There are so many well intentioned men in the world.
I understand why I hear so many stories of what a man tells a woman, but then ends up in disappointment.
It’s not always so much that he lied blatantly to her, but what he omitted may have been pretty important.
As men, when we are developing relationships, we want to show a woman we can lead and be the best person we can be in their lives.
Often, the challenge comes when our words and actions don’t line up. We want to build consistency in what we say, how we act and what we do. Here are some examples of how to handle those challenges.
Words vs Actions
I often tell female clients if you listen to a man, he will most often tell you the truth.
Not in every case, but in most cases, men don’t have to lie to build a relationship that has some deception in it. Women expect us to be faithful, mature, honest and provide security in relationships.
- A man can share everything you want to hear, but leave out the fact that he’s not very mature and wants to kick it with his friends all of the time.
- He can tell you he’s ambitious, but leave out the fact he’s not very good with money.
A guy who might be brash might tell you straight up he is immature. The problem is women sometimes make it more than it is. You heard “he’s immature, but I can help him mature. I can change him.”
It. Won’t. Happen.
Individuals decide when they want to change, you can’t change anyone.
What is more important is to watch and see that his actions meet your requirements.
If he can’t provide security for you or lead you and those things are deal-breakers, why would you continue a relationship with him?
Listen to his words, but believe his actions.
Men, we want women that are about their business as well. We need women that are supportive in every way.
I had a male client tell me that he needed his future wife to be a part of the team; that it was necessary for her to believe in his goals and support his endeavors.
He mentioned that he didn’t need someone who may get upset with him and talk about him behind his back, but he needed a teammate and friend that was just as invested as he was.
I previously talked about the need for a woman to listen to a man’s words, yet believe his actions; men must do the same with women.
When you choose a woman, you must have a level of discernment that helps you decide if this woman is the right woman for you.
Take off the rose colored glasses and look past her beauty and her bootie.
Find out if she has the substance to make you better and complement you in areas where you are weak.
Her actions will speak volumes.
Essentially, being about it is the equivalent of doing what we say we are going to do.
Having the physical appearance of a man doesn’t make you a man. Honoring your word and honoring the woman in your life is more representative of the character or a man than appearance.
And women – listening, sharing ideas and being generally supportive of your man are some of many ways you can be about the business of fulfilling the expectation of being the lady in your man’s life.
When you set realistic expectations of your mate, you have set a baseline for what works for you and what may not work for you.
Watch their words and their actions.
Look at how they fulfil expectations (and if you are meeting their expectations). These are important decisions we make when contemplating who to spend the rest of our lives with.
BMWK, What words and actions are most important to you?