By Patrick Brooks
Every time I’m in a room full of men, I always get the question, “How did you know you were ready for marriage?” After that, I usually hear “I think she is the one, but I don’t know if I’m ready.”
Men have been taught to think, if you love, her then you should put a ring on it. And yes, you may “love” her, but is that all you need to know before you take that step toward a lifelong commitment? Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you determine if you are TRULY ready for marriage or if she is the ONE:
1. Do I really know this person?
Some women have learned to put on these masks to cover who they really are until they get a ring. I mean let’s be honest fellas, we do the same thing by doing whatever it takes to impress the girl and eventually lock her down. But once you both have moved past the preliminary dating phase, you should begin to see who the woman truly is. I will be the first to admit that a man can become blinded by the booty, the face, the breast, the lips and hips.
But you need to snap out of it ASAP and see and love her for who she really is. Evaluate her authenticity in the relationship to make sure she is with you for the right reasons and that you are with her for the right reasons.
2. Are you both on the same page spiritually?
As much as we try to avoid this, we need to pay very close attention to it for many reasons. We are talking about marriage, which was instituted by God, so you cannot be successful in marriage without God. One can’t have a relationship with God while the other doesn’t.
In order to even begin to build a relationship that will one day blossom into a marriage, there must be some kind of foundation spiritually with both parties. To further understand, go research what it means to be equally yoked, and you’ll really get the picture.
3. Have you discussed your expectations for each other?
Now this right here is very important for both parties. A lot of times we forget that being in a relationship and being married can be very different for a lot of people. Discussing the details of what you think being married means can make or break your relationship.
You should suggest to your woman what you need and want from her in a marriage (and vice versa). It is best to be very specific when describing what your expectations are for her as your wife.
4. Have you both discussed your future plans together?
This means not only your plans as a couple but also as individuals. Once these things are discussed, they should be added to the goal for the marriage. After all, what is the point of having a partner if your spouse can’t help push you toward achieving your individual goals?
If neither one of you are making investments in your relationship goals and each other’s individual goal, then you have no purpose in each other’s lives. I personally believe a man’s goals will help find his purpose, and a man without a purpose is a dead man walking.
5. Do you know and understand each other’s family background?
Some men tend to put this one on the backburner when it comes to meeting and getting to know the family. Hell, sometimes we do it right before the wedding. I totally disagree with this!!!!
One thing I have learned from a lot of my previous relationships is that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Meeting the family and getting to know them is part of knowing your mate. You have insight into how they were raised, their parents’ background, siblings’ background and patterns that can all affect your marriage or even future children in a positive or negative way.
6. Are you prepared to mentally be with one woman for the rest of your life?
Guys, please make sure that you have gotten all of the curiosity about being with multiple women out of your system. That ex who you may still text and check on from time to time? Yep, close that door!
You shouldn’t even be thinking about getting married to this woman with these curiosities lingering around. As a married man, you’ll want to avoid putting yourself in a position that will cause you to cheat. I understand that looking forward to being with one woman for the rest of your life may be scary and even a little boring to a person on the outside looking in, but if she is the woman for you, she will be everything you’ll ever need and want.
7. Do you or she have any secrets that you haven’t discussed?
Secrets can be deal breakers for a lot of people. But it is very important you share your innermost secrets with your mate, especially if she is soon to be your wife.
Telling all of your secrets just means you are invested into the relationship and therefore willing to open your heart and mind to your woman. Don’t make the error, thinking these secrets aren’t relevant because many times they can come back to hurt your marriage. Save yourself the headaches and fussing by being honest at all times; it will definitely help build a great foundation toward the future.
8. Are you both 100 percent invested in growing your marriage?
Now I know this is hard to determine early in the relationship. But before you say those vows about loving each other in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, be certain you and she mean them.
Do you and she have what it takes to carry out those tasks? Sacrifice and selfless acts are two of the most important ingredients to true love. Your mate must show you how much she will sacrifice for you as you would her.
9. WHY?
This is the most important one. Why? Why do you feel you are ready and why do you feel she is the one?
There shouldn’t be any pressures or hidden agendas tied to marriage. You shouldn’t be getting married because she is pregnant, her family has money, she left you and you wanted to get her back, etc. Your answer should be genuine and from your heart. Your wife to-be should be the woman you cannot live without.
I know most men are reading and thinking this is a lot to consider, but I think it’s essential when you are about to propose to a woman.
Your future wife should be just like finding your dream job. Your dream job is gratifying and more of an accomplishment than a burden. Though the work (just like your marriage may sometimes be) will get stressful, you do it because you love it and enjoy—not because you need the money to pay the bills or any other reason. Be certain that when you get down on that knee and offer that ring, it’s to the woman of your dreams.
Patrick T. Brooks is a blogger/ first-time author who was born and raised in Memphis, Tenn, and he currently resides in Nashville. His passion is to open up the dialog about many different topics that men rarely get to speak on amongst others. His plan is to be the voice that shares a man’s innermost thoughts by highlighting their strengths and their weaknesses. You can read his past, present and future blogs at 1mansvoiceblog.wordpress.com.
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