The beautiful thing about marriage, at least in our culture, is that two people have mutually decided they love each other so much, they want to spend the rest of their lives together. They go into this commitment knowing that things won’t be perfect, and that times will get tough, but they feel confident that they have what it takes to stay the course and make their marriage work.

But I don’t have to tell you that life can get complicated. Raising kids, dealing with illness, caring for aging parents, job loss, financial trouble, infidelity, and so much more can really put a strain on even the best partnership. This marriage thing ain’t easy. We hope that in the tough times we can remember why we chose our partner. What was it that made you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? And once that question is answered, many of us try our very best to push through the dark moments to make our marriages work.

What Happens When it’s Not That Easy?

What happens when you are able to tap into the loving feeling you have for your spouse so you can make things work, but you realize that your spouse isn’t able to do the same. What should a person do if they want to make things work—pushing through the dark times—but the person they said “I do” to has decided that they want out?

Feeling like you are the only one willing to fight for your marriage is incredibly hurtful. Frankly, I’d imagine it’s the type of hurt that leaves a person feeling lost and confused. So when this happens, when should the person fighting for their marriage let go? What if they have done all they can, and their spouse still wants out? If that happens, should you beg your spouse to stay?

I’ve always believed that when it comes to major life decisions, you should never place yourself in a position where you are trying to convince someone to do something they don’t really want to do. Is there a chance it will work out well? Sure, there is. But the odds are it won’t, and now you are left feeling guilty because you convinced someone to do something they didn’t want to do in the first place.

So whether its marriage, having children, or buying an expensive home—decisions that have the potential to completely change another person’s life should be left to that person and them alone. Now does this mean you can’t fight for your marriage? Of course not. If you think your spouse is making a mistake by deciding to walk away, think of ways to possibly broaden their perspective. Maybe you can encourage them to pray with you, as well as alone, about your marriage. Maybe you should go to couples counseling, as well as individual counseling. Maybe you can have candid conversations about what life will be like without each other.

So, Should You Beg?

These are all reasonable steps, and I know I would take them all if my marriage was in trouble. But begging—well, I just don’t know how healthy that is for anyone involved. Do you want to stay married to someone who is with you because you convinced them to stay with you? Do you want to build a life with someone who is by your side because they would feel guilty for leaving?

A failing marriage produces all kinds of emotions, including hurt, anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, discouragement, and so much more. When you have invested time, love, and energy into creating something you thought would last a lifetime, letting go of it is not a decision anyone should take lightly. Most people want their marriages to last.

Before anyone decides to beg a partner to stay, though, I think they need to ask themselves if that is what they really want to do. Would you beg someone to marry you? Didn’t you enter your union because you were both on the same page? If so, it’s best to spend your efforts trying to get on the same page again. Maybe it’s okay to beg your spouse to put in the work to make your marriage last. If you can convince them to do that, I think it’s the last thing you should beg for. Whether you stay together or not, should now rest on the work that gets done and the decision you each decide to make afterwards.

BMWK family, what do you think? Should you beg your spouse to stay?