by Delano Squires
By now you might have heard about Slim Thug’s controversial comments regarding black women and the reasons they supposedly have problems finding quality black men. To make a long story short, it included some of the tired, recycled arguments about the sources of black womens’ relationship struggles: unrealistic standards, excessive materialism, etc. Apparently this is what keeps black women from finding good men”“men like Slim Thug, I assume. To be fair, the rapper-turned-relationship expert did talk about the need for relationships to be 50-50 arrangements, but he failed to mention any of the things men should do to help make that a reality. Putting his misguided, ill-reasoned, and racially stereotypical rant aside, the rapper brought up some issues that deserve further discussion, if only for the simple reason that they reveal attitudes that hinder people from successfully building productive, mutually beneficial relationships.
Slim Thug prefaces his comments about black women with the revelation that successful black men are nearly extinct and that black women need to work hard for the few successful men that remain. The rapper proceeds to talk about his brother, whose white girlfriend “does what he says” and doesn’t “give him any problems”. Nowhere did Slim Thug discuss what he brings to his own relationship or how he shows support for his girlfriend. He did mention that she is Ivy League-educated, but that was an afterthought and of secondary importance to her obedience and culinary skills. Men who desire women that quietly obey their commands have a deep sense of insecurity, and women who subject themselves to these types of relationships have a distorted perspective of their self-worth. Furthermore, that type of attitude demonstrates that both parties are missing one of the most important aspects of any meaningful relationship: the privilege of encouraging your partner to grow and become a better person. Relationships are one of the most effective vehicles for growth because our partners act as a mirror, often showing us areas where we need to mature. It is easy to think you are perfect if the only voice you listen to is your own. Being with someone who fails to hold us accountable for our actions and words, or challenge us to chase our goals and dreams, deprives us of one of the most personally rewarding benefits of a committed relationship. Relationships are about teamwork, and successful teams are composed of players who play to their full potential and motivate one another to do the same.
No man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who emasculates him and tears him down, but it is not a woman’s place to make a man feel like a man. No woman should have to feel the pressure of having to constantly stroke her partner’s ego in order for him to realize what he should already be. In the book How to Love A Black Woman, Dr. Ronn Elmore states that men should get used to applauding and affirming themselves and that our partner’s applause should be a fringe benefit, not the fuel that is needed to live our lives. This doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with desiring verbal affirmation and praise from your partner, but it does mean that it is unrealistic to think that you will be praised for every single positive action you take. A man should have a clear perspective on his identity and purpose before considering a serious relationship because relationships are one of the few places where the normal rules of mathematics do not apply. In relationships, two halves do not equal one whole. Two wholes, in the form of two people with healthy self-concepts and identities, are necessary for a relationship to be healthy and whole. I have the feeling that a lot of black women would gladly support men who demonstrate they would be supportive and appreciative of them, but any man looking for someone who merely obeys orders and celebrates his every move doesn’t need a woman ““-he needs a dog .
BMWK, what do you think of Slim Thug’s comments? Have you ever encountered someone with a similar mindset? Can this type of thinking be changed?
Delano Squires is currently a graduate student in Race, Ethnicity, and Public Policy at the George Washington University. His focus is contemporary African American culture, urban education, and child development. Follow him on Twitter @Mr_Squires.
The sooner we ignore these “busters” (by not speaking on them) and focus on the positive black relationships we do have, the better off we will be.
Honestly, imagine the impact his comments have now that MOST black news and medio outlets have spoken out about this dood.
Now imagine the impact his comments would’ve had is NOBODY said anything, and just brushed his comments off our shoulders.
“The squeaky wheel gets the grease!”
.-= Brotha Tech´s last blog ..Tech Wedding =-.
I don’t agree with Slim Thug, and personally, I had never heard his comments. I have had some experience working with single black men and women and the problem seems to stem more from image and expectations, rather than “having too much mouth.” Black women, honestly are not taking care of theirselves (ourselves). We need to come out of the beauty salon, and get in the gym. Come out of the Bar & Grill and go to a salad bar.
We can’t get a good education, good job, have a kid or two and let ourselves go, thinking that successful black men are going to still be attracted to us. Men are visual, and the more successful men tend to also be in better shape. You have to take care of yourself inside and out. There’s nothing wrong with a woman with curves, but many of us, simply don’t take care of ourselves.
