By Lisa D. Daniels
Residue – something that remains after a part is removed, disposed of, or used; remainder; rest; remnant. –Dictionary.com
I was recently having a conversation with a guy friend, whom I have known for many years. And the subject of sex before marriage arose. I shared with him that I have been celibate for the past seven years and am committed to remain so until I am married.
Much to my chagrin, my friend shared his thoughts on why he believed this commitment was not such a good idea. He opined, “Many people at some point while dating become fully aware as to whether or not they are going to marry the person they are dating, therefore engaging in premarital sex is completely acceptable; it also prevents (for lack of a better way to phrase it) performance disappointment after marriage.”
Although I found my friend’s thoughts and commentary on the subject typical of a non-believer, they were disturbing nonetheless. After giving a gracious ear to his thoughts, I decided I would simply state my belief in God’s promise found in Proverbs chapter 18, verse 22, which assures when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing. This confirms for me my marriage will be of God and ALL that encompasses my marriage will be good–including the sex. Amen?! Amen.
After the conversation ended, a few thoughts came to mind. The first being my friend’s statement about “knowing” when you are going to marry a person, which makes having sex with that person (while not married) acceptable.
So naturally, my second thought was a reflection of the number of past flames, whom I knew at the time without a shadow of doubt were the “ones” (SMH).
I believe wholeheartedly the act of sexual intercourse produces a oneness (1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 16) between two people that is simply not intended for the unmarried.
Think about it. After you lie with a man skin to skin and share as intimate a moment as possible, you’re done, right? If you don’t get pregnant or contract an STD, you walk away from that interaction free and clear, right?
Not so fast. Scientific studies indicate that seminal fluid contains a variety of hormones (approximately 30 different ones per individual), which upon being deposited into the female body, remain there for approximately 15 hours before being absorbed into the blood stream. This process literally alters a woman’s body chemistry. Simply put, you have absorbed his DNA.
Sexual intercourse is the process of two becoming one (spiritually and physically) in a very real and concrete way. This statement is backed by science as well as scripture… “and the two shall become one flesh’ so then they are no longer two, but one flesh,” says Mark chapter 10, verse 8.
Now, imagine this act, taking place over a period of years with multiple partners. Who are you? Who have you become?
After becoming aware of this information, I realized that if I had never become a committed believer and follower of Christ, I would still be seven years celibate because living any other way leaves a nasty residue.
A part of a woman’s preparation for marriage is (or at least should be) the purging process. And because I trust and believe there is a man God has ordained especially for me, it is the desire of my heart that he not have to come in contact with the residue (and I mean that literally) of any other man I have “known”.
Although our union has yet to take place, I choose to love, honor and respect him as though our life as one has already begun. Simultaneously, I choose to love, honor and respect myself as a single woman who is committed to loving God and His Kingdom.
I praise God for the seed that is His word (spiritual) as well as the scientific data (natural), which has produced this effortless change in my thought process and aided me in attaining a heightened level of respect for my body (the temple in which the Holy Spirit dwells – 1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 19).
Lisa D. Daniels is a writer living in Chicago. Daniels writes an inspirational blog, which shares messages based on life experience interwoven with scriptural validity with all whom desire to see God’s love in “real life”.