Marriage today is tricky. It seems as if many have lost sight of the meaning and purpose of marriage and only view it as a relationship of convenience instead of a covenant with God.
Many individuals want to get married. However, their desire stems from wrong motives such as loneliness, a need for daily assistance, financial responsibilities, or the next item on their bucket list. What they don’t realize is that based on these motives they want a roommate and not a spouse.
Why do you want to get married?
I believe marriage is a holy union, where two people become one in a holy covenant with God. This union occurs in a ceremony where vows are exchanged and attendees serve as witnesses.
The traditional wedding vow highlights 5 key areas which the individuals pledge to fulfill on behalf of their spouse. These key areas must be addressed before marriage can be considered an option. These areas are:
- Forgiveness: For better, for worse
- Care-Provision: In sickness and in health
- Unconditional love: To love and to cherish
- Committed Covenant: Til death do us part
- Fidelity: According to God’s holy ordinance, I pledge myself to you
Unfortunately, because many people are mesmerized by the grandeur of the wedding day, they forget that the ceremony is just for a moment but the commitment is for a lifetime.
Are you ready to be committed in these key areas? Let’s break each area down.
Forgiveness is mandatory in order for any relationship to succeed. Forgiveness is also the hardest thing for a lot of people to extend to others. When you choose not to forgive someone you are forcing yourself to be in bondage to the situation.
Every time you think of the situation, your emotions flair and you begin to relive it, over and over again. Choosing not to forgive causes you to become stuck in the time and place where the situation occurred.
When you choose to forgive someone, you release your anger. This allows the healing process to begin and eventually free you from the situation, allowing you to move forward.
If forgiveness is an issue for you, choose to work through that issue, at least for your own sanity. Keep in mind, if you are unable to forgive a friend, associate or a stranger, how will you be able to forgive your spouse?
Care & Provision:
Are you ready to take care of another adult? Are you ready to cook and clean? Are you ready to go to work and provide the necessities of life for someone else?
When you are married, you have another person to consider at all times.
You need to be willing to take care and provide for that individual. If your spouse becomes ill, you have to be willing to care for them. This doesn’t sound like a major issue, but it can be. Most people need to adjust to sharing their space with someone else.
In addition, you must be willing to become responsible for the livelihood of that person. Are you ready to take care of another adult without becoming irritated or resenting their presence or the process?
Unconditional Love/Committed Covenant/Fidelity:
These last three are intertwined. You must learn how to genuinely walk in unconditional love in order to be faithful and committed to your relationship.
You and your spouse will not always agree. You will get on each other’s nerves and at times you will want to walk away and end your relationship. But you have to decide early on that you are in this relationship for life and you are willing to fight for your marriage and for your spouse.
If you are single and desire to be married, don’t wait until you meet your future spouse to work on these areas. Begin working on these areas within your current relationships. These key areas are just the beginning. But I believe you will be well on your way if you cover these foundational issues with a willingness to be:
- willing to forgive daily
- willing to say you are sorry
- openly communicate your feelings and needs with others
Sounds like a lot? Welcome to marriage! Marriage is a beautiful relationship but it isn’t easy. You have to work to make your marriage successful.
When considering marriage, remember that two imperfect people who are used to their own space and own set of rules are coming together under one roof to love and serve one another. You must extend grace to each other and constantly forgive each other as your relationship grows.
BMWK, are these marriage vows hazardous to your relationship?