I may catch backlash for this, but we are also waaayyy too picky. We discount quality men for the smallest reasons. No one is perfect, and if you talk to any older couple who has been married for 20, 30 or 40 years, the wife will tell you that her husband was not perfect when she met him, and that it was a process getting to where they are today. We want a man to be perfect from day one, and it’s unrealistic. Especially, when we are so far from perfect.
Completely agree w/ u AJ. Not married, but I don’t wanna wait til post-pregnancy to reminence on the body I “once” had to invoke a better, healthier lifestyle. Gotta make the healthy life decisions NOW!
As for Slim Thug–So tired of men wanting all the honor of being men, but none of the responsibilities. What he described is not a relationship. I believe I’m dating a “slim thug”–he has that entitlement issue, calls me over-opinionated & is use to women picking up the bill. While, I have no problem paying & reversing roles (he cooks sometimes), how do I get him to show his appreciation and stop making excuses for his manhood.
Women treat men how we would like to be treated. That’s 50/50. Not this one-sided Slim Thug foolish theory.
I can’t pay any attention to someone that calls himself slim thug or that thinks a white woman is more caring and supportive than a black woman. All of the “fact” of why black womam aren’t married are for the birds.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Another Bonkers Night Out =-.
rofl i have fallen and cant get up, that slim guy is a relationship expert!!! lol lol omg lol Jesusssssss i cant stop laughing at this bonafide fool!!!! and all the fools who listen to him!!! @ brothatech you are so right if we ignore this fool he will stop spewing his ignorance. the only thing he said that was true was woman need to stop paying 3gs for a purse and driving a ragedy car. any woman black or white with any sense in their head educated or not will never be a slave to any man and thats what this cat wants. an old fashioned slave that says yes massuh and no massuh, ima cook yo vitfles rite now massuh,lemme wash yo tale massuh,you aint gotta beat me massuh i’s ready for sum humpin’ any time you say massuh!!!! i think he has smoked one too many blunts and used up his very last few brain cells. can someone please unplug this cat, life support(the idiots who listen to him) is all thats keeping him alive!!!!! @ delano thanks i needed this laugh this morning!!!! lol rofl i still cant get up!!!!!
As long as there are the women that fit the criteria this type of man desires, then this type of thinking will always be around. His views are not balanced and trying to give an overview without mentioning what he himself brings to the table, tells me, his relationships are probably not built on love. Love gives, Lust takes.
Like many immature young men, Slim Thug suffers from a delusion about what a real woman is. I’m sure his mother is not the type of woman he’s looking for, and most women are not. The accommodating, acquiescing women to whom he refers are simply denying their own desires and values in order to reap the ‘benefits’ of dating a man with money. On the other end of that spectrum are confident, self-assured, self-reliant women who want to share their lives and broaden their perspectives. These women seek relationships that allow them to be themselves and allow their partners to do the same. I agree with Delano that shallow relationships that revolve around one person do not yield growth. This goes for men who want their partners to be a maid/cook/sex toy as well as for women who want their men to be an ATM.
Slim Thug also seems to think that successful black men are only those who make lots of money. First of all, his financial status is temporary and based upon album sales and tours, which are not going to last forever. Secondly, money does not make a man successful. Successful black men surround us; they are not as rare a breed as the media (and Slim Thug) would have us believe.
So our problem is that we don’t cook/clean enough, have our own minds, and don’t have less than 10% body fat? Anything else? Maybe that we weren’t born with straight hair? Or that we weren’t born to serve and meet the visual and gastronomic needs of every man on the planet?
I haven’t the slightest idea why we are listening to a man who calls himself “Slim Thug” when it comes to relationships. Bad enough we’re looking to thrice-divorced Steve Harvey for relationship advice, but now we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for C-list rappers to tell us what we’re doing wrong?
No thank you.
Slim Thug’s comments: ignorance at its best! Don’t have time to spar with close-minded folk.
@ nikki m i mos def agree that successful men are all around,i am married to one @ gina steve harvey is funny,slim thug is the but of the joke!!!!
He should stick to being a barely talented rapper.
Honestly, I can’t even take his words seriously, so I’m forced to believe this is a publicity stunt to get his name thrown back into the mix. What’s next? A syndicated radio show? A book? A Nightline segment? Bite me.
