BMWK: What Has Been Your Recipe For A Good Marriage?
Allison: When you get married, it’s important to ask yourself: ‘Can I grow with this person? Are we on the same page, so we can grow in the same direction?’ As Marc said, we were in the right place at the right time. We were at a good point in our careers. We had both done enough dating to know when we found the right person.
Often, we rush into relationships, and we’re not even sure of a good sense of self yet. For me, I really had to get to know myself and to understand what I really needed in a partner. You should see yourself going through the growing pains that you would experience even as an individual. Do you think this person is going to be able to ride with you when you go through these changes, or is it going to be a turnoff if you get sick, gain weight, or are not as cute as you once were? You want to make sure some of the core values are the same. The bottom line is you have to be two complete people before coming together and not looking for someone else to complete you. Someone can’t fulfill things for you that you haven’t even tried to fulfill for yourself first.
Marc: That 100% people piece is so true. Like Allison said, it’s really defining and understanding what marriage means to you? We both came to the conclusion that we were getting married and we plan on being together for the rest of our lives. So when you get into an argument, it’s never a thought of it being the last straw. When you get the kids in the mix, you have other lives at stake, so you can’t go into marriage lightly. There’s a certain kind of comfort to know that somebody’s always got your back.
BMWK: What Would You Say Are Some of Your “Non-negotiables” When It Comes to Your Marriage?
Allison: Because of what I do, I’m extremely protective of my private and family time. I’m at a place in my life that I’m not willing to work for 60 hours a week unless there’s a true emergency that keeps me away. My number one priority and my number one joy, truly, are being with Marc and the girls. We believe in our separate spare time as well, and that’s fine, but one thing I won’t budge on is I’m very protective of my family time. It’s very important for me to be an involved and active parent and wife.
When we argue, there’s never been a time where we’ve called each other names or spoken in terms that are so hurtful or hateful that we can’t take it back. There’s never been a moment when I’ve cursed at Marc or said something to belittle him. For me, that is completely off limits. You need to look deeply into your marriage if you call your spouse a name that you would call someone off the streets.
Marc: I think she’s absolutely right. That goes back to your core values. We don’t play that. We both have that same philosophy, so we do not say anything crazy. It sets a good tone for the kids too. A lot of time, parents talk a good game, but when the kids see how the parents interact, they start doing the same. Respect is very important to us. Like I said, we love and like each other. Being raised a certain way makes you have certain expectations, so you’re drawn to people who hold those same kinds of values.