Like me, you have probably heard of stories of men who are rich from a financial perspective, but are poor spiritually. With this in mind, you must decide what kind of work is important to you.
Secular Work. Do you want to have a great relationship with a man who is financially stable? This involves being with a man who will work long hours and do whatever is needed to provide for his family. Making money drives him. He is faithful to his craftsmanship and might be consumed by his work from a secular perspective. Is this the kind of work that is important to you?
Spiritual Work. Do you want to have a great relationship with a man who is spiritually stable? This involves being with a man who will work diligently to serve God. Being obedient to God drives him. He is faithful to God and might be consumed by his work from a spiritual perspective. Is this the kind of work that is important to you?
I know that the ideal situation would be to have a great relationship with a man who is balanced and embraces both kinds of work. Unfortunately, this does not appear to be your situation. This leads me to my second suggestion.
2. Determine if you can remain patient and accept your friend’s work. You have probably heard success stories of individuals who were homeless or down on their luck and great things happened for them because they did God’s work and allowed Him to lead them. Being patient can be rewarding. Set a timeframe and closely monitor his growth and earning potential. Support his dream, but make sure that he is considerate of your aspirations and values them as well. Before you continue with the relationship, take some time to determine if you have the patience and faith to invest in your friend’s work.
3. Do not get blind-sided by his spiritual ambition and ignore his worldly behavior. There has to be balance. From a psychological perspective, I am a strong believer that actions speak louder than words. Here are a few questions to help you better assess his likeliness to succeed in ministry and to become a provider. Is he taking appropriate steps to progress in ministry? Does he have realistic goals and expectations? Is his action in line with what he desires? In what way is he trying to improve his financial or living situation? Is his idea of the future compatible with yours? Is he a good steward over the things he has? Is he willing to talk through and learn from his defensiveness?
It is important for all of us to serve and worship God, but we must be mindful that we are in the flesh. God wants us to reach heaven, but He also wants us to thrive on earth. Make sure that your friend understands the importance of balance. His love for God is noteworthy and so is your love for him. However, as you explore the possibility of marriage, remember that love does not pay the bills. Financial conflict is the second leading cause of divorce besides ineffective communication. If you can accept being with a man who is not currently focused on monetary prosperity, then practice patience and continue to seek guidance. Do not rush into marriage without seeking secular and spiritual counsel. A professional counselor like myself can help you better understand your friend’s psychological mindset and behavior. Sometimes mental health issues are minimized or overlooked when spirituality is glorified.
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.