I am SO OVER this “black women need to do this in order to snag one of the few good black men left” conversation. Talk about continuing to beat a dead horse! If Slim Thug’s girlfriend is so “down” for him, why has he yet to marry her?
I totally disagree with Slim Thug’s assessment of the situation… BUT to be perfectly honest, being someone in the entertainment business, I can understand his position. I can say that I have seen what he is talking about, a lot of what he’s expressing and feeling is relative to his profession and chosen lifestyle. The Street Thug/Hip-Hop/Urban/Misogynistic culture of ours breads this and makes it attractive and valuable. Until we collectively start to change what our society values, it’s only gonna get worse..
Mr. Delano Squires are you a pastor? I’m about to send you an offering for this article (laughing out loud). You do not understand how long I have been on some of things you mentioned in this article. I am just speechless. I am posting your article on my dialogues page on facebook. Thank you so much.
Alexis Michelle
“Changing Lives One Mind At A Time”
I think the more we ignore this madness, it will fade away. These same illogical, ignorant, misogynist rants cheapens the lives of not only black women but of the black community. Elijah Muhammad said that, “No nation can rise greater than its woman.” So if that is true, then Slim Thug can be no better than the general state of black women. Does he have a black mother, black aunts, black sisters? I mean really most of these men have constipated mindsets, probably small penises, they are probably struggling with their homosexual tendencies, and they have huge insecurity issues.
.-= Nwenna Kai´s last blog ..Welcome =-.
Read this
Wow. Just…wow.
I can’t even begin to go into how flawed his logic is or hurtful his comments are, but I will say this – thank you for offering a varied perspective.
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..I guess everything – whether its ice cream or a hard morning – is better when were together. =-.
P.S.
“In relationships, two halves do not equal one whole. Two wholes, in the form of two people with healthy self-concepts and identities, are necessary for a relationship to be healthy and whole.”
Loved that!
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..I guess everything – whether its ice cream or a hard morning – is better when were together. =-.
I really can’t pay any attention to his comments. Like, it didn’t even get me upset. I kind of just let out a sigh of irritation. Perhaps if he was a credible man, with some decency, hey, even a flourishing career, something to give him weight….but he has NONE! And luckily I’ve come across several men who TOTALLY DISAGREES with his comments. There is nothing appealing about a man who is so weak and self-conscious that he needs a women to constantly reaffirm his “manhood!” I always say “I want a man who confident in himself to be a man, no coaching from me necessary.”
And I’ll close with “Slim thug who?!”
P.S. This sudden wave and spotlight on Black women and our [media imposed] shortfalls is getting alittle played. If no credible solutions are being offered, let end this discussion and move on to more important things.
Good Evening.
This is the second time I have run across information regarding Slim Thug’s comments about Black Women. I was a bit taken aback by S.Thug’s comments…it seemed like some antiquated thinking to me, and I can’t remember hearing this type of stuff since the days of Dennis Rodman (former NBA Basketball Player).
I understand that there is reportedly a decline in suitable black men, for we sisters, but if S.Thug, or any other man that ascribes to S.Thug type thinking believes that women are to accept what they can get, cook dinner, and get somewhere and sit down – well, how can I put this delicately…THEY ARE DELUSIONAL.
In my opinion only someone severely insecure would even suggest such ridiculous rules for Black Women to follow. We Black Women have so many standards (spoken and unspoken) that some in the Society think we need to conform to…well, I am only interested in being me…and if any man that I date and I don’t see that we are a good fit for each other – we simply part ways, but Black Women don’t have to do the things that S.Thug suggests. Real relationships are going to have difficulties that come up, and if S.Thug is not emotionally equipped to deal with bumps in the road maybe he should seek some counseling or something to help him deal with real relationships. Love should be unconditional, and if he is controlling to the degree he speaks of in the article…I feel sorry for the person is dating. He states that she went to an Ivy League school, but he also states that women should “do what men say” and “not give men any problems.” THIS IS RIDICULOUS. In this world we are going to have conflicts, disagreements, and such, but things can be worked out. I don’t understand S.Thug’s mentality…yet it is clear that he is insecure. If he can’t handle a real relationship, maybe he shouldn’t be in one.
