I’m amazed that many of the divorced women I work with knew before they got married that they were about to marry the wrong man. Some of them knew it on their wedding day; others saw signs when they were in the courtship phase. But all of them had one thing in common: Their fairy tale ended as a nightmare!

I want to help you avoid marrying the wrong person by sharing with you five signs you’re about to say “I Do” to the wrong man, even if he’s fine as Idris Elba.

1.You don’t respect him

Don’t marry a man you can’t respect! For example, one sister asked me if God was telling her to marry her boyfriend, even though she had a few reservations.

Related: 3 Signs you’re being disrespectful or just straight up mean to the man you love.

When she described him to me, she used words like, he’s “boring,” “conservative,” “awkward,” and “sexist.” These are all signs she didn’t respect him or accept him for who he was.

Tip: Marrying a man you don’t respect will lead to resentment on both sides.

2. You think he’s “safe.”

He’s a solid guy. He’s got a good job. A nice car. A decent home. A stable life. You wouldn’t ever really worry about him cheating on you because he doesn’t go out very much and doesn’t have a lot of friends.

But something is missing. There’s no chemistry, no emotional intimacy, and no reciprocity.

Tip: Don’t marry for security! Marry because you love your partner and want to build a life together with him.

3. You think marrying him will fix a broken relationship

Maybe you’ve already forgiven him for a lot of things he’s done wrong in the past. You feel like you’ve got a history together and now he’s down on one knee promising you a great future as his wife.

Tip: Here’s the thing: if the stuff that lead to a breakup hasn’t been fixed, you will carry it into the marriage. A ring doesn’t make it alright.

4. You call his controlling ways “being a man.”

You brag to your friends that he can put you in your place when needed. You say that you usually run over men and now this guy has taken charge. You like the fact that you can let go and not have to think about anything while you’re with him because you have to make all of the decisions at work.

But is he being a man, or being controlling. Here’s how you can tell the difference. Does he respect your opinions? Does he see you as a person and not just an ideal in his head? If you disagree with him, does he get angry or can you lovingly work it out?  Does he question every thing you do, say, wear, eat or buy? That man is controlling you!

Tip: A man who is a great husband will know how to lead you without anger, manipulation or control.

5. You feel obligated to say “yes” to his proposal

Some men will announce their undying love for you early in a relationship and claim you as his wife. You might have a few doubts in the back of your mind and feel like you’re moving too fast, but you don’t want to scare him away by talking about your concerns.

Related: Things to think about before you say “I Do”

Sure enough, some issues arise and he can feel you pulling away. All of a sudden, he starts talking about buying a ring and even proposes to you publicly on a whim.

Or maybe you feel like it’s time to get married because you’ve been together so long. Do not say yes just because you feel obligated to. That’s called manipulation and it’s a sign of things to come.

Tip: Look sis, your man may be Idris Elba fine, but that doesn’t mean you should marry him. Use wisdom so that you make a great decision that will impact you for the rest of your life.

BMWK, what are some other signs you’re about to marry the wrong man?