Dear Dr. Buckingham, I am living a nightmare in my marriage. I recently learned that my husband has been seeing a stripper on the side. Occasionally, he comes home late, but I do not mind because I know that he goes to dance clubs with his friends sometimes. Recently, he came home around 3 a.m. and was wearing a wristband and smelled like perfume. I asked him where did he … [Read more...]
If You Can’t Be Yourself, You Are Probably With the Wrong Man
Few things are as uncomfortable for me as watching a woman, that I love, be someone that I know she’s not when her man is in the room. It bothers me to my core. And I know that when it comes to dating—particularly in the early dates—there is a tendency to put our best foot forward. I actually get that. But that’s not what I am talking about here. I am talking about those … [Read more...]
#SpeakBeautiful – Why I Seriously Need to Watch My Mouth Around My Girls
My daughters look up to me. Not only do they look up to me, but they're always looking at me, and they are always up under me. It's to the point where I can't even get dressed alone. They're in my bathroom, watching me get dressed, trying on my clothes, shoes and jewelry and talking to me the entire time I'm dressing. You would think all that would be a problem for me. But … [Read more...]
3 Hard Lessons Learned When You’re Involved with an All-Talk, No-Action Mate
Relationships are hard work. This is obviously why couples seek out relationship coaches like me. And if you were to ask which particular challenge happens more than any other among my clients, I'd say it's when their partner's actions don't line up with their words. When actions don't align with words in a relationship that can be very problematic—and even toxic in some … [Read more...]
5 Empowering Lessons on Beauty I’m Teaching my Brown Girls
Growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood and often being one of the very few or only black kids in class, I did not consider myself to be anywhere near the standard of beauty. Oh, and if there were any other black kids, I was always the darkest. It took me a really long time (well into adulthood) to really love and embrace who I was, and to define my own standard of … [Read more...]
Master These 3 Traits and You’re Ready for Marriage
You've heard it a million times. Marriage is hard. Marriage is difficult. Marriage takes work. Clichés are clichés for a reason. Sometimes we hear them so often that it's easy to forget the truth they lay out so clearly. The coupling of two worlds into one new, whole, complete, and fully functional mega-world is no easy feat. And like any difficult thing, it takes skill … [Read more...]
Why are We Desperate for Lighter Skin?
I don’t normally write about this topic because I feel there’s already been so much said about it that I don’t need to add to the noise, but after watching this video, I just had to say something. A friend of mine posted a clip of a Cameroonian recording artist named Irene Major being interviewed recently by two talk show hosts in London. The topic of the interview was Major’s … [Read more...]
Can Parents Enhance Their Little Girls Self-Image?
Parents have to worry about so much. On a daily basis, parents have to worry about the safety, well-being, education, and many other factors when it comes to their children. One would have to ask, “What other factors do parents have to worry about? Well, before you create that long list, in enters self-image, another factor for parents to add to their plate of … [Read more...]
4 Ways to Accept a Compliment Without Putting Yourself Down
Why is it so hard for us to accept compliments? Is this just a female thing or do guys have this issue too? I was listening in on a public conversation one day and I heard a lady get offered a compliment. She proceeded to come up with every self put down imaginable when someone simply told her that she looked nice on that day. She immediately responded with, "ya think? I … [Read more...]
9 Easy (and Mostly Free) Ways to Love on Yourself Today
So many of us look for others to show us the same love that we have yet to show ourselves. But how can someone love you more than you love yourself? I’ve learned that you will always attract to yourself who you are. So if you want to attract the right people into your life who will appreciate you, you’ve got to show yourself some appreciation. Here are a few easy ways to … [Read more...]
Don’t Expect Someone to Give You What You Won’t Give Yourself
I know someone who is young and attractive and currently looking for “the one.” She dates a lot and ultimately becomes serious with some guy she’s met, but unfortunately “the one” hasn’t showed up yet. She wants her happily ever after, saying that she is hoping for this wonderful man who will treat her like a queen. There is just one problem; she doesn’t treat herself like a … [Read more...]
Why You Might Keep Falling Victim To Unhealthy Relationships
YUP on another infamous flight I was listening to my IPod and I came across the following lyrics from JCole and I had to speak on it! To all my women with the flaws I know it's hard my darling, you wonder why you’re lonely and your man's not calling...you keep falling victim 'cause you're insecure and when I tell you that you're beautiful you can't be sure. Cuz he don't seem … [Read more...]
What to Do When You’re Feeling “Less Than”
by Bil Mooney-McCoy Back in the previous century, when my son was a toddler, he would build elaborate constructs from Legos. When finished, he would look up and say to my wife or me, “Look at I made!” And we, being the greatest parents ever, would fawn over his creation as he explained that it obviously was a contrabassoon, or an ankylosaurus or a gondola car. (We went … [Read more...]
How Do You Help Your Children Learn Love Their Brown Skin?
Recently Brandy revealed that she struggled to love her brown skin. Her thoughts echoed those of Kelly Rowland who also struggled to do the same. There are countless stories told by women who were once little girls struggling to love themselves. Despite being told that they were beautiful, most often by their parents, they struggled to see their beauty. Despite her … [Read more...]
Accepting Your Child’s Natural Hair Texture
What words would you use to describe your child's hair texture? As you ponder that question think about which descriptive words you will use and consider if those words are positive and uplifting to your child. Thick. Curly. Kinky. Nappy. Coily. Some of these words are accepted and some are rejected. 4a. 3c. 2b. are commonly used abbreviations for a hair typing system that … [Read more...]