I know this post isn’t for everyone because a lot of women are enjoying the status quo. But for those who aren’t, let’s talk.

Ladies, some of you are DOING TOO MUCH when it comes to your relationships. I understand that you don’t want to be alone. I understand you want to spend time with a man and not your girlfriends. I understand it’s been a while since you’ve been on a date. I get it. I am not going to deny that loneliness is a real issue. However based on what some of you are doing, you might as well date yourself.

I’ve heard countless horror stories of women pursuing men, paying for and chauffeuring their dates, always making plans for their dates, paying a man’s bills, taking care of his children, etc. And then these same women become frustrated, wondering why they can’t meet any good men.

The reason why is because these women are assuming the role of the man. A man is a hunter and provider by nature. He likes the chase, and he likes to take care of a woman. When these elements are removed, you are most often dealing with a user or a leech. A leech is a man who will take everything you are willing to offer but is unwilling to give you the commitment you desire. He will say all the right words to receive the benefits, but he is not willing to seal the deal. Why? Because chances are he is pursuing someone who is allowing him to be the man in the relationship. This should not be your reality.

The number one topic for countless post and magazine articles is how to find a man. However, I believe the No. 1 topic should be on self-love. If you don’t have a proper relationship with yourself, how do you intend to have a good relationship with someone else? When you are ruled by your emotions, you will make bad decisions—decisions that aren’t always easy to bounce back from.

If you find yourself slipping into any of the above behaviors out of loneliness, ask yourself the following questions:

• Why are you willing to settle for less than what you desire? 
• How is this really counteracting your loneliness?
  A few would say “Half a man is better than no man at all”. But is it? If you are dealing with half, then you don’t have the whole man—his whole heart, his attention, his time, his love, his commitment, etc. I could go on but I think you get the picture.
• What do you plan to gain from this temporary fix? When you choose to settle, it usually brings about frustration, heartbreak, and discontentment. Is it really worth it?

Don’t allow your loneliness to cause you to make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. Choose another option, like Dating Detox.  You may be in need of a dating detox if:

• You are consumed with finding, meeting and/or marrying a man
• You’ve chosen to take on the role of the man in your relationships
• You have been on more dates in the past 30 days than most people have been on in a year

A  dating detox might be what you need to help you realign your priorities. Like most detoxes, it helps remove the toxic elements enabling you to focus on the greater picture, YOU. The way the dating detox works, is that you choose not to date for a certain amount of time (i.e. 1 month, 3 months or 6 months). During that time, don’t focus on dating or meeting someone; instead focus on YOU. Choose to deal with one of the following or create your own focus:

• Life Challenges—confront issues which are causing challenges in your life such as your family dynamic, finances, career, etc. Focus on clearing up any baggage.
• Boot Camp— improve the key area in your life such as becoming physically fit, self-care, losing weight, pursuing a desired goal, etc.
• Self Check—confront and deal with your self-inflicted issues, which hinder you from being your best and walking in your greatness in every area of your life (e.g. self-sabotage, unforgiveness, resentment, etc.)

Before you can be a blessing to someone else, you must first be a blessing to yourself. Make you’re the No. 1 priority in your life. When you are on top of your game, you will be surprised the opportunities and relationships that will open up for you.

BMWK, do you need a dating detox?