As a parent you have two strong convictions the moment your child is born- the unconditional love you have for your child(ren) and the conviction that you will protect your child from harm by any means necessary. As your child develops into a young adult, your priorities change from giving unconditional love to them but at times having to “put them in their proper place” as a child. The latter is the most difficult because that means that many times you have to be the “bad guy” and punish them””nothing parents like to do. As a parent of a preteen, me and my husband have to scold, punish, discipline and even spank him for undesirable behavior but we always do it out of love.
No matter how furious he makes me, does me “training him up in love” contain, “charging, choking, slamming or beating him with a shoe”””that is cruelty to children.
On Friday morning Mega-church Pastor, Creflo Dollar, was arrested at his home in Fayette County, Georgia for simple battery and cruelty to children. According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, “the pastor and his 15 year old daughter were arguing over whether she could go to a party when Dollar got “˜physical’ with her, leaving her with “˜superficial injuries’. The AJC goes onto report that the lone witness to Friday morning’s altercation, Dollar’s 19-year-old daughter Alexandria, confirmed her sibling’s account, telling deputies their father “put both hands around her sister’s neck and choked her for about five seconds,” according to the incident report.
I have to admit that when I first heard this news as a parent of three, I relished in the news that Creflo Dollar forbade his 15 year old daughter to attend a party at 1:00am. What parent would allow their child to attend a party at in the wee hours of the morning? No parent with an ounce of “parenting sense” would allow that foolishness to go in their house. As a parent I would not even ENTERTAIN the talk to even allow my child to attend the party. However there is a boundary that Dollar crossed when you have to slam, choke and punch a child to get your point across. That wasn’t parenting””that was a wrestling match.
As I thought about the events that the police report detailed, I was appalled that people were praising him for basically having a WWE match with his minor child! Isn’t this the treatment that our ancestors endured in the hands of their slave masters and plantation overseers? Why then would we be happy to do it to a 15 year old child?
Yes, I am sure she deserved to be punished but as a parent we can not discipline out of anger””because it can scar our kids (emotionally) for life. Would we still be applauding these same actions if a woman got out of line with her husband and he wanted to “teach her a lesson”? No, we’d be reporting it as domestic abuse and call for justice. The only difference in this case is that Dollar is a 50 year old prominent pastor in the Atlanta area and his daughter is a 15 year old child.
As a child I was afraid of my mother. Her words alone made me quiver in my feet and I followed all of her instructions to a “tee”; however, there came a point as an adolescent were despite me fearing her I began to “test her boundaries”. I’d mumble things under my breath and many times she’d have to “slap some sense” into me. I’d straighten up but the humiliation of being slapped (in my face) stayed with me into adulthood. Even though I deserved to be disciplined, I could never understand a person who loves you hitting you like a stranger from the “street”.
As I began to have my own kids, my mom and I can now talk about it and she even admits that there was better ways to deal with my disrespect without humiliating me. So when I became a parent over a decade ago, I vowed to never humiliate or hit my children out of anger. Yes, I get angry (even pissed off) by their actions but if I get to that point I step away, calm myself down and either my husband disciplines them or I handle them at a later time. His father and I never hit him in his face, kick or slam him down out of anger. Some things are off limits. We don’t spare the rod but we never discipline them out of anger.
Parents instead of applauding Bishop Dollar and his actions, I say pray for peace between him and his daughter so that they can get past this incident and deal with disagreements differently in the future.
BMWK, do you spare the rod and abuse the child or abuse the child and spare the love?
Daysha says
I agree you don’t discipline out of anger, and Dollar was wrong for choking his daughter, but in the same sense what did she say or do to provoke the anger? I’m not taking sides, but there are two sides to every story, and we don’t know if she kicked at him or shoved him or whatever the case, as an aspiring journalist I have seek both sides of the story. Passing that kind of judgement that he was wrong without all the evidence is immature and foolish. Now to get personal I have a sister and when she would ask my parents can she go somewhere or do something depending on the situation they would say yes, but this particular time she asked to go with her friend ( a girl that my parents did not care for) to the movies and they said “no” well she went ballistic, she cursed and yelled, and even lunged at my (sickly at the time now deceased ) mother, my father out of reflex smacked her down. Now of course the police were called, and they were ready to take my daddy to jail (this happened 12 yrs ago) but from begging and pleading with the police( and not wanting to put a father in jail in front of his children and seeing no other caregiver for my mother) they offered that she go live with my aunt for a while until we got some counseling. Now back to topic, get all facts before calling the man “abusive” or “monstrous”, because she may have done something to provoke it, because if Mr. Dollar hadn’t been in the news before for abuse or domestic violence then its not enough grounds to call him out. However if he did this without provocation then he needs to be locked up and buried under the jail, because had it been another man in the streets that did that to his daughter he would be livid.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
These questions sound an awful lot like what people ask after a woman has been in an altercation with a partner. “Well, what did she did to provoke him? What was her role in all this?” I’m not saying that women/children can do or say anything they please but bottom line – it is never okay for a parent to slap/choke/punch/beat their children. NO MATTER WHAT THE CHILD DID OR SAID. PERIOD.
