I recently came across 20 Questions You Should Ask Before You Get Engaged by Bishop T. D. Jakes. As I began to scan the list, in my mind some of the questions really needed to be asked when you first meet someone.
In today’s society, people are having sex before they know their partner’s last name. Maybe if they knew the answer to a few pre-qualifying questions, they would put sex on the back burner. I am sure the answers to the following questions would cause people to slow down:
- Do you know your HIV/AID status? If so, what is it?
- Do you have any sexually transmitted disease?
- What is your sexual orientation?
- Are you interested in a relationship?
- Have you ever been arrested and do you have a criminal record?
I am sure if people asked these initial questions, a lot of one night stands would never take place. If the answer to one of these questions, would deter your decision; then don’t you think you deserve to know the answer too many more questions prior to expediting your relationship?
Make sure they are worthy of your time before you give them your heart.
Here are some questions from Bishop Jakes list; as well as questions I tweaked or added, for you to ask while dating. I believe you need to know this information and more prior to discussing a monogamous relationship, let alone an engagement.
- What are your expectations of our relationship? What are your expectations of our roles in this relationship?
- What are your spiritual beliefs? How do you cultivate your spiritual relationship i.e. prayer, worship, etc.?
- Do you believe in celibacy? Are you willing to be celibate?
- What was your last major relationship like? How long did it last? Why and when did it end?
- Do you desire marriage? Why do you think you are still single?
- Do you keep in touch with your ex’s?
- What secrets do you keep? Do you trust me to keep them too?
- What are your most prized possessions? Would you trust them in my care?
- Have you been involved in an abusive relationships?
- What was your childhood like? (With this conversation, gingerly ask about abuse or molestation)
- What is your relationship like with your mother and father? What is your relationship like with your family?
- Do you have children outside of marriage? If so, what is your relationship with your children and their mother/father?
- Do you want children? How do you feel about disciplining children? What roles and responsibility do you see each parent playing in a child’s life?
- How do you perceive the roles of a husband and wife? What are your expectations of each of these roles?
- What role do you see your parents, siblings and extended family playing in your relationships?
- How do you handle disagreement and disappointments?
- When married; what is your vision for your family? Where would you like for your family to be in ten or twenty years?
- How satisfied are you with your current career? What are your future career goals and objectives?
- What is your debt-income ratio? Do you have a debt freedom plan? Do you have savings and investment accounts? What is your money mindset?
- What are your dreams and goals?
- What is your future life plan?
- Is there any need or desire for a prenuptial agreement?
- Do you have a will or a living will? Can we discuss it?
- What annoys you the most about me? What do you enjoy the most about me?
- What do you desire the future of our relationship to be?
Honestly, there is not enough space to list all of the questions to ask, but at least these questions will hit the surface on a few key areas and get you started. Choose to take the time to really get to know the person before you. Make sure they are worthy of your time before you give them your heart.
BMWK which questions will you ask in your relationship? Would you be apprehensive about asking any of these questions?