I would be interested to know what his girlfriend thinks of all of S.Thug’s foolish talk.
I think S. Thug should stick to his day job, and stop spreading the foolishness. I personally don’t think he is in the position to tell Black Women what they should do…he apparently has no respect for us, is not interested in dating black women, yet has suggestions for us to take to “Get a Man.” Michael J. said it best…”Beat it.”
Great comments and observations from everyone. I think people who enter committed relationships concerned only with what they can get from their partner set their relationships up for colossal failure. A better question to ask is “what am I ready to give?” Selfishness is relationship-poison but selflessness has healing qualities. That’s why I’m not surprised that the Slim Thugs of the world feel they can’t find good women; sometimes it’s our bad motives and habits that contaminate our relationships.
@Alexis Michelle: I’m not a pastor but my faith does influence my perspective on these issues…and I do look at Jesus’ love as a model for other relationships…but thanks for the love.
Since the time of Cleopatra, black woman that are wise, strong and independent have always been seen as a” problem”. I am divorced for many years and I have been dating for while. It seems to me that black men see black strong women as threat more than a parnter. I read the comments made by Slim Thug and the only thing that I wonder is what does he thing of his own mother?
As proud black mother of four amazing children I am pray that I raise my young men to examine and create a great life for themselves and to be positve. Young black men that have respect and honor are a rare breed. Bleck women since the 1960’s and previous have had to “hold down the fort” and have had no choice but to step up and become role mothers for many men that have been abandoned by their fathers.
As a single woman I dont’ have settle to man that is disrepestful, a cheater and a liar. How can you kiss me and then kiss someone else and call that love? My grandparents were married 56 yrs not because they had to be but, because of the love they shared for each other that grew daily. It’s ashame that this young man (Slim Thung) has so much hatered and ill-will for the same race he was born from, a black woman. I am edcuated and sucessful, yet I am will be be submissive for the man who submits to my needs and wants.. See I want a man to want me not, need me and vice versa.
So I think thinking before you speak is important and if you don’t have that skill set then go back to school and learn it before you put nonsense out to the press. Slim Thug apparently did not realize the impact or insult he was putting out before he decided to publish his comments… THINK YOUNG MAN, THINK
my daughter is friends with a young black man who is clean shaven and keeps his hair clean,his clothes dont sag,clothes are cleaned,very respectful,never disrespects females or himself,this is her friend and he is constantly belittled and berated because he does not walk or talk like most of the kids in school. he is called white boy wanna be,gay,etc and she and he and i dont understand what is up with that attitude towards him. must he disrespect woman,show his draws and walk around listening to music that would make some of us blush in order to be accepted.?
@Mr. Delano…you are welcome.
AM
Unfortunately, I have heard these kinds of comments before from young, ignorant black men who are dealing with the aforementioned insecurities and immaturity. One of the men I’m referring to – married a hispanic girl and was unfaithful the entire time. They feel the resolution is finding a woman who won’t give them any lip. The resolution is finding themselves and what’s missing in their lives. Why do they prefer such a domicile partner, where’s the reciprocation in their own relationship. First of all, I can’t be upset with comments from someone who refers to himself as “Slim Thug” – are we really expecting anything legitimately articulate and logical from this person? Second, the constant debates between each other about why we treat each other a certain way should be addressed from within. Why do we have issues with our own self worth? Why do we – black men and women – feel the need to validate ourselves with what we wear and drive? Why do we depend on entertainers to determine how we approach each other, love each other and treat each other. If Snoop “don’t love them hoes” why do so many young men feel they should take on the same mentality? We have so many external factors working against our progression as a people…as a family…as productive members of society that it’s a wonder we’re still around trying to make it! But that’s just it people! We’re so much more than what we are portrayed as – we don’t have to buy into it. I believe it starts at home. Our self-esteem comes from our adolescence experiences. We need to start the reverse of this way of thinking at home with our kids, or be a mentor or volunteer to assist with kids at the impressionable age. Help them to realize their potential – especially young black men. Discuss the benefits of waiting before they begin having relations (so glad I waited at least until after graduating high school). I have also noticed the very vast contrast in how young black boys are being brought up in comparison to young black girls. In my experience – a lot like my female black friends – it was preached to me on a constant basis to get an education, to gain independence, to go after my dreams and to not let any man hold me back. Not bad advice but not the same advice I saw my brothers receive. They didn’t get much preaching and when they did, it was more about “don’t bring me home any babies”. There was more leniency in the household rules and no real discussion on how to treat a woman. I’ve witnessed my own mother baby her son and then wonder why he’s not resourceful and more independent. I say STOP! Treat both girls and boys the same! Give them the same burden of responsibilities to do something with their lives! Moms show these boys how to take care of themselves so their not looking for a domicile woman to do everything without complain…that’s what I call a Mom, not a girlfriend, fiancee or a wife. I say all this confusion can be combatted at home if we are paying attention and preaching positive affirmations.
