Like me, you have probably heard of stories of men who are rich from a financial perspective, but are poor spiritually. With this in mind, you must decide what kind of work is important to you.
Secular Work. Do you want to have a great relationship with a man who is financially stable? This involves being with a man who will work long hours and do whatever is needed to provide for his family. Making money drives him. He is faithful to his craftsmanship and might be consumed by his work from a secular perspective. Is this the kind of work that is important to you?
Spiritual Work. Do you want to have a great relationship with a man who is spiritually stable? This involves being with a man who will work diligently to serve God. Being obedient to God drives him. He is faithful to God and might be consumed by his work from a spiritual perspective. Is this the kind of work that is important to you?
I know that the ideal situation would be to have a great relationship with a man who is balanced and embraces both kinds of work. Unfortunately, this does not appear to be your situation. This leads me to my second suggestion.
2. Determine if you can remain patient and accept your friend’s work. You have probably heard success stories of individuals who were homeless or down on their luck and great things happened for them because they did God’s work and allowed Him to lead them. Being patient can be rewarding. Set a timeframe and closely monitor his growth and earning potential. Support his dream, but make sure that he is considerate of your aspirations and values them as well. Before you continue with the relationship, take some time to determine if you have the patience and faith to invest in your friend’s work.
3. Do not get blind-sided by his spiritual ambition and ignore his worldly behavior. There has to be balance. From a psychological perspective, I am a strong believer that actions speak louder than words. Here are a few questions to help you better assess his likeliness to succeed in ministry and to become a provider. Is he taking appropriate steps to progress in ministry? Does he have realistic goals and expectations? Is his action in line with what he desires? In what way is he trying to improve his financial or living situation? Is his idea of the future compatible with yours? Is he a good steward over the things he has? Is he willing to talk through and learn from his defensiveness?
It is important for all of us to serve and worship God, but we must be mindful that we are in the flesh. God wants us to reach heaven, but He also wants us to thrive on earth. Make sure that your friend understands the importance of balance. His love for God is noteworthy and so is your love for him. However, as you explore the possibility of marriage, remember that love does not pay the bills. Financial conflict is the second leading cause of divorce besides ineffective communication. If you can accept being with a man who is not currently focused on monetary prosperity, then practice patience and continue to seek guidance. Do not rush into marriage without seeking secular and spiritual counsel. A professional counselor like myself can help you better understand your friend’s psychological mindset and behavior. Sometimes mental health issues are minimized or overlooked when spirituality is glorified.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.
The bible teaches that, “A man that finds a wife finds a good thing.” He should be able to support that “good thing”. The bible also teaches, “if a man doesn’t work, he doesn’t eat.” Be careful.
This women needs a well rounded balanced man, sounds like he’s a lazy MF using God as a reason not to work! He wants to be the next preacher pimp! Run Run>>>>love don’t pay the bills!!
Girl don’t do it! This man is not even looking for a job! A lot of lazy men go to church, buy a suit and act holy, so they can get a woman to take care of them! If he was really a man of God he would get a job, or make a job, he has already disrespected and dis honoured you by trying to be with you, and have no plans of helping you! And other men always help other men they want you to get in their and take care of this grown, lazy, man! Dont do it!!
Money is important for daily living, however all material things are temporary. We all want to live comfortably and not have to struggle. GOD says throw your burdens on HIM, don’t be anxious about tomorrow. Speaking from experience having faith can be very hard when we want something right then, not having the patience to wait on GOD. A man who who has chosen to serve GOD and decided that GOD is more important than things of this world, to me, is a keeper. Finding a man who places his faith in GOD knowing HE will provide what is needed at the right time is man who can lead his household. You should not base love on material things. If a man loves GOD and is showing he loves GOD in his actions not just words, Is a man who will love you. Because see he has to love GOD first and foremost. Have faith and believe that GOD will provide for you both. What is the saying, GOD is always on time, how true this is. Love can be everlasting with GOD as the captain, THINGS of this world are all temporary. No one knows what the future holds as far as a job, money, cars, a place to live. You can only live in the moment. I would prefer a godly man any day!!! CHRIST, HUSBAND, WIFE
He is not the one he needs a job also something is wrong with his thinking.
Before God gave man a woman , he gave him a place to live, a by, then the woman! God, self, then others! That’s the order of the day.
A place to live, a job, then he gave him a woman
Hi , let him get as defensive as he wants…as his future wife , u have the Right to question him about Realistic Goals for the future that will eventually effect you both . If that pisses him off , then leave it as a Booty Call & keep it moving. That’s how it started anyway , right ?
When someone shows you who they are, believe them! More importantly, when God tells you something, believe HIM! You asked God for direction; now you have to listen, and be willing, to accept what direction He sends you in. It would appear that He has given you the answer, and that answer is not this guy! The fact that you seem to still be uneasy about this man is proof positive. You would not be uneasy about this man if he was God’s answer to your prayers (no pun intended).
You cannot use God’s ministry as an excuse not to get a job! Faith without works is dead! Am I saying that all ministers should be employed outside of the church? Absolutely not! Each ministry (and minister) is different. Nonetheless, this individual is using his ministry as an excuse not to get a job; translation, he is LAZY! It sounds almost as though he is using the ministry as a hustle; whether non-intentional or intentional.
I learned something very important from a mentor; “start things the way you want to finish them”! Don’t start off settling for something you are already unhappy with simply to say you’re married. Eventually, it will make you resent him when in fact, you should probably be mad at yourself because he is just what you accepted and settled for from the start! Be honest with yourself! It’s ok to say you want someone who is willing to contribute more financially than this man is. It’s ok to make yourself a priority. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It also doesn’t mean you won’t “hold him down” in the good and not-so-good times, or that he has to make more money than you. It just means you are not accepting his laziness! There is a reason the scripture mentions being “equally yoked”!
Be encouraged my sister! You deserve better than mediocrity!
His evasiveness concerns me. That is a character issue. Never mind the job situation…. Who wants a husband who is not transparent and does not want to talk about what is important to you? He does not love you as Christ loves the church. He is not the one Sister, keep seeking the kingdom and His righteous and your Godly Husband will be added unto you!
Oh please… Run. When God sends the right man you will know. You won’t doubt it. Perfect love casts out fear. Pray and be really….patient!
I am presently in such a marriage. My husband is Godfearing but believes that he cannot take a step unless God asked him to. This is 4 and a half years after our wedding and he still is the same. Meanwhile, financial responsibilities are increasing. Unless you are sure he is God’s will for you, my advice is that you quit the relationship, especially since you are already expressing concerns about it.
Everyone seems to be missing a major “confession” on her part. She went looking for a casual sexual relationship!! The fact that she is walking right into this trap is on her. What Godly woman is willi g to be someone’s bed pal?? Oh and don’t misunderstand my ability to recognize this because I speak from experience. Neither of them is really ready for marriage and to do so will be disastrous!! She is either lonely, horny or both and tired of waiting on God to reveal His mate for her. Be careful young lady… lust is a sin that can have deadly consequences. My unemployed, “man of God” came with MUCH baggage! Even after I realized my mistake, I tried to justify it and lived the worst year of my life married to a controlling, abusive, unemployed, hustling, and very angry young man. REPENT and WAIT!!!