Someone recently asked me how long is too long to wait for a ring. I didn’t have an answer because I think so many things can factor into how long a woman is willing to wait for a proposal. The choice to wait or not to wait is such a personal decision.
I dated my husband for about six years before we got engaged (and we were friends for four years before we started dating). I was also pretty young when we started dating and didn’t feel the marriage itch until that final year leading up to our engagement.
Would I have waited for another year or two? I don’t know. When you have so much love and history with a person, it’s hard to know when you might reach a breaking point.
But what I do know is everyone has a breaking point. And they should. No one should feel like they are waiting on marriage forever. I also believe the older people are, the clearer they tend to be about what they want in life, so that breaking point may be reached a lot sooner than it would be for someone younger.
I don’t think a woman in her 30s who desires marriage should feel like she has to wait a decade for her man to pop the question. That’s crazy. If a man wants you to be his wife, it doesn’t take 10 years for him to become resolute about that.
He either wants to marry you or he doesn’t.
So what do you do when it’s been a lot longer than you anticipated and you still feel like your man won’t pop the question?
I think you need to start asking yourself a few tough questions, so you can make a decision that sits well with your soul.
1. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of happily ever after?
2. Are you waiting because the thought of starting over terrifies you?
3. What would your life look like if you moved on?
4. Do you want to start a family and is this waiting game affecting your ability to do that?
5. Are you still happy with him?
6. Do you understand why you are waiting and does the reason sit well with you?
7. Are you truly ready for marriage or does it just feel like the next best step?
8. Is your relationship still growing or are you at a standstill?
9. Do you feel certain that this man is the one?
10. Have you prayed about it—relentlessly?
11. Have you decided when you just won’t be willing to wait anymore?
If you are able to ask yourself these 11 questions, and answer them honestly, I believe you can get some clarity about what your next step should be.
It’s not an easy decision to make. When you have invested a good deal of time, love and energy into building a relationship, walking away is hard. Some may even call it brutal. But staying in a situation that leaves you feeling frustrated and unhappy is just as brutal.
As much as you may be ready to tie the knot, if your partner isn’t, you have to ask yourself if you are truly okay with that. When it comes to matters of the heart, timing is critical. Despite feelings of love, if the timing is off, a relationship can surely fail.
I can’t tell you if you should leave your man or wait some more. What I can tell you is that the only information you need from him is whether or not he’s ready for marriage. If he’s not, don’t give him an ultimatum. Don’t try to convince him that marriage is the next best step. Just dig deep and make a decision that will give you peace.
If you’ve followed all these steps, your decision will sit well with your soul.
BMWK family, how long do you think is too long to wait for him to pop the question?