Brotha Tech, you took the words out of my mouth.
We are having a dialogue about Slim Thug’s view on black women. When Slim Thug gets married, then he can come holla at me.
I think some of us are forgetting the kind of environment Slim Thug is in. He was probably being pretty generous with his comments believe it or not. The stories are true. He is in an industry that attracts the worst of the worst of both men and women. Perhaps he shouldnt have extrapolated his experiences to the general population but we cant exactly call him a liar. He is just dealing with a subset of people that none of us would want to be associated with.
@Fran,
I can only offer my sympathy. Your question is an important one. Most black men are just regular guys. The black community has a tendency to give all of its love and affection for the exceptions, be they the trouble makers or the “ballers.” Regular black men have a lot of pressure on them to be members of the aforementioned binaries. I can say that as a black woman, there is far more expectations for me to just be a regular person than there is for black men. No one expects me to either be a super star or a felon.
I think the black community needs to give more support, love, and attention to the regular 9-5 black men that we encounter everyday.
I don’t recall hearing his comments and really don’t want to.
This doesn’t sound like a 50-50 relationship (his brother & his educated white girlfriend. So what will happen if she one day does not do what he says and gives him a problem. When the heck did Slim Thug become a relationship expert. Is he in a relationship, if so, if can’t possible be with a black woman who knows her self worth.
What a wonderful insightful article, I truly appreciate your thoughts on the subject. You just keep allowing Jesus to be your example along with the Godly examples that your were privileged to witness, that shaped you into the person you are. May God continue to bless and keep you.
i haven’t read all the comments but I’ve read enough. i agree with delano.EVERYONE seems selfish including slim thug. and u don’t see enough christian views. I wouldn’t take any advise from a rapper, i don’t care who he is. u don’t care how many albums he bad sold. They are ENTERTAINERS. its not real people. the problem is no ones knows what a good woman is and no one knows what the definition of a good man is. every comment i saw was an opinion. what does God say a good man is and what does God say a good woman is. a good mate is someone who loves you. if you love a person you will serve that person, husband or wife. you have to be a Godly man in order to be a good man. if not, you’re just a worldly man. and if you are a woman and you have an attraction to an ungodly man, well there is your very first problem. you need to understand God’s love before you can truly love someone else.
now for women, i think the ideal woman is misunderstood. what a man really wants and needs is not necessarily someone that will take instructions. its someone that can push, or help a man reach higher heights. but It’s all about team work.
and for men, we need to show more love and respect for that woman. we have to realise that they are there to help us, not for us to dog out.. its not about ordering someone around to make yourself feel like a king. if you treat her like a queen, she will treat you like a king.
To answer the question, my philosophy is this: if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. I am a black woman, but Mr. Thug most certainly wasn’t talking about or to me. I pray that his words were not received as the ambassador statements of black america, and judging by these comments, they were not. His commentary was totally irrelevant to my psyche and that of most of the black women I know.
Very well written, Delano. Slim Thug doesn’t speak for me also. The sad part is that his misguided and ignorant message isn’t only distributed on blogs but its sold for $15 a pop on CD.
Like his music, possibly he attracts women without any real substance so in someways what he is saying may be partly true in HIS eyes and his experience. Bascially, you get back what you give out.
General Questions to the BAMWK community:
SlimThug may not be speaking for you or about you but if you are honest, you can likely see many people in your world that share his distorted view of black men, women and relationships. This BAMWK community is about supporting and nurturing healthy, loving black relationships – both yours and others.
