a child falls for them and loves them with all of the love their precious hearts can harness. But thankfully some do. While I do believe I was blessed to meet such a wonderful man, a man who understood that my daughter was my first priority, a man who shared with me how much it touched him to see the love I had for her, a man who didn’t shudder from the idea of potty training, going on dates to the zoo, or not going on dates at all because of a sick little one — he too was blessed. I came with a bonus. I came with the most amazing little person and by being a part of my life, he got to be a part of hers also.
Our road to forever had a few bumps but his love for her and for us was constant. The decision to marry often takes more thought when there are other parties involved. When you say I do you aren’t just making a vow to the parent but also to their children. And while our relationship ultimately led to us becoming a family, I know this isn’t ideal for everyone. For some they see a woman or man with a child and no matter how much they might like the person, they see a child and a loss of freedom, baby mama or baby daddy drama, and a reason to move on rather than moving forward.
A recent article by Clutch Magazine explores the notion of dating someone with children and asks the question,“Is it a compromise or is it an honor?” Ask the mother or father of the child(ren) and it is likely we will tell you it is an honor. To be an active participant in the life of any child should been seen as such. But of course in any relationship there is some degree of compromise so wouldn’t that be the case in one where children are present? For more on this visit Clutch Magazine but, before you go I’d love for you to share your thoughts.
BMWK — Do you think of a man or woman with children as coming with a bonus or would you rather date someone without kids? Are you married to someone who knew a “good package deal” when he/she saw one?