My daughters look up to me. Not only do they look up to me, but they’re always looking at me, and they are always up under me. It’s to the point where I can’t even get dressed alone. They’re in my bathroom, watching me get dressed, trying on my clothes, shoes and jewelry and talking to me the entire time I’m dressing.
You would think all that would be a problem for me. But I actually enjoy our time together (But don’t tell them I said so because I enjoy pretending like it annoys me…it’s our little joke.)
The true problem is I do the most negative self-talking in my bathroom. My belly is too big, my feet are too big, my hair is not right, my clothes don’t fit. You name it, and I’ve probably said it about myself in my bathroom.
So the problem is…my girls are watching, and they are listening.
So the problem is…my girls look and act just like me.
So the problem…my girls are always saying they want to be like me when they grow up.
So what messages am I sending them when I am putting myself down?
And the funny thing is, I’m always telling them how awesome I think they are (inside and out.) And it’s not something I do because I am their mom and I am supposed to build them. I genuinely think my girls are the smartest, funniest and wittiest young ladies in the world.
But, I have to admit, I don’t genuinely think these thoughts about myself—and therein lies the problem. How can I teach them to be self-confident, when I’m not?
So, I’m a work in progress. And whlie I’m working on myself, I’m going to watch my mouth around my girls.
You see, they get exposed to enough negativity in school and on social media. Social media bombards women and girls with messages that are hurtful and destructive to their self-esteem and confidence. Did you know 8 out of 10 women encounter negativity on social media?
“Words can have a huge impact on our self-esteem and constantly talking negatively about our bodies can reinforce the idea that there is only one type of body shape that is beautiful,” says author, University of Southern California professor and body expert Jess Weiner. “It’s a pattern we have to break if we want our daughters to grow up to be confident about the bodies they’ve got.”
This weekend, I had the opportunity to hear New York Times best-selling author, Luvvie Ajayi, lead a panel discussion. She was there on behalf of Dove to share their #SpeakBeautiful initiative. During the panel, they discussed how personal online and offline behaviors can impact and inspire the next generation of girls.
And Luvvie said something that really resonated with me. She said, it’s important for we, women, to know our core values and use that to drive us. Otherwise, social media will create it for us. Without a strong sense of self, we are more susceptible to the negatives messages that confront women on social media.
— BMWK (@blackandmarried) November 4, 2016
I am happy to announce that I have joined Dove in encouraging women and the next generation of girls to turn ugly tweets into positive ones. And I’m getting started today by committing to be mindful of my words and actions, especially in front of my daughters.
— BMWK (@blackandmarried) November 4, 2016
After I attended panel, I headed to the Dove suite at the Blogalicious conference to check out their new line of products like:
- Dove Dry Oil Beauty Bar, which features ¼ moisturizing cream and Moroccan Argan Oil to gently cleanse and care for your skin.
- Dove Dry Spray Antiperspirant, which goes on instantly dry and delivers 48-hours of odor and wetness protection with all the care of Dove for softer, smoother underarms.
- Dove Coconut & Hydration Shampoo and Conditioner, which help rejuvenate strands while leaving them hydrated and protected from dryness.
- Dove Quench Absolute Supreme Crème Serum, which is a fast absorbing, lightweight serum for curls that utilizes a creamy formula to nourish hair for the ultimate shine and manageability.
I’m definitely going to give these products a chance—particularly the Supreme Crème Serum for when me and hubby get ready for our next date night. And if my girls decide to join me again while I get ready, I’ll be sure to assert my newfound confidence. Thanks, Dove!
BMWK – Are you guilty of putting yourself down? Let me know in the comments below. (A recent study published by the Psychology of Women Quarterly found that 93 percent of college women engaged in this type of talk – dubbed “fat talk” – and a third did so regularly.)
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Dove. The opinions and text are all mine.