Can you imagine finally getting your life back on track? You’re exercising again, you’ve reconnected with friends and family, and you’ve even started focusing on your goals.  You’re finally focusing on you and addressing the pain of your past relationships.  And then you decide to take your ex back and all of the work that you have been doing slowly fades away as the two of you slip back into your old patterns of dysfunction and unhappiness.

Does this sound familiar?  It does to me because I’ve lived it.  In the past, I’ve gone through getting enough strength to end an unhealthy relationship, and to rebuild my life, only to let one moment of nostalgia and emotions influence my decision to return to the relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for reconciliation.  But before you decide to take your ex back, there is one thing you should think about….your P.E.A.C.E. – Peace of mind earned after courageous efforts. Let’s break that down:

Peace of Mind – there is nothing like the peace of mind that you have when the anxiety, angst, the sadness, and the insecurities of a bad relationship is over. You might not be totally over the situation or even happy yet. But you have some peace and stability in your life.

Earned – you have to earn your peace of mind.  It does not come easy. It’s going to take a lot of determination to work through the pain of losing a relationship and get to the point where you are putting your life back together.  But please know it’s worth it.

After – Your peace of mind will come after you’ve gone through the storm. You can’t stay where you are and get your peace of mind. You will have to experience the pain and discomfort of change.

Courageous – So many people go back to bad relationships because they are scared.  They fear change, they’re scared of being alone, they’re scared of what’s coming next in their lives.  It takes courage to work through the pain of losing a relationship and putting your life back together again.

Effort – It’s going to take work in order to earn your peace of mind.  It’s not going to come easy.  And before you let anyone back into your life, you need to make sure that they, too, have put in the work.

Disturbing the Peace

Once you’ve put actions in place to obtain your peace of mind, don’t let anyone come along and disturb your peace. I’m all for reconciliation and for keeping families together.  But you need to put in the work so that you are not repeating the same dysfunctional cycles over and over again.  So the next time your ex comes knocking, think about your P.E.A.C.E.  And, don’t make decisions based off of emotions.  Make sure that you’ve both put in the work to ensure that things will different the next time around.