You have off-the-charts chemistry and he says he’s never felt a connection like this with anyone else before. Maybe you’ve been dating for a while, but you don’t know where you stand with him. Does he want something serious? Is he just moving slow? Or is he stringing you along? You should be excited that this super fine, successful man is pursuing you. So why do you feel uneasy and unsure? Chances are, if you’re on a romantic roller coaster with a man you’re dating, he’s stringing you along. Here are 7 signs you shouldn’t ignore.
String #1 – He practices “faux intimacy” to make you feel like he’s opening up to you.
It’s your second phone call and he pours out his heart to you, telling you about his hurt, his ex, and his deepest, darkest secrets. You feel like he’s opening up and being honest, but watch out girl! This display of intimacy could really just be a way for you to stroke his male ego and to get you to feel sorry for him. This manipulative behavior is usually followed by requests for your money, your time, your resources, and your body. Pay attention to whether he ONLY talks about his problems. If he is unavailable to support you when you need a shoulder to lean on, he’s stringing you along.
String #2 – He never gives you a straight answer to your questions.
Whether you’re asking him about his divorce, his past, or what he did last weekend, you always feel like he’s Kellyanne Conway, twisting his words and filibustering his way out of giving you a direct answer. A partner who questions why you need to have answers could be hiding something.
String #3 – He disappears for weeks and then sends you a “wyd” text as though nothing happened.
He was texting you every morning and night for 2 weeks straight, and then you notice that all your texts are tagged with “delivered” instead of “read.” You go from worried something happened to him, to angry that he ghosted you. Out of nowhere, you get a “wyd beautiful” text from him, and he never acknowledges, much less apologizes, for disappearing in the first place.
His inconsistency and lack of concern for how you feel could be a sign that he has a group of women on heavy rotation. He got caught up pursuing another woman and now that he has free time, he’s coming back for you. Will you let him?
String # 4 -Your entire relationship is virtual
You’d be embarrassed to tell your girls at the next Ladies Night Out dinner you have planned, but the guy you met online has never asked you out on a date and it’s been 3 months! He’s texting, calling, and filling your mind with dreams of where he’s going to take you “one day soon,” but he’s either too busy, or just never brings it up, leaving you feeling awkward and insecure.
He’s stringing you along, feeding you breadcrumbs of attention. Wake up, girl! You deserve the whole cake!
String #5 – He only wants a “Netflix and chill date” and never wants to take you out in public.
All of your dates are in private. At first you think it’s romantic that he wants to cook you dinner and cuddle on the couch. But once things turn hot and heavy, you know that if he calls you up for a “date” he’s expecting a romp in the sheets, not a dinner at Ruth’s Chris. If he doesn’t want to tell the world that you’re his woman, chances are he’s just using you.
String #6 – He tells you he’s separated even though he lives with his wife.
Girl, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a client tell me that she’d met a new guy she was really excited about. “Oh, full disclosure. He’s married, but he said he and his wife both want a separation. He’s living at home with her, but they sleep in separate rooms.” (Or he wants a divorce but the kids need to stay on his insurance, or he and his wife decided they’d date other people and then divorce when the kids are older, or something other ridiculous reason why you should be ok with dating a married man).
If he can’t tell you when the divorce will begin (or be finalized), this man isn’t being honest with you. He’s hoping you buy the alternative facts he’s cooking up so that you won’t realize that you’re either the side chick or the rebound who will help him avoid dealing with this marital problems. Tell him to give you a call when his divorce is final!
String #7 – He says he doesn’t believe in relationship titles.
The ultimate sign this man is stringing you along is his refusal to define your relationship. Perhaps he tells you marriage is just a piece of paper, and questions why you need a ring to feel loved by him. Or, he says he doesn’t like labels and likes to go with the flow. He keeps you in a perpetual 50 shades of grey area. Meanwhile, you give him girlfriend privileges, while he treats you like friends with benefits. Can you tell you the truth? The main reason he doesn’t want to label anything is that he doesn’t want be responsible for your well-being. Do you really want to settle for that?
Look, sis. Consider this your wake up call! If you feel unloved, exhausted, or scared about where you stand with a man, he is stringing you along. It’s time to cut the ties and make yourself available for someone who will gladly step up and take on the responsibilities as well as the privileges of being your man.
BMWK, have you been strung along by a man? What was your wake up call?