IMO, it is too easy to say we should ignore or dismiss his comments. Can we honestly say that at some point in our dating & relationship life, we have not shared misconceptions about what it takes to make healthy relationships work? If we can evolve and mature, surely someone like SlimThug can too. If you are truly committed to the growth of black relationships, what can you do -aside from posting a blog comment- to encourage the SlimThugs [male & female] in your world to reflect on, or reconsider a more enlightened view of their personal responsibility within black relationships? What opportunities do you have to use this moment for the highest good? How can you shift the impact that his comments will have into a positive place?
In short, what can happen when those who have moved closer toward a place in life, reach back to offer guidance, support, and a different perspective to those who aren’t there yet?
Truthfully I do not care what anyone thinks about me because God has made me…me! That was very wrong what he said but he is not the only one that is thinking ignorant. I do cook, clean and cater to my husband but it is my choice because I love to do it! As well as he loves to provide, protect and spend time with his family. These are the roles we play in our relationship but we do not take it for granted because, I have my days where I be like baby I need a break could you make dinner and even if its a frozen pizza…I still am grateful for him dong it for me. And the crazy t hing about it is my soon to be husband isnt wealthy and he loves rap music but he loves his family to death so not all the good black men left have a professional careers. I rather have the love and companionship than a lot of dough to buy a brand new car and a touch screen cell phone (I am cool with our 2002 suv and gravity keyboard phone by tmobile lol)
@L.P.H.S.F.
I hear what you are saying and I get the whole “each one teach one” thing. but to summarize my main man W.E.B. “Webby” DuBois:
“Some of y’all kneegroes gonna get left behind”
I nominate Slim Thug to be one of those kneegroes. To actually name yourself Slim Thug denotes the level at which you are willing to listen to reason and logic.
So, I would rather accentuate the positive and focus my attention on the brothas who love black women and are committed to holding their ladies up, instead of tearing them down.
.-= Brotha Tech´s last blog ..Fathers Day Tech Gifts =-.
@ BT
“Do you see the consequences of the way we have chosen to think about success? Because we so profoundly personalize success, we miss opportunities to lift others onto the top rung…We are too much in awe of those who succeed and far too dismissive of those who fail. And most of all, we become much too passive. We overlook just how large a role we all play—and by “we†I mean society—in determining who makes it and who doesnt.” — Malcolm Gladwell (Outliers)
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” — Maya Angelou
I wonder where I would be today if others had nominated me to be left behind when I was a more ignorant, immature, and inarticulate version of myself.
Touche’
We will just have to agree to disagree. Cause I think kats like him know better, just choose the stupid route. Ignorance? Sure, i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Stupidity? Well, imma keep it moving and focus on those “…who know not what they do”
.-= Brotha Tech´s last blog ..Fathers Day Tech Gifts =-.
Enviorment does not give you an excuse to be ingornant or make comment, especially when you become a public figure. The bigger picture in all of this is that “Delano” spoke from his heart and soul and I see he took time to think about how a woman should be treated black, white or yellow. It’s unfortumate that we are not praising this young man for standing up for his generation of men who have been “labled” and “targeted” for so long. I love a brother who understands the difference between submissive and just plain down right stupid. My mother always said ” A hit dog will holla”. Thanks Delano for having the vision to see past crap and know that women are not objects but, people that are strong and just as capable. Its like a song I heard ” money can’t buy you class”, Slim Thug is that example. Ashame, ashame so ashame..
Let me put my 2cents in….Honestly Slim made a few points. I mean I don’t agree with the whole white woman knowing how to take care of a man thing. I think that the world has become a little too materialistic… There are alot of black successful woman out there…It’s a known fact that more black woman are going and finishing college and having great career lives. Black man do need to step their game up in that aspect. We need to start taking education more seriously and have the same drive as some of these successful sisters….. With that being said… because of this materialism I think the successful black woman may be looking over the blue collar brotha….. He may not be ballin out of control or have a house in the Hamptons…but his bills are payed and alot of times he is a good man… If you got your own you don’t need his….so stop looking down on the blue collar brotha and find real love…A real relationship is suppose to be built primarily on love anyways right?? A real man is gonna be a real man regardless of if you make more money then him or not…Trust he will know how to lead and dont be afraid to allow him to do so…….Financially is not the only way a good man can take care of you
Just so you all know. Slim Thug has two children with his own cousin.
