Have you ever dated this man? When you first met him, he seemed like the quintessential gentleman (with a touch of swag). He’s sweet, showers you with compliments, and communicates with you consistently. But there’s a dark side to this “nice guy,” and if you stay in a relationship with him, it could lead you to pain. I call him “Mr. Angry Nice Guy,” and there are 5 signs to look out for to determine if he’s the man you’re dating. If you see these signs, block him and run!
1. He Bashes His Ex (And Other Women) On the First Date
If you ask him about his past relationships or why he’s still single, his energy will shift from charming to angry. One of my clients went on a date with a man who spent the first 30 minutes complaining about how his ex-wife ruined his life by making him pay for child support. HIs child was 18 years old! He raged on about how women only want him for his money and said he’d never get married again because it was just a trap. In the very next breath, he asked her to accompany him to an exotic trip to the Islands. She was confused because his behavior was perfect when he asked her out on the phone.
It was clear that this man hadn’t released the baggage from the past and was taking it out on every woman he met.
You may experience this side of Mr. Angry Nice Guy before you even go out on a date with him. He may talk about how he always gets “burned” by women and that he doesn’t want to play any games. Instead of trying to prove that you’re a good girlfriend, you should see this as red flag and run!
2. He Accuses You of Cheating If You Miss His Call
If you don’t text him back right away, he instantly jumps to the conclusion that you’re with another man. Even if you’re able to prove that you weren’t, from that day forward, he interprets every move you make as a sign you’re unfaithful to him.
Smiled at the server during the date? Must be flirting!
Out with girls? You’re hunting for men.
Laughed with his uncle at the family BBQ? You were coming on to him.
Putting on heels and makeup? You’re trying to get attention.
Don’t waste your time justifying your actions with this man. Explaining is draining! If he insists on believing alternative facts, you can just move on.
3. He Gets Offended (And Verbally Attacks You) When You Say “No”
He texts you to ask you out on a date, and you politely tell him “no thank you.” Or, maybe he tells you he wants to drive you home after your first date and you say you appreciate the gesture, but you’re not comfortable with that just yet. Maybe he insists you meet up at his house for a date, and you decline, but offer an alternative so you can still see each other.
Instead of respecting your boundaries, Mr. Angry Nice Guy goes ballistic! You wake up to 3 pages of text messages telling you off. He rants about how he always knew you were no good for him, and that you’re just like every other woman out there who thinks she’s all that because she has a house, career, and likes to travel. “You wouldn’t recognize a good man if he stares you in the face,” he might add. “You’ll NEVER meet a good man like me!”
After his rant, he may apologize profusely and explain that he was just upset. He may even act embarrassed about his behavior, but you still need to block him because a man who can’t respect your boundaries, no matter what they are, is unsafe. He will cross the line to get what he wants, and can’t be trusted. Don’t waste your time responding to his texts. Move on!
4. He Gossips About You To Control You
If you’ve been dating Mr. Angry Nice Guy for a while, he may use gossip as a weapon to control you. He’ll spread lies about you to your mutual friends and even your family to get them to change how they feel about you. Because he’s so charming and may even be respected in the church or community, people will believe him over you. This is more than an attempt to make you look bad to other people. He’s trying to make sure that no one will believe you when you tell the truth about his angry ways, since he only shows his nice side to the public. The first time this happens, you need to walk away from the relationship.
5. After An Argument, He’ll Pour On The Charm
Maybe you’ve found that a peaceful date always turns into an argument before the night is over. Or, your man may shower you with text messages proclaiming his love for you right after cussing you out. This is a sign you’re dealing with Mr. Angry Nice Guy.
He doesn’t know how to handle conflict in a healthy way. He tends to have passive aggressive ways, and will make you feel like he did a 180 before, during and after an argument. For example, I dated a guy who would berate me over something as simple as the outfit I was wearing until I cried. As soon as he saw my tears, he’d become Prince Charming again, telling me how much he loved me. His behavior was confusing and often made me second-guess myself, when it was clear that I wasn’t the one with the problem. I ended up walking away from that relationship, and I’m encouraging you to do the same.
Anger is always just the tip of the iceberg with this so-called “nice guy.” His sweet public persona is just a cover up to hide deeper issues like manipulation, control, and fear of rejection. He’s not ready for a relationship, and you don’t need to play counselor to try to fix him. Move forward so you can meet a real nice guy who will make you feel safe, accepted and loved.
BMWK, have you ever dated Mr. Angry Nice Guy? Tell me your story below!