Daysha says
I highly disagree, because if a child lunges at me as to fight, my natural reflex is to fight and defend myself regardless. Now that more details have came to the story I agree with the others there is something going on in that household that is coming to surface, but I still refuse to believe that when she asked to go out and he said no and he just beat her up; now the other girl could have just heard the commotion and walked in on him hitting and choking her, she doesn’t know what happened prior to her coming in, and as far as the police report goes, who did the police speak to? Did they just speak to the daughter’s? Everything right now is one-sided. Now when it comes to women who has been beaten by a partner, I have to say there are some women who provoke men, and there are some men who need to be thrown under the jail for hitting women. When I say provoke I mean they hitting the man, slapped the man one to many times and pushed him. I have seen women provoke men, men who are not abusive in the least bit, but get with these “little girls” and they put their hands on him, and by reflex he fights back, and no I don’t see anything wrong with that, because just like she has a right to defend herself so does he. People are crazy in society today, people have a right to defend themselves you never know what someone may or may not do.
PurpleJeli says
I agree with Daysha! Any teenage child asking to leave the house to attend a party at 1am has some serious issues that need to be addressed. But his reaction to that incident is what leads me to believe another side of the story has been omitted. If she asked and he said no, that should have been the end of the story as she should have walked back to her room to change and prepare for an evening of popcorn and watching cable tv. However, something happened that made him lash out like that. As a parent, even when I am seriously pissed off, I am still able to control myself because as much as I may want to discipline her by throwing her through a brick wall, she is mine to love and protect and lead by example of how she is to be treated by others. But once you cross the line of disrespect, which MANY children (teenagers) often do, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that you are the adult, this is a child, and the police could possibly intervene. Point blank, there is a side of this story that has yet to be told so please don’t jump to conclusions and ask for Mr. Dollar’s head to be served on a platter. At least not yet!
brian says
I agree with the ladies here. You cannot pass judgement on someone without getting all sides of the story.
[email protected] says
So since the Pastor said it didn’t happen it’s true? What about the 19 year old who gave an account of him hitting, punching and kicking her? Are we really that blind? All because HE said it didn’t happen it didn’t happen? Let’s get real… the girl may have been out of line but at no point is it okay to punch,kick and slam your child!
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
@BossyGirl – I always say that I would never do anything to my children that I don’t want my husband doing to me. So that includes slapping, hitting, punching, choking, kicking, etc. It is never okay and the fact that so many people can justify it or say “oh, let’s wait for the facts”…it really disturbs me.
[email protected] says
This is so true Tara..if he had did this to his wife he’d still be in jail..with no sympathies..
Dianthe says
What’s interesting is that the accounts of Creflo and both daughters are almost exactly the same aside from the beating. The police report states that they had an argument, she walked away and then he followed her. She said she didn’t want to talk and then he initiated more confrontation. Why wouldn’t he just leave her alone?
This is bigger than this one attack. Though something tells me this wasn’t the first. No man should be putting his hands on a 15 year old girl. Period. And of she did in fact have the nerve to ask to go to a party at 1am (though I’ve heard she was actually asking to go to a party at a later date, not at the time the incident occurred), my guess is that his daughter has been on the wrong path for awhile. Which also tells me he lost control of his household a while ago.
Yes. There’s definitely more to the story. This incident is just the tip of the iceberg.
Cheryl says
I agree Dianthe, this behavior indicates that something was going terribly wrong in this household before. I would not be surprised if more details reveal more abuse.
Tiffany says
I don’t agree with Creflo’s actions and no man should be harming his child over a disagreement there are other ways to hand a situation with a child and other forms of punishment that don’t involve hitting.
