I got married the week before I turned 30. In my younger days, I definitely thought I would get married at an earlier age. But life taught me that things wouldn’t always happen in my timing. It’s a lesson I embraced, and I gave it all to God, believing that marriage would come when I was ready. Looking back, I don’t think I was ready until the moment it happened.
Did my readiness have to do with my age? I don’t think so. I know a few couples that I love and respect, and they began building their happy unions much earlier than I started mine. I think being ready for marriage has a lot more to do with where you are mentally and emotionally than it does with your age.
I think we all have to be self-aware enough to know when we aren’t ready for marriage. After all, it is probably the biggest commitment you will ever make in your life
A question I’ve been asked many times is, “How did you know he was “the one?” As cliché as it sounds, I just knew. But I often wonder, what would I have done if I knew he was “the one” but I still wasn’t ready for marriage? Would I have married him anyway? Would we still have the happy marriage that we now share?
I think we all have to be self-aware enough to know when we aren’t ready for marriage. After all, it is probably the biggest commitment you will ever make in your life. It’s not something you want to feel uncertain or confused about. If ever there was a time to feel sure, choosing the person to spend the rest of your life with is one of them.
If you are wondering if you are ready to jump the broom, here are five signs that you shouldn’t get married yet.
You have a hard time putting someone else’s needs before your own.
I am a firm believer in self-care, and I do believe that women often fail to put their needs first. That said, I also believe part of being married is having the ability to put my husband’s needs before mine when it’s necessary. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes he is in a place mentally and emotionally that requires me to put his needs before mine, and I do it gladly. I believe a commitment like marriage means loving someone enough to put his needs first.
The idea of being with the same person forever gives you anxiety.
Forever is a very long time, but that’s what marriage is about. If the idea of forever scares the mess out of you and has you hyperventilating, maybe you just aren’t ready for forever. It’s a major commitment and one that no one should enter lightly. If you can’t get comfortable with the idea of being with your mate forever, you may not be ready for marriage yet.
You have too many unanswered questions about your mate.
I am not suggesting you shouldn’t get married unless you know every single thing about your spouse. That’s just unreasonable. I have been married for almost eight years and I am still learning new things about my husband. But if you feel like you have critical questions that haven’t been answered, pump the brakes. You should never get married if you feel uncomfortable about how much you know about your partner.
You feel pressured.
If you feel any pressure about getting married, don’t do it. It doesn’t matter if the pressure is coming from your mom or your mate, you should take a step back so you can gain clarity about your own feelings. There are a lot of pressures to get married, but a major decision like marriage should not be made under the weight of stress. Make your own decision in your own time and give pressure the boot.
You think about being with someone else.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but choosing to marry one of those fish means the other ones are off limits. If you are having a hard time with that and you can still picture yourself with someone else, you likely aren’t ready for commitment. When you’re ready, you will only picture a future with the one you’ve chosen, no one else.
BMWK family, what do you think are signs that a person isn’t ready for marriage yet?