YUP on another infamous flight I was listening to my IPod and I came across the following lyrics from JCole and I had to speak on it!
To all my women with the flaws I know it’s hard my darling, you wonder why you’re lonely and your man’s not calling…you keep falling victim ’cause you’re insecure and when I tell you that you’re beautiful you can’t be sure. Cuz he don’t seem to want you back and it’s got you asking, so all you see is what you lacking, not what you packing, take it from a man who loves what you got…baby girl you’re a star don’t let him tell you you’re not!
As a relationship coach you begin to see certain patterns in the situations you coach people through, and this scenario is one I see often. I find that so many times I find people in bad relationships not because that’s what they desire, but because someone has convinced them that that’s all they deserve. Maybe it was a family member or an ex or even a current mate, but for many their worth has been compromised and their value has been depreciated in their own minds.
The biggest ingredient in the recipe to developing healthy relationships and choosing wisely is self-worth. Thus the idea of lacking worth, value, and confidence is dangerous for a few reasons:
1) Makes it easier to settle. When you don’t think you deserve great you will settle for sub-par. You will settle for a piece of a dysfunctional relationship instead of striving for a full healthy one.
2) You will compromise your standards. Instead of building a relationship you will just accept what’s given to you and fall for who shows you attention.
3) You will become resentful and bitter. When we don’t feel good about ourselves we find it hard to be happy with someone else or even for someone else. This leads to many meaningless disagreements and a negative attitude. Neither of these are conducive for building healthy relationships.
4) You become needy and insecure! It’s draining to be with someone who needs constant confirmation. It’s annoying to have to entertain someone who is always fishing for compliments! The conversation usually turns into…
Her: “baby do I look fat?”
Him: “no baby you are beautiful”
Her: “stop lying you are just saying that to shut me up!!!”
Him: “I just can’t win with you…”
That’s one frustrating conversation for a man!
5) You become a target for the wrong men. A recipe for ending up involved with a very controlling man is to present yourself with low value and self worth. Some men prey on women with low self-esteem, not so they can build them up, but because they know they can break them down and take advantage of them. This never ends well!
My Grandmother, Mom, twin sister, and wife have taught me a lot and if it’s one thing that I have grown to respect it’s the value of a good woman. This is why it troubles me when I see so many women fall victim to so many unhealthy relationships and it almost always stems back to value. I have had a call to action to men to become more accountable for how we treat our women, but that is not what this blog is about! This is about starting within and doing what it takes to feel valuable in our own eyes so that we can be valuable in the eyes of others. The best way to create healthy relationship is to start with two healthy people! Let’s make that the goal so that we can choose wisely my friends! The fact is that when you feel better, you treat yourself better, and when you treat yourself better others treat you better!
BMWK Fam what are some of the things that people can do to improve how they feel about themselves/their self worth?