A guy who doesn’t allow his relationships to go deeper may have commitment issues. Okay… maybe I’m being a little naïve here, but when a man is at a point in his life where he is looking for a mate, he isn’t on the dating scene looking for “friends.” I know, I know…your mate should be like your best friend and all of that, but most women and men of a certain age aren’t seeking out more friends, they are seeking out lovers. Check out the commitment issues signs you should watch out for below.
In this article:
- What He’s Really Thinking
- I Want the Benefits of the Relationship Without the Commitment
- I Still Want to Keep My Options Open
- I’m Dating Other People
- I Don’t Want to be Rushed into Anything
- I’m Just Not That into You
What a Guy with Commitment Issues Really Means
What He’s Really Thinking
When a guy sees that woman walking across the room that catches his attention he isn’t saying in his mind “Dang, she looks like she could be a really good friend.”
Now I do know that the bond of friendship can be developed by getting to know one another. However, if you’ve been dating someone with commitment issues and he keeps saying “I just want to be friends,” then this might be what he is really saying.
1. I Want the Benefits of the Relationship Without the Commitment
A lot of ladies end up confused and on an emotional rollercoaster when they are dating a guy and he is doing or saying all of the things that indicate he wants a relationship, but he really doesn’t. You talk all the time, go out on dates, spend lots of time together, are intimate, you kiss, hug, and probably even have sex, but for some reason, you still don’t know where you stand.
You decide to ask and he says y’all are “just friends.” For him, he is virtually getting a relationship just without the actual commitment part. The question you have to ask yourself is are you okay with that and do you do these types of things with people who you classify as your “friends?” These are all commitment issues signs that you should be wary of.
2. I Still Want to Keep My Options Open
Many times, when a guy keeps putting you in the “friend zone,” it’s because he still wants the freedom to be able to date other people. While he may like you, maybe he just doesn’t like you enough to close off all of his options to other women. Maybe for him, the risk of being tied down doesn’t outweigh the benefits of committing to you fully.
READ: Fellas: The 10 Biggest Dating Mistakes That Will Get You “Friendzoned” with a Quickness
3. I’m Dating Other People
Sometimes, what he is trying to tell you is that he IS actually dating other people and there’s not much you can say because you guys aren’t committed, re: “just friends.” This means you can’t question him about what he does because friends don’t get to question friends.
4. I Don’t Want to be Rushed Into Anything
Sometimes, a man will make it clear that y’all are just friends because he doesn’t want to feel like he is being prematurely rushed into the commitment. Men know that with commitment comes expectations and sometimes, he isn’t ready to fulfill those expectations.
If he’s exhibiting commitment-phobe traits, then you should make your expectations clear with him. Communicate early and often around where the relationship needs to progress. You shouldn’t be years and many months still being a friend when you really want to be a lover in a committed relationship.
READ: 4 Telltale Signs That a Man Is Serious About You
5. I’m Just Not That into You
The harsh truth is that, sometimes, he just really isn’t that into you but likes having you around as an option or convenience. Maybe he just wants you to be the girl he can call to hang out with when he is bored or to have sex with when he wants it. He might be into you enough to give you the leftovers of his time or to fill some space, but he doesn’t want to let you out of that friend-zone where you start expecting more.
When a man wants a woman and is truly pursuing her, then he has no issue making it clear and taking himself out of that friend-zone. He will naturally want to claim his woman and she won’t have to play the guessing game. Just remember that when it’s right, it’s easy!
Besides, you can’t build a committed relationship with someone who only wants to be “friends.” When it’s all said and done, if you value your time, then you will seek clarity and you will understand that you have a say so in the situation. You don’t have to torture yourself with trying to look for ways on how to help someone with the fear of commitment. Be clear through your words and your actions as they must align…and so should his.
If you do feel strongly for this man, commitment issues or not, you can still show him how much you care for him. This book on what you can do for your man When a Woman Loves a Man: Pursuing His Heart, may just help him see you in a new light.
BMWK – What do you think a man means when he says he just wants to be friends? Have you experienced this situation? Share how you handled it in the comments section below!
Up Next: 10 Reasons You’re Trying To Run From A Good Woman
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on Mar. 15, 2017, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
Well, I like the idea behind this…I am married, he is married, we’ve had sex (although he says he made live to me) he told me that he loves me and has for such a long time. We see each other at least once a week…he always ends the meet up with a hug and when we sit in his truck…he is always grabbing onto my thigh and higher…well, that confuses me…as he wants to be “really good friends,” as he calls it…It’s terrible, yet feels so good at the same time…what to do?
All in a nutshell I’ve been knowing someone 25years & the last 12 they have been locked down .. & recently finding out they will be released in a few months ..I’ve been in that part of his life for 8-9years in & out back & forth for obvious reasons .. so with him coming home some i brought to his attention about building a real relationship, but I’ve been shot down with “he just want a good friend” with the sex benefits of course until he’s established & stable , but haven’t i already been your good friend without the sex over these last 8-9 years so why not put your trust into someone that you already know so they can help You become stable & established but hey maybe i dodged a bullet
So my ex boss and i have been flirting and recently went on a dble date with a mutual friend and she told me he dont want a relationship just fwb but thinks i do so i cleared the air with him. Then he told her that he hasnt tried to have sex with me because it wasnt the right time and didnt have that vibe.im not sure but i dont think hes interested at all anymore just wish hed tell me but we still talk.what should i do
We were in contact for roughly 2-3 weeks. Everything seemed fine, I think we shared the chemistry, texting was cute- touch of flirting and teasing. Then silence from him for 1 day, he messaged me back saying he felt bad for talking to two people at the same time. He got introduced to another girl by his friend, he told me he still likes me, was interested in me. Asked me to be friend and see how things go…
I liked him enough to stick around (I’ll also keep my option open) but I thought of the chances of me and the other girl.. I think she has more chances to be with him than I do. They both have mutual friends, seems like she lives closer to him. I live an hour drive from where he is.. I don’t think it’s a big deal breaker but I also notice he kept on mentioning “Why are you so far” I think it’s an indicator of him not wanting more or keep going with me.
I replied to his message within an hour, I wished him best luck with the other girl. I didn’t mention about remaining as a friend with him. I think time would reveal everything and if one of us do reach out to each other.. I wouldn’t mind. I think cutting contact completely is the best option for me to realize thing and for him to restore his feelings and figure out his intention. I was kinda sad but things recover really fast as nothing else build up and got me attached.
Sometimes and most of the time- walking away is the best option ladies.
Yes can you believe a 64 year old man is still saying he just wants to be friends. We have known each other for about 9 years & for the past 8 months we seem to have gotten much closer (so I thought). Although, I’m not looking to get married it would be nice to have a committed relationship but when he said we are friends at his age (not to mention I almost 60 myself). I know he is not looking for a commitment with me. Friends it is & not friends with benefits.
Hello mates, how is everything, and what you would like to say concerning
this post, in my view its genuinely amazing in favor of me.
After 3 years of dating and saying I love you……. he said he doesn’t want to be married.. though I never hounded him… nor mentioned it.. he said that he was ok with being not married.. he told me a story that didn’t make sense… so I figured it had to do something with another woman that he had feelings for… I appreciated the honesty but I am walking away from all this… I am doing it in silence… so when he doesn’t hear from me
he will know I am ok with walking away….. I don’t want to no longer waste my time…..
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