By: Kaywanda Lamb
My road to single parenting was not the one I thought I would travel. But it is the most amazing blessing in my life.
The drama
I’m a single mom, and I love it. But 13 years ago, I didn’t feel this way. My boyfriend at the time walked away from the relationship, leaving me with a toddler and pregnant with my second son.
He moved on (more like disappeared). This is not how I pictured my life. This was not my dream. I was worn out, scared to parent alone and dealing with a broken heart.
But somehow, his lack of involvement became a good thing. I began to heal and to want better. I came back to myself. I learned to live again. Most importantly to dream again.
The healing place
In the years that followed, I looked to my little boys for motivation and joy. Not only did I overcome my broken heart, I proved wrong all the naysayers, who said I would be doomed to be unhappy, alone, un-datable and any other stigma associated with single parenting.
How did I move from broken to ready to live again? I got tired of being tired. I got tired of crying. I got tired of not having enough and worrying about how I would feed my kids.
That dissatisfaction with the state of my life pushed me to get more education. That degree (in Spanish by the way) took my life in a different direction, and I moved from Louisiana to Texas to teach. And I can honestly say the last ten years have been the best years of our lives.
My boys are happy and safe; and I am not being emotionally abused or cheated on (as that was my truth for a season).
Hold on
So, today I write to my single mom sisters of the world. I want you to know you are lucky to be single. Ask yourself: What would the quality of your life be had the relationship stayed in tact? What would the quality of your children’s lives be? What would life be like if someone who doesn’t see the real you (or respect you) still had access to you?
Right. I say you should be happy to be without them.
Even though it may not seem like it now, single parenting can be a good thing, particularly when you are free of the person who does not appreciate you.
My experiences as a single mom who overcame struggle and heartache has been the catalyst for my book, coaching business and the purpose I breath daily. Helping other women drives me, so much so, I wake up thinking about how to serve them. It has been the most beautiful blessed broken road.
My 3 pluses for parenting alone:
1) My boys are happy
They don’t worry about the dad who walked away, and I have surrounded them with great mentors to stand in the gap. They are thriving and excited about life because I did the work to parent them by myself and remove negative influences from them.
2) I help other single moms heal
Through my writing, speaking and coaching, I’ve been able to use my experience to help other. And you know what? It feels good. Serving in my purpose makes all those rough years worth it. Helping other women see the beauty in their singleness and the power they hold in parenting alone makes me excited beyond description.
3) I’m happy with my life
And I have been happy for years. That relationship taught me what I don’t want. Sometimes we try to hold on to things and people who are past their expiration date. The longer we do that, the more we stop ourselves from having OUR best life. Release it all and live.
Make peace with where you are, and really get present with your babies. Your children are perfect for you, and you are perfect for them. Get in there and enjoy your now.
I will admit that back in the struggle days, I knew I wouldn’t always be down financially. I knew I would love again. I just didn’t know HOW my life would change. But, I knew one day I would rise up better than before. I knew that I would give my boys a better life.
So, if your reality isn’t matching your dream, know that it gets better. Keep looking for the next step, for the clues life is giving you to move forward. Reach out for help and promise yourself that you and your babies will have a full, rich, blessed life. That will be the push you need to make it happen.
Kaywanda Lamb is an author, speaker, and Single Mom Coach. She resides in Dallas, Texas with her two boys, Syon and Kamron. She teaches single moms and helps them turn the life they have into the life they want. Follow her at KaywandaLamb.com for tips and advice on all things single parenting.
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