So you’ve spent three intense weeks together with this man you’re dating and you can see yourself marrying him. But after coming up for air, friends and family alike are hinting you might need to slow down and pump the brakes on your relationship. While you’re not the type to base your love life on what other people think, you do wonder if you’re moving too fast in your relationship.
In this article:
- He tells you “I’ve never felt this way before.”
- You kiss more than you talk.
- You haven’t spent time with him doing everyday things.
- You feel pressured to go with the flow.
- You’re explaining away red flags and negotiating on your deal breakers.
5 Signs You Are Moving Too Fast in Your Relationship and How to Pump the Brakes
During the last three weeks, you and you’re Boo have been in relationship bliss. You’ve spent every waking moment talking, texting, and going on romantic dates. Everything feels just right. But when you come up for air, your logical mind kicks in and you question your feelings. Are you moving too fast?
You may have heard stories of couples who met on Friday, got married on Sunday, and are still together 20 years later. My own love story happened quickly. I married my husband 11 months after we met. But there are times when a relationship can be moving too fast. This happens when you’re caught up in the aura of falling in love. As a result, you’re not taking the time to build a solid foundation to make it last.
Check out these 5 signs that you are moving too fast and need to pump the brakes in your relationship.
Sign #1: He tells you “I’ve never felt this way before.”
I dated a guy who declared his love for me and claimed that I was his wife within the first week of us dating. He told me “I’ve never felt this way before!” At first, I thought he was just opening his heart and being vulnerable with me. I endured an emotional roller coaster with this man filled with cheating, lying, and heartbreak. Needless to say, I realized he was not ready for the realities of a relationship. He behaved in an emotionally unstable way that made it all too clear. To this man, “I’ve never felt this way” was a sign that he was addicted to the good times in a relationship. Unfortunately, he was unable to deal with the inevitable challenges that come with love.
If you’re the one falling head over heels for him, pay attention to the emotional triggers that show you’re moving too fast with a man. Some common ones include loneliness and chronic stress. When you’re always working and feeling burnt-out and bored with your life, the thrill of falling in love can make you feel alive again! Pay attention to these triggers so that you’re not caught up because you’re dissatisfied with your life.
Sign #2: You kiss more than you talk
Kissing is an amazing way to fall in love. But strong relationships thrive with strong communication skills. If your budding romance focuses on getting physical, pump the brakes and spend more time talking to each other. Identify when your man really wants to be more than just friends…with benefits through proper communication.
Sign #3: You haven’t spent time with him doing everyday things
Do you know your man in good and bad times? If you only spend time together going on dates, it’s easy to only know his charming side. But what is he like when he’s angry? Tired? Sad? Busy? You need to hang out with him while doing ordinary things like going to the grocery store or getting stuck in traffic. The goal is to do life with a partner, so you need to see more of his lifestyle before you settle in with him.
Sign #4: You feel pressured to go with the flow
If you feel pressured to tell him “I love you” just because he said it, then that’s a big sign you’re moving too fast. Whether the pressure is coming from him or within your own heart, an obligation is never a good reason to start a relationship. You also need to make sure your patterns of people pleasing aren’t causing you to deny any negative feelings you’re having about the relationship because you’re afraid of losing him. You have the right to set the pace of a relationship and tell your man you want to slow things down.
Sign #5: You’re explaining away red flags and negotiating on your deal breakers
If you’ve done the work of distinguishing deal breakers from regular dislikes, then you need to stop second-guessing yourself about the red flags you see. Every person has character flaws in a relationship. They include manipulation, anger, distrust, control, blame, emotional unavailability, and irresponsibility. When you’re in your right mind, you would never enter into a relationship with someone with these problems. But your desire for a relationship can blind you to serious issues that always lead to breakdowns and breakups. If you notice you’re creating excuses for bad behavior, you’re moving too fast!
Recognize any of these signs in your new relationship? Then it’s time to pump the brakes! Set the pace of the relationship by telling your partner you’re just not ready to talk about marriage yet. Slow things down by taking a little time away from him. Set a date for the weekend instead of seeing each other every day next week. If he gets angry because you’re setting boundaries around your time, that may be a sign there are some deeper issues you need to pay attention to before you get to involved.
Don’t lose yourself just because you’ve found someone. If it’s meant to be, slowing the pace of the relationship doesn’t mean you have to end it. Make a wise decision by taking all the time you need to decide who will be your life partner.
BMWK, how do you slow down your feelings for someone when things are moving too fast? Share your thoughts below!
Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on June 6, 2016. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.