From my personal experience I wish the black men who dated outside their race would just admit they have a preference instead of using black women as scapegoats. Saying it’s our fault why you date outside your race is utter bullshit. I have yet to encounter a black woman that dates outside of her race because she blames black men (not that they don’t exist I just haven’t met any). The black women I know own up to their preferences whatever they may be. I could care less what outsiders have to say about us, I wish we would love each other and ourselves better. Anything successful that some black people do it seems other black people will single that person out as “whitewashed” or “trying to be white”. It’s in our African nature to be successful, rich (monetarily and spiritually), educated, and loving. You don’t have to have a lot of money to be rich you just have to be smart with your money. The first university in the world is in Africa (Timbuktu).
The majority of our problems is with ourselves. I don’t think we have fully evaluated or even had enough studies done about the psychological damage left over from slavery, apartheid, the violence in the civil rights movement combined with bombarding media images that degrade, disregard and marginalize us.
I find a serious problem we face is that somehow BET and other media outlets project stereotypes about black people and we somehow believe we have to live up to it or it defines us. We are the most diverse race on this planet and have so many different cultures within our race. It’s amazing how many people I encounter that ask me a list of questions because it is odd or even foreign to them that as a black woman:
1. My hair is not short (it is now only because I cut it) or just black or brown–it’s mostly reddish brown. I also almost never wear weave or lacefront (nothing wrong if you do)–people assume my hair is fake and are flabbergasted when they realise it’s real. Then they start asking me if I’m “mixed” as if black women can’t have naturally long hair.
2. I speak well and write like a text book. A teacher once asked me if I plagiarised an essay because the conclusion was “too well written”.
3. I listen to all types of music (People do double takes when they see me blasting Aerosmith or Nirvana “Smells Like Teen Spirit” in my car or even house music). I’ve been told by other black people I listen to white people music too much.
4. I’m a 23 year old college graduate Alumni and I’m single with no children or baby daddy drama. It’s mostly black men who drill me about this. Why? “With a booty like that NOBODY ever tried to breed you?”…so because my rear end is larger than average I should be pregnant or have a child by now because of it? On what planet is that even logical? Also, to say someone BREEDS someone is an insult in my opinion. We are not dogs. The word is impregnate.
5. I don’t live in or grew up in the “hood” or the “ghetto”. Most of the black people I know or met lived in the suburbs too. Lots of black people live in nice neighbourhoods so what’s the big deal?
I truly believe that it is not that people have not met, seen, worked with or spoken to black people who do not fit any stereotypes. I think they’re just mad that they can’t pin stereotypes on the majority of us because how they view the world is limited by their ignorance. It bothers them when they can’t put us in a box.
As black women we need to give the average black man a chance. Don’t believe the hype. A man does not have to be ballin outta control. If he takes you out, holds the door, pulls out your chair, treats you with respect, makes you smile, makes you laugh, respects your family, listens when you speak, loves you for you and has proven himself to be responsible and worthy you have a good man to work with. You should reciprocate the same respect to him. Treat him well because it’s usually the ballers who will not respect you or do any of the above. They already feel entitled and all their material possesions are really an extension of their low self-esteem. Anyone who defines themselves with objects that are impermanent and fleeting has issues.
@ A.G.
well said……
I've heard this particular argument before from other rappers, comedians, actors, and athletes: predominantly from an African-American subculture in the entertainment industry. It doesnt come as a surprise but it is rather offensive that anyone would racially belittle his/her own ethnic group based on a blanketed stereotype of a baseless superficial assumptions. Slim Thug deemed unrealistic standards and excessive materialism, among others, as reason why African-American women cannot find quality African-American men. But honestly that role can be pitted inversely as reasons why black man cannot find a quality black woman as seen in his own arguments.
Slim Thug wants a subservient obedient woman who “does what he says†and “wont give any problemsâ€. How unrealistic is that? This sounds like the attitude of a spoiled one sided individual with an entitlement complex. Theres no way youll find a quality mate of any ethnic group with that mindset because anyone who feels they are inferior to you probably has issues with low self-worth and self-esteem. And no real man would take advantage of that; your need for reassurance and masculine approval shouldnt be forcibly taken from anyone but should be conjured from within.