I know a lot of ladies made up their minds that 2014 would be the year that they get their fitness game right. Instead of just talking, they committed to working out, eating healthily, and monitoring their stress levels to ensure that they could be svelte for the spring and summer. They created vision boards, maintained fitness journals and even enlisted the emotional support of coaches and Facebook private groups.
I have one friend who was hell bent on fitting looking fabulous in a bikini before her 40th birthday and after the birth of her first child. After months of putting in the work, she purchased her first bikini for the first time since she was a teenager and cried tears of happiness when she looked at her reflection in the mirror.
It was a real moment of triumph for her.
Feeling confident, she ran home to surprise her husband by showing off her bikini body. She walked passed him in her bikini and the first thing that he said, “I hope you plan on wearing that in the house because I know you are not wearing that anywhere else.”
She was shocked. She was expecting him to say that she looked beautiful and sexy. He eventually did say those things, but he was adamant that he did not want his wife putting herself on display for other men and women to see. He felt that as her husband, keeping covered was a form of respect for the relationship and his position as the only man in her life.
For her, the ability to wear a bikini at an age where society tells women, especially mothers that their “beauty well” was drying up (and with a quickness) was a personal victory over long-held body image issues. Her ability to wear a bikini and feel comfortable with her body was symbol of confidence and deeper self-love.
When she came to me with this dilemma, I told her that I felt that I could see both sides of the story. I had a problem concluding that her husband was insecure and not trusting. I thought that would be too easy of an analysis and a label. I also understood what setting and reaching a goal as personal and meaningful as the one that she set for herself meant to her. I could empathize with the bit of hurt she felt when he wasn’t her number one cheerleader. (He ultimately said, though, that she was a grown woman and could wear what she wanted.)
They have plans for a little island getaway in the next couple of months. I wonder what she will be packing in the way of swimwear.
BMWK Family—What do you think? Should a husband have a say as to whether or not a wife should wear a bikini? I would love to hear your thoughts. What advice would you give to this couple?
A bikini!!!!
Yes, he can have a say. I think it will also show her respect for him to not wear it. There’s plenty of beautiful swimwear these that cover your body. I hope they come to an understanding and not let it ruin their vacaction.
Maybe her husband will go for a cover-up? I can understand his position, not wanting others staring at his wife. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having women staring at my husband in a revealing speedo either. Out of respect for my husband and myself I would wear a more modest swimsuit. Hope they can work through this.
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your husband is a guardian angel .he is the one you should care about to impress with your body not any other people need to see what is sacred to his eyes .would you rather he do not care if you show private things to the world like a hollywood women.those people all have more divorces and messed up kids.please i beg you to take husbands feelings serious through loving eyes .
I think that is so selfish for her husband to object to her wearing a bikini, in which she felt beautiful and proud in her body.
Some men are are so childish, insecure and controlling. I had a similar experience myself after having a baby and gained some weight, which made me feel not so good about my body. I had always had an envied figure and wore size 2-3 before pregnancy. During the time I didn’t have my beautiful shape anymore, I noticed my husband gawking at scantily clad women online.
So I ended up starting working out again and had a spectacular body, better than pre- pregnancy. I started feeling really good about myself again, so I started taking really nice pictures and some with bikini. I am near 40 (had my baby late in my life) but motherhood did not leave my body affected (thank God!).
I am posting bikini (tasteful) pictures and would still go it even if my husband objected to it (he has not openly but I know he wishes I did not post them). It is me feeling great about myself and proudly revealing my beauty; even of other men are looking at me! He was looking at other bikini clad women when he thought I had lost my body. So what’s good for the goose…