Are you honestly happy with your life RIGHT NOW? If so, CONGRATULATIONS! If not, CONGRATULATIONS in advance because now is a great time to evaluate all the reasons why you are not happy.
Are you lonesome? Dissatisfied? Fearful? Feeling rejected or unworthy? Angry? Harboring regrets? Take a good long look at what you’re REALLY feeling because sometimes we lie to ourselves for so long that we begin to believe the lies; these lies take seed in one form or another.
As I say in my business, you cannot conquer what you are not willing to confront. Now is the time to figure out what’s REALLY making you unhappy and most importantly figure out the much-needed CHANGE!
Be sure to deal with the issues that are making you unhappy before you get into any relationship—and especially a marriage since a marital commitment is lifelong.
Think about it–you can be utterly selfish. Now let me give the disclaimer, utterly selfish while still having a fair regard to others of course. By no means am I advocating being selfish for the sake of being selfish and disregarding others negatively. No not at all! Society along with our upbringing has beat us over the head in saying “don’t be selfish.” Well life has taught me that sometimes you have to be lovingly selfish for yourself and advocating for your personal development. I’m merely advocating this form of “selfishness” for a while to only deal with your needs.
What you may lack in relationship, you gain in space; and space can allow you to heal as YOU see fit. Perhaps you do not feel as though you can face these things alone and know that is normal and alright. You reserve the right to feel how you feel and don’t let anyone tell you differently!
If this is the case, then head for a friend, not a new boyfriend. It’s unfair to expect someone who hardly knows you to work through these things with you. Don’t get me wrong, sure there are people who will. However, I’m saying don’t set your heart on this…rather I’m advocating for you to be your own hero!
It’s almost impossible for him to give you the honesty you will need. A good friend, however, knows you well enough to not only encourage you but really help you and provide insight from an honest and loving perspective. Don’t doom a new relationship by turning dinner into a counseling session. You know the ones I’m talking about as I’m sure you’ve heard the horror stories too.
Begin to LOVE you FIRST…KNOW this does not mean you are selfish!
The crucial point here is to comprehend that the most important element to finding happiness is finding peace with you. If your opinion of yourself is healthy, you are much better equipped to face various challenges the world throws at you. If you have low self-esteem (if you do, you are not alone ,so don’t be hard on yourself; there is hope and I encourage you to reach out to me), the first thing you need to realize is that you can’t keep looking to other people to validate your being. You must get to a place where you LOVE YOURSELF, by yourself if you’re going to contribute to making a relationship a success.
If you rely on anyone else other than you, you’re putting a lot of power into the hands of another person.
The way we value ourselves rules the way we treat ourselves…
I tell my clients we have to look at: how we view success and failure, the choices we make, the people we spend time with and how we allow those people to treat us. You have to respect yourself in order to get respect from others. The road to self-esteem can be a long one, and old scars can make the journey seem almost impossible. Once you are in a place where you love yourself and value yourself for who you are, then you are in a great position to be HAPPY IN LOVE…whether that is loving yourself in singlehood or marriage.
You will be better prepared to make a good choice of partner and better equipped to be a good partner. The one person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with is YOU! So, if you want to be happy for rest of your life, then the time to make peace with yourself is now. CHEERS AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU LOVING YOU!
BWWK, are you blaming your unhappiness on someone else?
Did you think marriage would bring happiness to your life? While it can, it’s not solely responsible. Read Part I of this post here about the” happy marriage” fairy tale.
Leave a Reply