In the lovey-dovey honeymoon stage of relationships, things usually seem to fit into place. Every romantic date is summed up with the perfect caption for your photos posted to social media.
When that stage eventually ends, relationships get real; they get tested and the imperfections begin to materialize. So what happens when you find out your “perfect guy” is not so perfect after all?
Maybe they have a bad habit that you notice. Maybe they are aware of their flaw, and it’s something that they are trying to improve on but fall short at times. Women and men have options in their response to one another’s confessed sins in committed relationships. There are times when rebuke is necessary, and there are times when you need to hear your man out as he admits that he’s not perfect.
This is one reason why marriage is a ministry: you are in it to help them become a better version of themselves for God’s glory.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 NIV
It takes a real man to admit when he’s wrong, even more so, when he admits that he’s weak. Even if you remove the extreme scenario of cheating from this example, there are other flaws and bad behaviors that can test how far a relationship can go.
For example, what if he revealed he had horrible credit, thus signaling he has poor money management skills? Or what if he revealed he had a smoking habit that he was hiding from you until now? What if you realized his constant need to please others (mom, friends, coworkers, etc) was driving a wedge in between your relationship?
Ladies, we have the opportunity to speak life and build up our men. Yes, you might desire your man to change but that shouldn’t be done by bringing him down with accusations of weakness or worse. Doing that doesn’t help your man be open to you in the future. I mean, if you reward honest confession with belittling, why would they voluntarily be honest with you again?
We humans tend to avoid conflict to keep the peace. So if that means your man would hold something back to avoid your wrath then he just might do that.
But ladies, when you say “yes” to your future spouse, you make a choice and a commitment to love this man with all his strengths and weaknesses. You commit to love him with an unconditional love as God loves you both. We are called to do more than what the flesh wants to do and tear our men down.
We have a duty as helpmeets to help them, support them, pray for them, and do so with a quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Depending on the wrongdoing that may be very hard to do! But I write this to prepare you for the inevitable and to respond appropriately. Often times it’s not even your man, it’s the spirit of the matter that you’ll have to fight against with God’s word and fervent prayer.
You need the power of God to take over your response instead of your flesh because the first reaction may be to act in offense, confusion, anger and more. Taking the issue to God before taking it in your own hands can help resolve the issue much sooner because, at the end of the day, we cannot change him. We can only change our responses. Let’s seek to respond in love and meet him where he’s located with grace.
“Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins (forgives and disregards the offenses of others).” 1 Peter 4:8 AMP
BMWK family, how do you handle other people’s not so perfect moments?