Daysha says
I agree when the disagreement is strictly verbal, but when the child steps out of his/her place and hits the parent(s) then all talking ends, because the child has now just disrespected the adult and needs to be punished physically, because a balance needs to be reset and children need to be put back in their place.
carrolle says
Spare the Rod—Abuse the Child –
i think this title is inappropriate until all the facts are heard.
This title is something i would expect from one the tabloids—because they pride themselves on sensationalizing things.
Haven’t you seen a police report that’s one sided?
Tell me if your child charged you, what would you do? Let’s wait to hear what really happened. If he’s wrong or if she’s wrong. Let’s wait don’t be so quick to add out 2 cents.
Merry says
This is what I got out of this post ” I say pray for peace between him and his daughter so that they can get past this incident and deal with disagreements differently in the future.”
Keisha says
I agree with Carolle how can you assume you know everything that happened? With today’s youth being spoiled to a point of oblivion and us thinking they will appreciate when in fact they abhorre it you have no idea what happened. Yes, we can say no matter what a child does, but what if that child lunged like an adult. I disagree with attributing this to a woman being a victim because althoughwe tell men never to hit women, I’ve told myself and others don’t you hit if you don’t want to be hit..this is not antiquated women are violent also. But backto a child being reared..don’t judge because if the situation has not happened in your home you don’t know how fast you might react..but stay on your high horse and you might fall too. I’m sure the lap of luxury at least by material standards she isn’t crying about she probably wanted to leave in the car he bought..ijs..my mom told me too when youknow better do better but with all the runaways, children killing each other and disregarding education and authority by anyone..how many stories have we seen where the child kills the parent, guardian and grandparent because they said, “no”.
Lissa says
I don’t believe discipling a child can be compared to abusing a wife; two completely different scenarios. Wife is partner, helpmate, a child is just that a child meant to be trained up into an adult.
Tina says
I agree with Daysha 200%. I have had teenagers (3 girls in particular) who are now young adults with no babies I might add and know first hand the trials that come with that. We need to wait for the full story. People with small children still in the cute stage, who have never experienced parenting teenagers in this day and age need not comment. Your turn will come and the answers you have now will be put to the test. However abuse is NEVER EVER NEVER an option. I don’t think an honest reflex if someone has struck you first constitute abuse but once again we need the full story.
[email protected] says
I’ve raised my teenage niece for the past 10 years..I’ve been through it all. No matter what she did there’s a better way than slamming, choking and hitting a child with a shoe. I’m not against spanking a child but there are limits he crossed. It amazes me that people support this foolishness but when the child comes and sees me in school with bruises and broken then they want to cry and sympathize with the child. Parents have to realize that teenagers are not like teens from years ago. You have to use better methods to parenting–I’ve seen parents beat their children black and blue and still the child acts OUT. There is a better way.
[email protected] says
I’ve raised my teenage niece for the past 10 years..I’ve been through it all. No matter what she did there’s a better way than slamming, choking and hitting a child with a shoe. It amazes me that people support this foolishness but when the child comes and sees me in school with bruises and broken then they want to cry and sympathize with the child. Parents have to realize that teenagers are not like teens from years ago. You have to use better methods to parenting–I’ve seen parents beat their children black and blue and still the child acts OUT. There is a better way.
Tina says
Its NEVER EVER NEVER a OK to abuse a child/teenager. It’s not an option (as I stated above). You are correct in in 1 thing teens are different from long ago. Long ago you probably wouldn’t have teens cursing around adults. If a senior citizen needed a seat it was given. There wasn’t the pants sagging. Oh how I could go on… There is no longer a HEALTHY fear from teens to adults like long ago. And before I’m pounced on for using the word fear, not walking on eggshells fear but I’m not going to rob a store because I fear the police and jail.
Daysha says
I refuse to believe that anyone on here will want to talk out a situation after your child has tried to attack you, save that for the birds. There is not enough facts, the police story sounds one sided and to many errors in this, I’m sorry but it does not mean he is abusive, he may have done an abusive act, but how is he abusive? What if she fought him? and he resisted as much as he could, but everyone has a breaking point.
Neil says
I agree with Daysha. It’s NEVER okay to abuse a child; but from what I’ve read and heard on this……he is NOT an abusive father. Some of these posts are unbelievable……the condemnation. Where any of us there? NO……..Instead of trying to play GOD……how about simply praying for Pastor Dollar and his family.
In our lives……WE ALL need prayer……
Peace,
N