Okay…maybe I’m being a little naïve here…but when a man is at a point in his life where he is looking for a mate, he isn’t on the dating scene looking for “friends.” I know, I know…your mate should be like your best friend and all of that, but most women and men of a certain age aren’t seeking out more friends, they are seeking out lovers.
When he sees that woman walking across the room that catches his attention he isn’t saying in his mind “dang she looks like she could be a really good friend.”
Now I do know that the bond of friendship can be developed once getting to know one another, but if you’ve been dating a guy for a while and he keeps saying “I just want to be friends,” then this might be what he is really saying.
I want the benefits of the relationship without the commitment
A lot ladies end up confused and on an emotional rollercoaster when they are dating a guy and he is doing or saying all of the things that indicate he wants a relationship, but really doesn’t. You talk all the time, go out on dates, spend lots of time together, are intimate, you kiss, hug and probably even have sex, but for some reason you still don’t know where you stand.
You decide to ask and he says y’all are “just friends.” For him, he is virtually getting a relationship just without the actual commitment part. The question you have to ask yourself is are you okay with that and do you do these types of things with people that you classify as your “friends?”
I still want to keep my options open
Many times, when a guy keeps putting you in the “friend zone” it’s because he still wants the freedom to be able to date other people. While he may like you, maybe he just doesn’t like you enough to close off all of his options to other women. Maybe for him, the risk of being tied down doesn’t outweigh the benefits of committing to you fully.
I’m dating other people
Sometimes, what he is trying to tell you is that he IS actually dating other people and it’s not much you can say because you guys aren’t committed, re: “just friends.” This means don’t question him about what he does because friends don’t get to question friends.
I don’t want to be rushed into anything
Sometimes, a man will make it clear that y’all are just friends because he doesn’t want to feel like he is being prematurely rushed into the commitment. Men know that with commitment comes expectations and sometimes he isn’t ready to fulfill those expectations. This is why communication early and often around where the relationship is progressing is needed. You shouldn’t be years and many months still being a friend when you really want to be a lover in a committed relationship.
I’m just not that into you
The harsh truth is that sometimes he just really isn’t that into you but likes having you around as an option or convenience. Maybe he just wants you to be the girl he can call to fill time or to hang out with when he is bored or to have sex with when he wants it. He might be into you enough to give you the leftovers of his time or to fill some space, but he doesn’t want to let you out of that friend-zone where you start expecting more.
When a man wants a woman and is truly pursuing her, then he has no issue making it clear and taking himself out of that friend-zone. He will naturally want to claim his woman and she won’t have to play the guessing game. Just remember that when it’s right, it’s easy!
Besides, you can’t build a committed relationship with someone who only wants to be “friends.” When it’s all said and done, if you value your time, then you will seek clarity and you will understand that you have a say so in the situation. Be clear through your words and your actions as they must align…and so should his.
BMWK – what do you think a man means when he says he just wants to be friends?