Sometimes I wonder how easy it is for people who say “let’s just be friends” to explain their reasoning behind it. There may have been some initial attraction with one or two parties involved, but then it just seemed one sided without much being said.
Guys, I want to help you avoid being invited to your lady friend’s Thanksgiving dinner with her family only to be introduced as her “friend.”
It’s important for us ladies to share with our brothers and potential suitors how to treat women. Guys, hear me out when I say that it’s not always the lady’s fault that you were put in the “friendzone.”
Sometimes, it’s behaviors that they don’t even question in how they interact with women that send off signals that he’s not ready for a relationship or he’s just a flat out “no.” The friendzone is an undesirable place to be when one or the other party wants romance, something beyond friendship. Urban Dictionary defines ‘friendzone’ as: “What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to.”
In order to get better results in your love life, you must be willing to make changes in thought, belief and behavior. Take notes and the next time you approach a woman, come ready. Below are several “don’ts” that guys do that will, or better yet should, put you in the friendzone:
- Basic text messaging, lack of quality conversation: Most women who desire a real relationship value real conversation—seek to stimulate her mind.
- No respect for/challenging the woman’s boundaries: Even if she’s seems like she’ll lower her guard around you, respect her boundaries and don’t force anything just to have your way.
- Being vague about your interest and purpose for communicating with the woman: Don’t waste a single woman’s time. Be clear about your intent and let her know that you’re interested right away.
- Acting too comfortably with a woman you don’t really know yet: This relates to pushing boundaries; are you too casual and borderline disrespectful in how you talk to this woman? Pay attention to her responses.
- Demanding or making vague statements instead of establishing and confirming plans/dates: “I want to see you” is not as interesting or proactive as “I want to spend time with you this Friday…”
- Asking/low-key ordering a woman to send you a picture over the phone: This has grown to be a major turn-off for women. You may not have that kind of access to this woman yet for her to send you a photo of herself in a world of abundant social media sites.
- Showing yourself to be immature in approaching a woman initially: “Just hanging out,” when you really meant it to be a date can send mixed signals that you may not be ready for a mature dating/relationship. Be aware of how you give signals and approach a woman you’re interested in.
- Wanting to “be friends” only after getting denied by the woman: Be genuine about your motives. It’s best to start off as friends first and not just take friendship after your romantic interest is not returned.
- Not having a real, submitted relationship with Jesus: This is a big red flag for Christian women if your walk isn’t right. It will show in your actions and if you’re not serious about following Christ, she won’t take you for a serious suitor.
- Not having enough confidence in yourself or being overly defensive: Confidence or lack thereof is a biggie that women pick up on right away. If she’s worth the pursuit or approach, take it easy and be yourself. We all have a little hesitation in the first meeting because of rejection so you’re not alone!
If you feel any of these behaviors don’t apply to you yet you still get left in the friendzone, it may be time to evaluate your so-called friendships. Romantic purposes or not, Brothers and sisters in Christ can help each other do better in prayer and everyday interactions so that their next encounter with the opposite sex is more successful.
Hey BMWK Fam, have you ever been Friendzoned? If so, did you know why?